Would you argue with an drunk alcoholic? A waste of time don't you think? The same goes for a WS under the influence.

You see...this board is full of FWS's and BS's with WS's & FWS's MOST/MANY of whom believed, with every speck of their fiber that they too, were impervious to infidelity.

Without a plan to avoid it...such thinking is useless to protect you if and when the perfect storm comes a knocking.

On another point...typically (not always) the initial CHOICE is not to have sex with someone besides your spouse. It's not that simple. Unlike your decision NOT to have a revenge affair. Most waywards don't jump straight off the cliff. They make a series of simple choices, the beginning ones, quite innocuous. Stuff like deciding to log into classmates.com and communicate with an old lover, googling an high school sweetheart, or even playing cards alone with a neighbor or co-worker. The next choice is to exchange emails with such person progressing to ever more revealling and intimate emails. Then the phone calls and text messaging begin. All simple choices NOT seemingly related to infidelity to most in the world, ESPECIALLY THOSE THAT BELIEVE THEY ARE NOT SUSCEPTIBLE. Feelings grow...intimacies are exchanged in ever increasing amounts. Spouses are bad mouthed. Yada, yada, yada...emotional affair two seconds away from a physical affair. It's all pretty much spelled out in the 15 steps to infian delity on the "Newly Betrayed Spouses" thread on Just Found Out.

My point, I guess, is MOST waywards DON'T make a choice to commit physical adultery PRIOR to already being neck deep in the fog.

IT DOESN'T EXCUSE IT...JUST EXPLAINS IT AND IT COULD HAVE AND STILL COULD HAPPEN TO ANY ONE OF US.

I REPEAT....ANY...ONE...OF...US.

When I had a stroke in 2003 - my husband had a hard time understanding my impairment.

My brain was damaged and my thought processes were slow like molasses sometimes, and it often took me a long time to read things.

But I looked just fine. Nothing outwardly had changed. I had absolutely no physical indication that I had any kind of trauma.

It was frustrating for my husband - he KNEW intellectually that I was impaired, but he couldn't see it. It was a hard hard hard adjustment for him, getting used to the fact that while I looked like the old BR...I was not the same.

The same goes for a WS. They look like the person you married. You can't SEE the changes. You KNOW they are changed, but its hard not to be frustrated when you don't get the behavior you expect or are used to.

I was fogged during those early days after my stroke. I just was not capable of thinking and speaking clearly.

I remember one day - after I had returned to work - that I was having a conversation with someone - and all of a sudden, this person looked at me like I was from another planet. Alien.

I had just broken into gibberish mid conversation and didn't even realize it until I saw her face. I have often thought, it was not unlike a WS babbling at a BS.

Now, I didn't have a choice about the stroke. A WS does have a choice about the affair. The alcoholic has a choice to drink.

Regardless of the responsibility, the result is the same.

Alien Fog.

Like Krazy said i think it is harder to have an affair than it is to remain faithful.

Any M person should NEVER put themselves in the positon to have an A anyway.

SC... I too feel much the same way as you.
With my background, I liken infidelity to crime.
It takes premeditated acts to have an affair. No one in the history of mankind has ever mistakenly fallen on another person and had their genitals magically wind up together.
Continuing an affair is also a premeditated intentional act. It requires malice of forethought. There are lies to cover ones tracks...actions taken to hide their true intent from others.
I believe infidelity is and should be considered a crime. If it were, the acts would be considered criminal not from negligence or recklessness...but from intent. And bottom line is, that's the bottom line IMHO.
A fog being compared to a physical reaction of drunkenness is misleading. Same with drug addiction. People are physically impaired when on these mind altering substances...their judgment is clinically impaired and they are unable to perform most tasks well. A person in an affair is likely holding down a job, being a parent, driving a car...and thinking well enough to be able to conjure up enough lies to fool friends/family and loved ones regarding their true activities. That doesn't sound like foggy thinking to me...it sounds like the mind of a person bereft of morals and integrity...no matter what their persona APPEARED to be prior to the affair.

JMHO.

I try to always make sure that i am not in the position where some one can meet my EN besides my H. I do not discuss EN with members of the opposite sex period that is off limits. I bring up my H and children in ANY and ALL conversations i have with any members of the opposite sex.

My dear husband described it like this AFTER everything was over and we reconciled:

1. PM, it was like I was in a trance, like everything was unreal." (the fog)

2. I KNEW what I was doing and the choices I was making were wrong but I liked the way it made me feel. (sounds like entitlement to me)

3. But once I did it, I couldn't stop. (sounds like an addiction to me)

4. It's like some force took over my life. (the powers of darkness QUICKLY step in at the slightest crack)

My FWH did not know about MB or "the fog". So fog, smog... It JUST a tool to DESCRIBE something intangible.