Hi JT,

How's the rain going up in your parts? It's coming down pretty hard and it's so warm, almost balmy. Hard to believe we had snow the other day.

I hope everyone had a good day.

My HEAD'S UP, CHEST OUT, and I am grateful for all of you.

SG

My Road to Personaly Recovery,

I learned something about MYSELF today. I learned that I REALLY like being President of the High School PTA. That I
AM a competent person who is worth of RESPECT and that I have an ENORMOUS support system that goes beyond anything I could ever had IMAGINED.

There are SO many people pulling me for. So many people who think I am SO better off WITHOUT my hubby. But you know what, even though I LOVE them all, I still STAND for my marriage and continue to move forward.

I joke with the Superintendent of our school district because he respect me. Ok, maybe tolerates me. I run an elementary school where many people rely on my multi tasking abilities that are like breathing to me. I have a JOB that I absolutely love, and I have a sense of awe and adventure about LIFE that has been missing from me since D-DAY.

NO MORE will I HANG my head is shame. I am come to realize that I shouldn't HIDE my face for my mistakes. I need to LEARN and CHANGE. I WANT TO WORK ON MYSELF, to create a NEW M and commit myself to loving my H with all my heart, not because it gives a piece of me away, but because it ENHANCES who I am, a loving, warm, caring, committed wife. I am STRONG and I am FAITHFUL to G-d.

I am one grateful person for just this moment, in that the light of G-d got a little brighter today and that his FAITH in me felt good.

I wish you all sweet dreams and good mornings,
SG

Mimi,

I feel very calm and at peace today. Weird. I feel confident that G-d will restore my marriage and that I just need to stay out of the way.

Just checking in on my Plan A stuff and if I should start preparing for Plan B?



How are you today?

SG

I am supposed to be working super hard today and I find my mind wandering. Which isn't really a good thing because I need to pay bills.

So, I need to get this stuff off my mind and move on. I can't seem to find some prayers to focus on with G-d about what I want. I know that sounds silly, but I want to make sure I am praying for EXACTLY what I want.

Myself healed and living my life completely as a woman of G-d, my marriage restored, and my children healed.

Does anyone have any ideas? On what prayers I can say that will move me to those?

My sister told me that praying for patience would put me in situations that required patience. I want NOTHING to do with that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So if you could offer some insight that would be much apprecaited.

SG

Yep. My DH learned that one the hard way. He prayed for patience and it seemed like everybody on the road that day was driving just to get in his way. LOL Guess that's what they mean by "be careful of what you pray for."

Prayer for SG: "I may not understand why I'm at this place but I know that no matter what.. your perfect will is for the healing of my family. Start with me. I turn myself over to you completely. Thy will be done in my life, in my DH's life and in my children's lives."

Thanks PM,

If I am asking for G-ds will to be done. I guess this may seem repitious and I apolgize, but how do I know that G-ds will is for my M to be restored and my family healed?

Does G-d think that spouses are better of without each other? Does this question even make sense?

Hi SG-

The winds have not let up, but they aren't as strong as they were ALL day yesterday. I went to the Skagit River today and it is very high-lots of logs floating down-but it isn't close to flood stage. The south end and Kitsap area seem to have it the worst. I-5 is closed at Chehalis!

Your questions make sense. The first way we know about God's will is from His character. We know that He is sovereign and just. We know that He never changes. So, we know when He says something in His Word-it is true.

So, we look to His Word.

First of all, God established marriage. In Genesis He said that "It is not good for man to be alone." so He made Eve. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Gen. 2:24.

He also says that He is the one who brings a man and woman together in marriage. Malachi 2:14-15 (written to the ones who have committed adultery when they asked why their prayers weren't being answered even though the would "flood the Lord's alter with tears" because the Lord was not accepting their offerings)

"You ask,'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as a the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His..."

These are just a couple of places where God, through Moses and the prophets, tells us that He is the one who created marriage and is the one who brings a married couple together.

Now, the hard part of all this is, God still gives us free will. We can choose to go against His will and others may suffer from our choices. Just like the children of Israel when they came out of Egypt. They doubted God and His provision-they whined and complained and worshiped idols- and God didn't let any of that generation into the Promised Land except Joshua and Caleb, since they were the only two spies who had faith in God's provision. Those two had to wait 40 years to see God's will finally come true because of the choices of the rest of Israel.

I hope this helps.

JT,

It helps amazingly.

So when you mean free will, are you referring to me standing for my M or my H walking away from my M and no matter what I do to pray for it, it still might not happen.

I know. And I guess G-d and the road to personal recovery will have me crossing that bridge if necessary.

My H says he is very close to G-d and he has a great relationship with him. There is no way I am going down that road, however, what prayers can I say for him?

Without a DOUBT, I know my H is in an addiction. He has lived in a dry drunk and now has the "source" to keep him going. There is NOTHING but G-d who can help us out. I just want to make sure that I am NOT going against G-d in a way because my relationship to G-d is at a point where it's more important to walk in his will than have my H come home.

Unless G-d is first in my life, then NOTHING changes and my marriage is over.

Is my thinking off anywhere.

How is your day going? I hadn't heard about I-5 being closed. It's hardly rainy at here at all.

Psst Skinsgal...

keep reading those emails we get.

God -hates- divorce.

Doesn't get much plainer than that

I don't know the answer to that SG except to say that if you take Him at His Word, He hates divorce. Therefore it follows that His will would be for your marriage to be restored and your family healed.

Since this whole journey is really about my relationship with G-d. I guess that I need to just accept he WANTS our M and let him do his work to restoring it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He CAN DO a way better job of me.

So, PM, I will print out the prayer you gave me and start saying it.

Thanks

Thanks James,

I love your directness.

Your H is lying to himself if he believes that God is pleased with him in his sin. And it is sin. I say pray that God places people in his path that will rock his belief that he is A-OK with God and shake him to his core. Perhaps a "Road to Damascus" experience? Hmmm?

PM, JT and Jamesus,

First, I will absolutely pray that God starts putting people in his path. What a great idea!

My H converted to Judaism and I though knew myself was Jewish has not background on what Judaism was or what the bible had in it.

Honestly, my knowledge is so limited because it's really only been in the last 6 months that I have really even picked it up and read it.

I find myself completely frustrated with my Jewish community because they just want me to move on and make a new life, regardless of what G-d's word is.

When I read the stories, i.e. Job, Isaiah, etc, I feel like I am drowning. Any ideas how I could best grasp what I am reading. It might as well be in Hebrew to some extent.

Ok, one more question,

What does it mean to you when it says have a fear of the Lord?

SG

It might as well be in Hebrew..." (JT giggling just a little when it dawns on her that, in fact, it once was in Hebrew)

You have some good questions SG. It shows how much your trust in God is growing, because you are seeking to understand more about His will and His word.

First, free will. When God made us humans in His image, God created all of us to be in a relationship with Him. But He didn't want us to be "forced" to do this. Instead, He gave us the free will to choose. It's frustrating because God allows others to choose things that are harmful and damaging towards us even when we are choosing to follow Him-and we want God to step in to their free will and change things.

So, in your situation, you both are using your free will.You are using your free will to follow God in your life and try to recover your marriage. Your WH is using his free will to make the choices he is making.

Does that make sense?

What does it mean to "fear" the Lord? That's another good question. It's a healthy respect and awe for who He is and what He has done and can do. It's like we recognize that, although we are insignificant in the whole scope of history, God still cares enough about us to "know my every thought" and "know my coming and going" (Ps 139).

One way to understand the bible better is to get a good commentary or study bible. The NIV study bible is a very easy to use one. They have them at Costco. It doesn't come in Old Testament only-but the Old Testament portion of it will have all the Pentateuch, Poetry and history books, and the major and minor prophets. Each book has an historical and cultural overview. Also, as you read through them, there are notes on the bottom that explain things-like original word meaning, historical references and even cross references to other scriptures. So, if you are reading 1 or 2 Samuel, it will have references to the Psalms David wrote when he was going through whatever historical thing you are reading.

You will be following God's will as you continue to pray for your WH. You could pray for God to send him a Nathan, just like in the story of David and Bathsheba.

Your WH may have himself convinced that he and God are fine, and God wants your WH to "be happy" (lots of WS's say this).
But God never changes. God isn't like an indulgent parent saying "oh well, I didn't really mean that 7th commandment if it makes you unhappy." Nope-but God has much more creative ways to get His children's attention (think Jonah and that BIG fish).

BTW-it hasn't rained much but it sure has been windy!

JT,

It's kinda funny, but I almost understand some of the prayers in Hebrew better because I have said them for so many years.

I have two commentaries at home. One is reform and one is for conservative. I'll start looking at those and see what I come up with. Actually, Women of Reform Judaism are putting out this month a woman's commentary on the bible. So I might check that out.

Ok, who was Nathan? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I started reading Job last night, but just got so lost. I think I will try it with the commentary and see where it goes.

My WH has convinced himself of a LOT of things. It's scary what the mind can do. I would love to be able to talk to G-d and find out what's going on. BUT, not happening.

And another is it G-d or is it ODD moment, last night in my AA meeting one woman was talking about Jonah and how she was Jonah. The weird part is that I began talking about Psalm 31 and she reacted so weird. Evidently her sponsor told her she needed to start reading that one everyday and here I was talking about it. So here I am needed to look at her story to learn.

So after my AA meeting, Job and Jonah are with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The wind... ah yes. How often do you lose power? Do you have a generator?

How was work today? Any school delays?

There is so much to learn. I wonder if G-d gave me this time alone to be able to concentrate on it all and asborb it into my every being.

As for the fear of the Lord. I have the utmost respect, fear and belief in what he is capable of. In many respects, the person I was before this would have NEVER reacted this way. I would have been angry, bitter and done anything to hurt people. It can only be G-d working in me that has me falling more in love with my H, though he doesn't exist right now.

What is a Road to Damacus experience?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I just got off the phone with my YS and it broke my heart.

Tonight is the first night of Chanukkah and he doesn't want to celebrate by lighting candles because there is no money to buy presents and as he said "we aren't really a family".

Oh G-d, please walk me through this time and help strengthen my BELIEF in what you are working out in ME and MY FAMILY.

So I wish any of you who this applies to a very Happy Chanukkah and may the miracle of lights brings a miracle into our hearts and homes this year by restoring our families and our marriages.

Warmly,
SG

It's from Acts 9 in the New Testament. Paul (who was named Saul at the time) was riding to Damascus on his way to persecute the Jews who had become Christians. On his way a bright light shone from the sky and voice from heaven said, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me and come against me and my people? (paraphrased by me)). He was blinded by the light and fell to his knees and said, "Lord what do you want me to do?" Some say he was riding a donkey. From that day he was a new man, even changing his name to Paul.

I like to say it's the day he got kicked off his [censored]. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />