When is it the right time to divorce.....don't want to hurt my kids 16 and 18 but my husband and I don't relate. He is a negative personality/controlling and I am overly optimistic and miserable!

when is the right time? Dunno... but can I ask you a question...

Do you want a divorce? Or do you want to relate with your Husband (again)?

I think I do want a divorce...I am lonely....my husband is a nice man but very negative and neglectful....it horrifies me to divorce but get so depressed living here...thank you for responding....

Have you ended your affair and are you currently taking meds for your Bipolar Disorder?

Mrs. W

I have quit work to try to end it....but we are very addicted to each other...I am not on Meds...I believe I was Bipolar II due to vitamins that I was taking...don't feel I am that way now....

Did I miss something? or am I that tired already tonight?

Read her other posts TOMK...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

SS...Does your husband know about your affair yet?

Mrs. W

oops... already found those before you replied Mrs W....

SS. you cannot in good concience think of divorce while you are "trying" to end you affair. let's be fair now...

granted H seems to be missing the target but if you ask a question of "when a good time to divorce" while your still in an Affair.... what happens when OM drops you???

....the lonely feelings come back and you wonder if you made the right decision to divorce in the first place, or.... was there something else YOU could do to help H meet those ENs you are lookig for.... you dod after all marry him for a reason...didn't you??

be fair to YOURSELF and end the A BEFORE you think one more thought of divorce!

Have you had more than just the one manic phase? What was your psychiatrist's recommendation? It is VERY unwise to not follow doctor's orders regarding meds for Bipolar Disorder...My dad had Bipolar disorder and chose not to take the meds...It was a life of HE[i][/i]LL for him and our entire family...He passed away in June of a heart attack during a manic phase...VERY TRAGIC...

You must choose to end your affair and tell your husband the truth about his life...It is VERY CRUEL of you not to...Your husband is NOT your pet...

Mrs. W

I went to couseling anad my husband went one time. He has a strange detachment from me....I am just tired of living with someone who doesn't know me. I am never first in his life. I had been a wonderful wife for 20 years and I devope this mental problem and he never once came looking for me. Only my pastor suggested I get counseling...that is when I found out I had a problem...

Nor is he a safety blanket for when things go bad with OM....

...and they will. After all, he already knows that you aren't faithful to your H. What would make him think you'd be faithful to him? Your fanasty of a relationship with OM is already doomed to fail for that simple fact alone.

You are setting yourslef up for a long stent of loneliness if you continue this A or think of Divorce because OM (temporarily) fills your ENs...

H can fill your ENs... maybe he isn't aware how depleated they truly are? You owe him that much to make him aware...

Ok, and what meds did your doctor recommend that you are choosing not to take?

You are the one that is here now, we must focus on YOU...Of course your husband's faults are magnified to you because you are having an AFFAIR...That HAS to end before you can decide anything regarding your marriage...Right now, YOU are the biggest problem in your marriage...

Mrs. W

I am sorry about your father....I am just coming to the point I feel able to tell my husband . The meds are truly not very helpful...some are dangerous...the Drs..don't really keep up with the side effects....I am taking natural suppliments to handle the problem. My manic phase seemed very wonderful...and lasted 3 years...delusional I guess...I felt very close to the Lord and thought He told me to leave my family...it seemed harmless to everyone at the time...until I left my family....Now it is hard to give up the other man because it seemed he was the only one who cared for a long time....

I took Geodon for a while until I realized it affected my muscles...not that my Dr asked and that is a dangerous side effect... then I took Lamictal....then I read about the vitamins that I had been taking that had ingredients that aggrivate Bipolar II.. so Christmas Day I went of Lamictal and the vitamins and I think my problem now is just guilt and misery!

I have tried to break it off but the depression is great and the OM comes after me where my H did not....I was a very good wife until all this happened....Thank you for responding...

Sweetly -

I suggest you keep trying meds until one works for you. The hallmark of BPD is an unwillingness to take meds.

Glad your up phase lasted so long. But what about the depressed phase?

Thank you all for responding!

Easy fixes...

guilt, end the A - Tell H. Not fixed yet, but on the road to it!!!

misery, look to H for all you need. He had it at one time.... possibly still does. Only way to find out is to go to him, be honest with him, tell him what it is you need from him.

You don't communicate with H...you'll end up with more than guilt and misery.

As MrsW said earlier. The A stops NOW. That's step one, perhaps a hard step to take for you... but it HAS TO BE the first step and the sooner, the better. Don't put it off until tomorrow. End it NOW. Step one is over...on to step two... net thing you know you have your stride back!!!

good luck,
TOMK

SS...Thank you for the condolences about my dad...He was only 3 days away from turning 62-VERY YOUNG...His UNMEDICATED Bipolar Disorder is what caused his early demise...His heart couldn't take the stress of mania anymore...

If you haven't read An Unquiet Mind or Touched With Fire both by Kay Redfield Jameson, I HIGHLY recommend them...The author is a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins and also has Bipolar Disorder...I believe that you will identify with her struggle over taking the meds...Even she, a psychiatric professional, had a VERY hard time overcoming that...The oft times VERY intelligent mind afflicted with that disorder overthinks taking meds-your mind tells you that you can control it-and it also tells you that you are at your BEST when hypomanic, though even those affected usually know that full on mania is no good...Jameson explains that she has to remain in therapy for life, so that she will stay on the meds, as she puts it, "there is no pill that can convince you to take a pill."

I tried almost my whole life unsuccessfully to convince my dad to take the meds...I would LOVE to see someone heed my advice to do so...It would spare you and your family so much grief...I see that you are in the South...If you happen to be in or near Atlanta, I can recommend a FABULOUS doctor to you...

And finally, SS, you simply MUST tell your husband about this affair and end it...I am a FWW, and a Christian, I can tell you that the path that you are now headed down leads to MAJOR darkness...I hope you will consider my words...

Mrs. W