And when you say TELL him, do you mean by phone or by email.

I think email would be way easier for me.

Why is this happening NOW when I made points with him over the frisbee. This could bring that idea to a complete halt?

I had FAITH and WORKED the MB PLANS..I DID ALL THAT I COULD DO and then turned it over to the LORD..

I tried not to spend any precious time agonizing over what was out of my hands..the PAST was gone..I had TODAY and the FUTURE..

It was back to shaking my head again..anytime that I thought about THE PAST...and wasting my time with it...

NO INDEED..it will not..

Hopefully, he'll bring the money along...

That would be JUST PERFECT...

Are you SCARED OF HIM??

You are HEADS AND SHOULDERS ABOVE HIM right now..

We need to put you in the DRIVER'S SEAT...

He is an ALIEN, CRACK-ADDICTED WS who abandoned his family to live with another woman...

HEAD UP, CHEST OUT!!

I AM SCARED of him, and I don't know why.

My HUSBAND was the most giving person. This WS is something that is cold, dangerous and cruel. And completely unpredictable.

Ok, I have an appt with the lawyer to find out if even legally I can get that amount of money. I might be asking for something that the courts won't even back me up for.

Ok, I am stretching and building me up. Head is raising and chest is too. Progress yes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for the money, should I email or call him and how can I put it?

I'm sorry to be so weak.

Ok, I made the call to the lawyer and they will call me back.

I am asking to find out if I can even LEGALLY get half of his paycheck or am I doing better financially without it.

I'll keep you posted.

Mimi,

This has become an ISSUE between G-d and me. And walking in his trust and faith. Hasn't it?

Ok SG.. I'm going to hit you with a quote.

"We knew there was going to be a storm coming. Sometimes the Lord doesn't always bring you directly through it. Sometimes you have to work for it." - Tony Dungy after SB

This isn't an 'issue' between God and you. This is an issue you must overcome in order to walk more closely with God.

I got hit once on this board.. don't remember who it was, but they asked me this simple question: What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Fear the Lord.. not worldly things.

Jamesus,

That's what I MEAN, how do I KNOW this is what G-d wants.

And how do I overcome this issue.

I guess the issue is whether I think I am WORTH this money? Or should I make my H pay for what he has done?

See where my head it at? Do I NEED the 2 X 4?

I just got off the phone with the A.

He says that it will cost 1500.00. I don't have that kind of money.

He did say that I could get probably 1000.00 for child support and then spousal maintenance which would actually give me more money than I want.

He also said the longer an informal agreement goes on, the better his case it built that I really don't need the money. Hmmm... I feel my strength building. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Can you call him back and ask him if they can go after WH for your attorney fees? Be honest and tell them that you have no money but WH does. Maybe they'll work out some kind of agreement with you.

I'm leaving work for the day but once I get home, I'll check on you. I have some other ideas about this.

PM,

Hubby doesn't have that kind of money either. I know where all his money is and it's not enough to pay for the attorney. He is supported crack head and living in squalor so to speak. I at least have a nice place to live, though it's WAY smaller than my house. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Drive safely.

Sorry to barge in! I'm new here and don't even know how to post right, and i need so much help! totally overwhelmed by all of this. But reading MB has already helped a lot. I'm trying Plan A, but WH refuses NC, hopes still i'll throw him out. MArried 27 yrs, OW is 24yrs. younger than he. Its an EA online/Chats/phone, going on for over 4yrs. OW is single Mother, pretty, smart.They love each other soooo much! Thankfully we live thousands of miles apart.But her msg. is alwasy on, he is always online. WH is heavily mourning and withdrawing, and because of constant contact he'll never let go of her. I'd love to write her to tell her to let him go, but if she tells WH he'd see it as LB. I could write here for hours....we live in Europe, WH is American, like ow. what else can I do, since he can't give her up. He wants to go be with her, but waits for me to throw him out. WH says all the babble of WH.
I work and he is retired, so he is at home all day, an homebuddy who loves his PC,but he takes good care of house. We do many things together, I spend all my free time with him. WHat can I do? He refuses!!!Since it's late here ).40 pm.) I#m coming back to check tomorrow, hoping for some help! Thank you all who are out here helping!
N.

Oh darn,

This ISN"T about HIM at ALL. It's so about me and not feeling like I am a WORTHY of this.

I'm sitting here crying at my desk because I feel so empty inside. I AM the one who blew this M and I can't even muster the self esteem to get a lawyer.

Who has experienced this and how did you get through it.

I'm sorry to be letting you down by not being more strong. I'm so ashamed.

SG

Update,

I can get ALL and any amount of money I need for the lawyer. So that excuse is gone.

Now we need to BUILD up my confidence.

The student is READY.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Great news about the $$. Sounds like God has opened a door for you. Now are you going to walk through it or are you going to be like the children of Israel and complain about your fear when God is there the whole time providing a way? Remember, they wandered for 40 years unnecessarily! If only they'd realized that God was looking after them the whole time.

You can do this! Tell me. What do you really have to lose at this point?

File the LS. You need to protect your family's assets (yes, your family's-- you, WH and kids). WH can't be trusted to do the right thing at the moment.

How to tell him? Wait until he's served and then tell him you're protecting the family. BUT you won't discuss the details of the LS, you'll only discuss how to heal your marriage. Let your attorney do the hard stuff.

As to money that he owes you now, let it go if you can and address it with your attorney. He'll see to it that you're covered.

SG--

I just read the thread (I also responded to you via email). Honey you can do this!!! Mimi is right on the nose—get your H’s respect AS well as his love back. Just because you are in Plan A does not mean you do not have the right to secure what is RIGHTFULLY yours and your children’s.

I went to my attorney yesterday because I am filing an Alienation of Affection lawsuit against OW. Will it piss WH off? He!! yes! Is it the right thing to do? He!! yes! To not stand up to her as I should is to say by my actions “Well I really don’t value the M much or our vows, so go ahead kids do what you want-I won’t interfere.”

Thanks to OW’s part in this whole mess (and this is not get WH off the hook in any fashion--but OWH is taking care of him--LOL), I have lost the companionship, comfort and care of my H. If thieves came in my house and stole my TV, money, jewelry and I knew who they were, people would think I was a fool not to prosecute them under the law. Why shouldn’t I do the same over something far more important than objects—my H (even if he put himself out there)? My attorney put it best—bring the suit because OW OWES me!

See what I’m saying. To save your M you have to fight for it—and that includes standing up and fighting for what is rightfully yours as his WIFE and the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. Don’t let him forget where his TRUE responsibilities lie!

You have nothing to fear when you do the right thing. Especially silly ol' WH. <smile>

Smartie

PM,

That is a VERY good question. I guess nothing really. If I have to deal with REALITY, I don't have a HUBBY anymore and my kids need to be protected.

I am NOT going to wander in the desert. This is really a battle for my PERSONAL RECOVERY, and you are right, G-d is giving me that door. He is counting on me to become the woman he envinsions.

I actually have already told him a two months ago, when he brought OW to my house. So, I really don't need to say one word about that.

As for the money right now, too late, I already emailed him and this is what I said.

Good Shabbas,

I am really glad you thought the card was nice, you are very welcome. I am looking forward to you helping me get ready for the frisbee team. Yes, it was supposed to play music. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I take it from your questions, you didn't get that part.

YS is doing better. He is hoping that a jersey is in the Hanukkah future. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have a blast at your soccer game tomorrow. I would love to come and watch you sometime.

Oh, have you made the difference up in deposits for me? I have lots of bills do this week and that shortage is making it way difficult. I have lacrosse registration, senior items, and need to get the boys some stuff that is more than my budget is able to handle. In case you think I am frivoulsly spending money like the trip to CA, let me assure you that your sister gave me the money to make the trip. I really want you to be confident I am being a good steward of your generosity. Thank you for taking care depositing the money. I really appreciate it.

You haven't explained, what is happening that the deposit isn't being split 50-50 like you and I had agreed upon? Why did you go to two banks instead of what we had agreed upon?

Have a wonderful Shabbat and awesome weekend. It's supposed to snow..... YEAH!!!
BS

What do you think of this? Even if I have made mistakes, tell me so I know where to correct, ok?

SG

I NEED you Smartie,

This is the HUGEST step to recovery I have done yet. I KNOW Mimi is right, I just need a little more confidence building.

I will call the lawyer on Monday and get the ball rolling. I have placate HUBBY a little longer by asking for the money. I doubt he will give it, but we shall see.

I love you Smartie, you are so special to me and I am right there with ya, cheering you on.

I guess the guilt of what I did or didn't do in the M, plus the control Hubby has over me is controlling my actions. BUT, I KNOW people on here are pulling for me, ALL my friends and family are pulling for me (and there are LOTS),while my WH is wanting my demise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> NO WAY, I WON'T let that MONSTER win. I LOVE my HUBBY too much to give up.

So here goes.

I am the WIFE, who is taking care of HIS KIDS day after day with no input or help from him other than MONEY. His OW sits at home all day long and does who knows what in crackland, while I work not just one job, but two. I also manage to do volunteer work to help out my community.

I am STRONG, I am LOVING, and I DESERVE all that is ENTITLED to me as his wife of almost 24 years.

If I want my M, I have to fight for my M and slew the dragons who are trying to take me down, even if it includes WH.

Have I got it?

Anything else?

Thank you,
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Self inflicted 2x4?..

As for how you know what God wants... don't just pray, listen. Read the Word...

You get the same email I get.. you know what it says.. do your devotional.. read the Word.. listen.. look around you, God is present everywhere and he -wants- you to get His message.

SG

Here's a story that should put this whole money issue in its rightful perspective.

I know a couple who began their relationship as an affair (OW was single, WH was married with 3 children). Eventually, after MANY years btw, he finally married OW.

One night we were having a drink together with another person after work (now don't 2x4 me guys--I met them after they were married and before I found MB!!). Anyway, OW/Wife says: "You guys would not believe how much of WH/H 's money still goes to XW every month--even after all these years! If WH/Husband did not have to pay XW so much alimony we could really live well. I'll probably have to work until I basically drop dead to afford a decent lifestyle because she gets alimony now (XW never remarried) and his kids get most of his estate after he dies."

Everyone got really quiet--then WH/H looked her dead in the face and said very calmly: "My XW stood by me when I started out with nothing. She kept our home and raised our children. I left our marriage--so it is only right that she and my children get all that I can give them now and going forward."

Not another word from OW on the subject!

Now, if a WH can get it, a goddess as smart as you can get it too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />!!

Love you lots girl...

Smartie