well, I am home now. Even though I knew and had been trying to go home for months they kinda pushed me off the island unexpectedly. They sooo didn't follow protocol. So, I am here in the states without any of my stuff being shipped through TMO, no med. records, nothing. They just told me one day that I was leaving, here's my plane tickets and I left the very next morning. I didn't put up a fight b/c I was just so tired of fighting. I just wanted to go home. So, here I am. WH has e-mailed me a couple of times mostly about 'legal' stuff. (He needed my travel voucher) and has only asked about DD twice on his own and once as a reply..... we've been home since Thanksgiving. He did say that he didn't think it would be this hard (DD leaving), but really I think he was trying to get me to feel sorry for him and I'm sure he's told the same to many others... how he can still hear DD playing in her bedroom. Whatever. I haven't seen a lawyer yet about the D papers but I'm not sure that I'm ready for that. I still wake up in the middle of the night after having a nightmare about all of this, but I have to admit things are sooo much better here. The A isn't so much in my face. Except for the couple of e-mails I haven't spoken with WH and so I feel like for the most part, the stress and tension were left back there.

Hi Cinc,

Glad that you checked in. Keep us posted on the status of the shipment of your things. Your WH can't really divorce you quickly when you are not cooperating. Stay as dark as you can for now.

Who

Hey CH,
Glad you and DD are home. Are you with family? Take the time to recharge after the insanity... You really WILL feel better around normal people... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Do you have any official military administrative and medical support near where you are?

L2F

yes, I'm with family and it's nice to be around normal sane people once again. I am also near another AF base. I also know that TMO is coming Dec 10 to pick up/pack up my stuff. WH has only asked about DD maybe twice since we've been here and I know he's planning a trip back home (dif state than where I am) and didn't say anything about seeing DD. -fine by me, but doesn't DD deserve to see her daddy?? IDK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

CH, glad you're with family!

When you're settled, get yourself to the local AFB and to the family support center for counseling/support. Fill them in on the entire situation. Don't wait too long. I'd also go to legal and have a sit down with the legal officer and let them know how you feel about violations of "protocol".

Any USAF types out there who can provide more service-specific guidance?

I'm really not thrilled with how your husband's command handled this. It's natural to feel as though you're "on the outside", especially when the command isn't doing it's part to support you. Were you in DG? Was it a squadron or a base command?

An observation... Since early on in your postings I've noticed a recurring tendency to focus on your husband's attention to/parenting of/custody of DD, rather than on the real meat of the situation - the affair.

I may be projecting, but it sometimes appears as though you are using DD as a defense against the pain of his leaving YOU. What if you didn't have a daughter - how would you react? What would you do differently?

CH, you don't deserve this. You've done nothing wrong. The decisions WH made have little to do with you and do not reflect on your own self-worth.

Of course he should want to see her, but just like everything else, focusing on what should be at the expense of what is is a fruitless exercise.

Take good care of yourself and DD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi CH! So glad that you checked in... I missed your first post, but I'm glad that Who and L2F were there for 'ya!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Happy New Year Cincvhouse...you still with us??!!

L2F

I am a commander's wife. Advice - if no one is helping, get involved in the FRG or other military wives group. Go to the commander's wife or someone that you can trust to help from that side. If someone came to me, I would go to my husband and let them know. It is another avenue. It also helps to get support from the other wives. We are all going through it. This war is destroying families.

Ok..here we go (USAF typ). I would assume that you have an ID Card since you are a dependent, if you don't, go to the customer service section and tell them you need a temporary 60 day card since your spouse is unable to sign. L2F is going in the right direction with Family Support Center. WH can't withold monies from you and is required to support you and your daughter...you will need to tell Family Support about that. I sense that there is still missing information here. They can't just issue you plane tickets and tell you to go home...there had to be something else there (pulled sponsorship, etc). CoC has several different options when it comes to NJP, and even with that the most that he will probably get will be a stripe taken away and forfeiture of some pay and allowances. Family Support will contact the member's unit here in the states and work it through the Commander as far as ordering funds to you from the member. Get that going and the rest should fall into place. Let me know if there is anything else that I can help with.