Hello, my name is Resilient. I was a BS who slept with a cheating husband who gave me an STD that ly dormant in my body - Asymptomatic.

Years later I was diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer.

Is sleeping with your cheating spouse really worth your life? I was there, and if given a DO OVER after months of fighting cancer, the answer is unequivocally NO.

Jo

C'mon folks. Lets be real. Harley would never knowingly expect anyone to risk their health or life over recovering their marriage.

Again I say, not ignoring you guys:

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

thank you for posting...and I am sorry for your continued pain.

egg zak lee.

You got me, MEDC...

I'm not gonna let you end this by stating that I'm in any kind of pain regarding my marriage...

I'm in pain about lots of things..but not about my marriage..

Today is my BELOVED GRANDMOTHER'S BIRTHDAY..I miss both my grandmothers' very much...

God does not protect you against STD's....common sense does.

{{{{{{ Mimi }}}}}}}


I too miss my grandmother.

Mimi...did you once again see WHO I was posting to???? I was referring to Resilient's pain.

Resilient,

I am sorry for your sitch.

Your's is the type of story that newly BS's need to hear rather than 'go ahead and have sex with your WS because you're meeting his/her emotional needs.

Wow...I haven't had a living grandparent since I was 16. Yuck. I hardly remember the only one that lived past my 11th birthday.
I am sorry for the pain about your grandmom Mimi.

I said I wasn't gonna let this run me away but it has.

It really is time for me to go.

Because right now I am crying.

Yes. I am in pain but I didn't realize how much I was hurting today in thinking about my grandmother.

I don't like meanness. I have to learn to deal with meanness but had to live with it throughout much of my childhood.

But, I thank the good Lord that my dear sweet H has not for one minute resorted to being mean to me again..not for one minute..he has been the sweetest, most kindest man EVER..and he has been right there with me through the losses of my grandparents...who I sorely miss..who have died over the past couple of years...

And this is much too much to be sharing with all of you, I know...

But I came to love to MBers..

It WAS a loving place for me...

But it is JUST A FORUM..

A BLANK SCREEN..

And I will give and get otherwise and in other ways...

I thought that I was being of help to others..maybe I'm not anymore...this certainly isn't of help to me...

I'm no longer in pain. But thank you for the kindness, MEDC.

Its always a good thing we bring this important issue to everyone's attention. This very discussion is helping members who are contemplating sleeping with their cheating spouse think about weighing the very REAL consequences.

We talk about protecting our financial security from the WS's crazy making when in Plan A. Why would we view our health or life any less important.

you're welcome...yes, that is a bit odd huh...secure your finances is a phrase often heard here...protect your health should be first and foremost.

Be well.

Amen Jo. As I said earlier in this thread I have never seen him say this.

Well it's normally easy to tell and if it isn't clear, the distinction doesn't really matter.

Certainly I think you'll find trying to make everyone be pedantic is likely to be a very unsatisfying pursuit for you.

I don't agree. There's a TJ going on, so I'm going to start a new thread on this called 'Sex or SF?'

A parting comment though...


a) I think it's an important distinction, not a pedantic one.

b) I'm not trying to 'make' anyone do anything.

As far as I know there's no way of 'making' anyone do anything here. And of course it's unsatisfying to try to do what's impossible.

Big K, with respect,could I suggest that the use of words such as 'minor' or 'unimportant' instead of 'anal' and 'pedantic'would be less likely to offend?

Likewise the patronising tone ("I think you'll find..."), and statement of the obvious.

If you *intend* to cause offence, no problem, just say so, and I'll not bother pointing things like this out any more.

Having sex with a spouse who is cheating, even with a condom, does not make the sex innocuous.

Condoms are not a 100% STD prevention measure, folks.

EXACTLY!

you know, i am posting against my better judgement.

Sex while a spouse is having an affair is dangerous.

No one disagrees.

But Mimi is right. Sexual fulfillment is an emotional need. And often, a BS was responsible for not meeting that need for a spouse.

SF should be addressed in Plan A. Mimi was not encouraging unsafe sex. She was encouraging a discussion about HOW to COMMUNICATE about it.

But the unsafe sex rants are drowning out any possiblity of frank discussion about HOW this is addressed.

Yes, she had sex during her husband's affair and it helped her marriage. I did too. Should I have done it? No. but it DID help and it underscores the point that SF is damn important and should not be ignored.

Instead being mean and nasty to one of the kindest, open and honest women on the board, could we stop with the single minded rant about NO SEX during affairs and talk about alternative ways to communicate about SF during plan A without putting lives and health at risk?

Maybe...just maybe, if there was a discussion about how to deal with this issue without having sex...desperate BSes would have an alternative to having unsafe sex.

Just screaming don't do it won't help anyone here.

The reality is, sex is a big damn deal.