What Are Plan A and Plan B?

Harley explains Plan A very briefly but very clearly IMO. I don't understand what all the confusion is about.

"Negotiate" the end of the affair. No LBs.
Identify why the affair occurred. ENs not being met.
Express a willingness to meet those needs more adequately AFTER the affair is ended.
Once the affair is ENDED, have at it. Meet all the needs you want. Have sex from the chandelier if you want. Just be aware of the risks of SF and take the necessary health precautions.

Not only did the WS likely have sex with the OP, the WS basically had sex with everyone that the OP had sexual contact with also.

Plan A basically has two parts. Plan A during the affair (Negotiation) and Plan A after the affair is over (Meeting each others ENs).

desperate and cruel....and your failure to act responsibly makes me realize Lemonmans words were very true. Your failure to act in a responsible way has made me lose lots of respect for someone that I used to just disagree with.

Mimi - I have no such problems with you sharing! I have no problems with this thread either. My disagreement with you isn't even about that. I do think it's important to meet that need during Plan A but it must be met SAFELY. Am I not being clear? Or are you just oblivious to that bit?

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE NEED FOR SAFETY!!!

BA109...exactly

It's OK with me if you don't respect me MEDC. I hear you.

And to be "SAFE" does not mean a condom because condoms do [/u]not[/u] guarantee 100% STD prevention.

You guys are quoting books. I had hours and hours of PLAN A COACHING from STEVE HARLEY himself! That doesn't make me a pro or anything but I have heard it from the horse's mouth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

PLAN A involves meeting the BS' ENs AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE...

Resilient, I don't mean to put you on the spot here...but from someone that contracted cancer as a result of what we are talking about here...do you take offense at those that hand out advice without making sure the wounded BS is aware of all the risks? Would you not have benefited greatly if the good doctor or someone on this board put up a big STOP sign for you?

What page, from what book, are you quoting this from? This is ABSOLUTELY INCORRECT. There is NO PLAN A after the affair.

As did I Mimi. Hours upon hours.

the words are Dr. Harley's from this very site without some desperate woman acting as the go between and passing it down the lane. He says right here on the site AFTER the affair is over. What is so tough to understand about that? Do you really expect people here to believe that the doctor would suggest people take a 50% risk with their health?????
You want to know where quotes come from...there was a link on this thread...yet you twist and manipulate those words.

arrrgggghhhh.

Resilient:

I'm referring to them saying that ENs are not to be met during PLAN A. That is how you were coached?

But in all those hours you failed to approach this topic at all.

AGREED

I would love to continue this discussion with you, MEDC. But this is where I draw the line. You talk about being helpful. I don't find it helpful for you to describe me in ways that just ARE NOT ACCURATE. I will not accept that from you. There may be DESPERATE WOMEN but I WAS NOT ONE OF THEM at that time.

I HAD A PLAN!!

Steve Harley whom I counseled with weekly starting days after D-DAY..told me that I HAD TO HAVE A PLAN..and because I HAD A PLAN..I WAS NOT DESPERATE...I was DELIBERATE about what I said and did..

When I felt DESPERATE, I got in my car and drove..I went in my shower and cried..but with MY HUSBAND..I WAS NOT DESPERATE...

IMO, you start using those extreme terms to FIGHT WITH WORDS..but I don't FIGHT LIKE THAT anymore...

I have studied and studied the HARLEY BOOKS. I have underlined almost every page. I KNOW what he says almost by heart...

Of course there is. You should be in a constant state of Plan A after the affair is ended. All of the concepts of Plan A should be continued throughout your marriage. It's called Recovery.

SF was just a minute part of my PLAN A!!!

so, then you know what he says right here on this site....

yet you ignore it.

your quote Mimi could have just as easily been your epitaph...but because you got lucky, your experience will most likely lead to someone else getting some horrible disease...you got lucky.

Mimi is right - There IS no plan A after the affair has ended and in Plan A you ARE supposed to meet whatever needs the WS will allow you to meet which DEMONSTRATES the BS's WILLINGNESS to continue to meet them after the affair is over.

BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR HEALTH