After 2 attempts, I have been unsuccesful of exposing the OM to his wife; it seems he works out of the house.

Anyone know how to get an unlisted number or find where the W works?

Occasionally, it's as simple as doing a Google search on the individual's name. You'd be surprised what is out there.

Alternately, I think some people here have found ZabaSearch to be useful. I just checked my name there and they have a lot of my addresses dating back 15 years or so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do you have the OM's address?

If you know her name, start with Google.

You can obtain an unlisted number online for $15.

You could simply follow her. Park outside of her home in an inconspicuous location, and follow her.

If for some reason you are still unsuccessful, start leaving flyers/letters in their mailbox/on her vehicle.

Another idea is to expose OM to his neighbors. All of them.

Having her name is a big advantage...do not let OM get away with what he's done.

Have a lady friend of yours call and ask to get in touch with her (e.g. office number, best time to call back, etc.).

I have his name, which led me to his address and her name. The only phone number I have is his cell phone; the house nunmber is unlisted.

ZabaSearch worked! I just called and got their voicemail - "This is *** & *** leave a message."

Alright, guys, I am getting cold feet - let me have it. What is next - can i do this over the phone?

Try peoplelookup. I was able to get a house number that was unlisted. It was only 5 or 6 bucks. There was an extra 2 or 3 bucks you could add to check against utility records, etc. to make sure it was the right address & number, but the 2 or 3 bucks was optional.

ZabaSearch worked! I just called and got their voicemail - "This is *** & *** leave a message."

Alright, guys, I am getting cold feet - let me have it. What is next - can i do this over the phone?

Yeah, you can do it over the phone if the right person answers the phone. If the OM answers, you're not going to get anywhere. Try calling, or better yet, have a female friend/co-worker call and hand you the phone when OMW is on the line. Alternately, if you know the address, why don't you take a piece of incriminating "evidence" over to that house and show OMW in person.

Then, pardner, you calm yourself...take a deep breath...and then launch into what you need to communicate. Calm, professional, and courteous are keys. Don't be "the crazy guy who is harrassing us," okay? Look, there aren't any magic words; there's no right time of day or night. To coin a phrase, "Just do it!"

Nothing is going to get better if you do nothing. In fact, it will get worse.

This link ( On informing OP's spouse of affair) doesn't work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

I posted this on another topic:

I called OM's W the day after d-day, so I've done this once before.

Don't just say, "Your husband is cheating with my wife!" at the beginning. Introduce yourself, let her know that you've got some really bad news.

Stay calm.

Make sure you use OM's name at least once.

Let her know that you'll provide as much info as you can to help verify what you are saying, if she wishes.

I said it before, but it's important: Try to get her to agree to talk at least once more to compare notes/stories from the WS's.

She might treat you like the enemy. Don't be surprised. She'll likely be in shock...out of her mind.

If I had it to do over again, I would actually have a script or an outline written down, like a telemarketer, before I made the call.

Be ready for an angry callback from OM. He might threaten you, or he might try the "How dare you mess with MY family" argument. Wish him luck with his wife and hang up.

You may not be out for revenge, but you are doing the right thing. Down the road, once the anger sets in (it will), you will gain some comfort in knowing that you stirred up the same sh_t storm in his home that you are dealing with in yours.

Are there any legal issues regarding the phone call? I don't want to do anything that would risk my custody of the kids.