What THOUGHTS are running through your mind when you are feeling that way?

I remember that FEAR..even after my H first returned home..

What helped was coming to terms with.."I ONLY HAVE CONTROL OVER MYSELF"..

So you may be right..FEAR from realizing your lack of control over your WH and the situation...

But you will CONQUER the FEAR when you begin to FEEL your OWN POWER...

It's about PERSONAL POWER..

Your POWER is in WORKING YOUR OWN PLAN FOR YOURSELF...

You are IN CONTROL of YOUR OWN THOUGHTS and ACTIONS...

Yes SG.. the ability to completely let go and trust God is -huge-..

I'm dealing with it myself right now in my sitch. I have an email all typed out and ready to go to WW which -might- knock her around a bit with all the problems she's having with her dad and sister as a result of all of this..

OR

I can trust that God is moving through these circumstances to affect my wife.. and I should stay out of it.

Guess what I -should- do?

Not that hard when you're offering advice to others.. tough advice to take for yourself because you feel as if you should be -doing- something.

What I -can- do is stick to my Plan A, be -wonderful- to myself.. do things that make -me- feel good. Respect myself.. work on myself.. forgive myself.. and get on with my life even without WW.. she took herself out of the center of it, and now I get to enjoy taking up the 'whole bed' so to speak for a while..

I really started to notice a difference when I started to be 'ok' with myself in this process. You will too.. and WH likely will as well if he hasn't already.. but you aren't doing this for -him-.. you're doing this for you.

If he catches on and wants to be a part of that, great for him.. but if not being 'ok' with you is critical for your recovery and for you to be 'ok' with someone else.. even your WH right now.

For me.. I'm at a point where I think I'm almost ready for WW if she comes back.. it'll still be hard work, but I think I've got the foundation laid within myself at this point... WW is NOT ready yet.. God's got her in the pressure cooker.. it's going to probably be a while. She's close to rock bottom.. but she's got her lifeline and it's not breaking.. .yet... and it may not.. she might never hit bottom like she needs to.. that depends on what happens in the future on her end... nothing I can control or worry about. I've got to be OK for me just in case it is -just- me in my future.. you'll get there too.

What THOUGHTS are running through your mind when you are feeling that way? That I don't know how to live the rest of my life without him. Or I will never have someone to love in my life and I will be all alone.

I have all this love to give someone and it just sits inside of me useless.

SG. It's okay to fear... for a moment. It's a natural human emotion. It's NOT okay to hang onto that fear... especially if you're working out your relationship with God. Do you trust Him or not? As a prophetic act... buy you or find yourself a small little box. Now go outside and find some smooth stones. Keep a few of them with you all the time. Now. When your fear rises up, think about what IT IS that you fear. Write it on a stone. Then pray:

God, fear does not come from you. I'm releasing this fear and putting it away. I trust you. I believe you. I'm choosing to replace my fear with joy. You are my Father and in You will I trust. Your mercy endures forever.

Then put the stone in the box. Close the lid. When that same fear rises up again, you can remember that you put it away and are trusting God to take care of it.

(((SG)))

PM... that is an -awesome- idea.

James,

I know you and I are so close to the same walk. You FAITH and TRUST is just way MORE stronger.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SG... go read the daily mass readings for today on the link I gave you.

Then you tell me why my trust and faith is strong.

Oh PM,

What a great idea. I will do that. Thank you.

I have to tell you, here I am sitting at my desk, tears running down my face, my body is jumpy.

All the while, a kid went unconscious on the playground, it's early release which speeds up our day, the principal is having me do all this work and I am DEALING with my TRUST and FAITH in G-d and letting go of FEAR.

Hmmmmm. G-d must have FAITH in my strength.

God does have faith in your strength.. because He -knows- what you can handle.

Keep in the back of your mind that every time we suffer, we have been given an opportunity to learn and grow in ourselves and with God.

It's ok to cry.. it's ok to be jittery from time to time.. feel it, acknowledge it for what it is.. and then let go of it..

God will comfort you if you ask Him to.. sometimes just praying is enough to give you the moments peace you need to get it back together and go on with your day.

I get anxious too.. but anxiety comes with expectations.. and that too is something you'll need to let go of.. God will work in His own time, according to His plan.. not ours. We cannot know His design.. but we have to trust that even if His will is not our own.. he has a better plan than we do..

Say the serenity prayer..

Find a Psalm that touches you and brings you comfort and pray it as a reminder when you're feeling anxious.

I think it's GuidedCertainty who has this in her sig: Faith isn't believing God can. It's knowing that He WILL.

Do you -know- that God is working his will in your life? If not.. keep praying.. keep asking for whatever it is you need to believe.. and then once you're done praying.. listen.. read the Word.. listen to the radio.. look around you and try to be open and receptive to what God is telling you.

Sorry to hear about the kid on the playground.. hope he's going to be ok.

I just got done praying my heart out to G-d. And feel WAY better.

I know G-d is working his will out. It's accepting what his will is - NOT MATTER WHAT. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There is a saying that my old sponsor told me. The universe is unfolding exactly as it should, in spite of whether we like it or not.

G-d will have his WILL. And I do BELIEVE he wants me to be happy, joyous and free. I just have to TRUST that he KNOWS what is best FOR ME.

I think the Psalm from your website is a really fitting one for me today as well. I just have WAIT for the Lord and learn the lessons.

Don't worry about the outcome, because he is working on me and I am NOT ready. Someone just came to see me from AA and repeated what she said last night.

If I am worrying or concentrating on someone else's life, whose working on me. It's NOT MY JOB, to worry about my WH. G-d is the ONLY one who can CHANGE him.

Serenity Prayer 101. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am feeling WAY more calmer. Thank you everyone!!!!!

SG,

For me the definition of faith is trusting God and taking Him at His word when I am not seeing Him at work and don't understand what He is doing.

God promises that He has a plan for us and that it is good.

God promises us that He is with us always. Psalm 139 says "I can never get away from my God."

God says that He is in control, especially when we let Him do so. He is in charge even when we are at our lowest. Psalm 102 tells us that God is still on His throne.

He tells us in Joshua that we should not be discouraged because He will be with us, even as He was with Moses.

In the NT Paul says that God works all things together for the good of those that love Him.

And we can learn from Job the lesson of what really trusting God means. For Job lost everything he valued, his crops, his wealth, his children and even his health, but his attitude was one of "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

God let's us have troubles so that we can learn to trust Him even more. If He simply gave us everything we wanted and never allowed us to suffer, we would be like the rich man who trusted in his own wealth... Or the king that trusted in his treaty with others to come to his aide... Or Saul when he took upon himself the task of doing what the prophet was supposed to do in making the sacrifices.

It is when all is well that we lose sight of God and feel like we are doing well. By letting us see how helpless we are, He reminds us of how much we need Him. Even when we think we are in control, we really aren't. Paul tells us that "by Him all things are held together."

The prophet wrote that God has showed us what is good. What does the Lord require of us? To live justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. For when we think we are acting justly, He shows us we are in error because His ways are not ours. And when we realize how lowly were are before Him, He grants us our mercy and that humbles us even further.

A wise man once said I have learned only two things for certain. There is a God...I am not Him.

So we should feel honored and blessed when God allows us to have troubles because it brings us closer to Him. It makes us realize how much we need Him and how helpless we really are without Him. Not that He causes us the trouble, but that He cares enough about us to let us call out to Him and draw nearer to Him and by letting us have the troubles, brings us to a better understanding of how much He loves us.

[/sermon]

Mark

SG..

Ok.. now here's where it'll start to -really- get to you why my faith is so strong.


Now.. if you have any of the emails we've exchanged.. how many times have I told you the last verse of that Psalm is the repeating message I get?

Coincidence that today when -you- needed it.. it happened to be the Psalm for today on that website?

No.. coincidences don't exist.. and that Psalm has been there on -this- day every 1st year of the 3 year liturgical cycle since its establishment..

You just needed it today.. and God provided.

*wink* I needed it too by the way..

I recommend for you not to do private emails with each other at this time...if ever...

It is dangerous.

You both are highly vulnerable.

I'm saying this out of care and concern for the two of you...

Wow Mark,

Through this ordeal, I have come to UNDERSTAND, I LOST the one thing I valued the most which was my HUSBAND, and I didn't even realize it until this HAPPENED.

BUT the bigger REALITY, is I didn't value him BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with G-d who could help me see how MUCH I valued my husband. NO, wait, I DIDN'T VALUE MYSELF, and that's what I NEED to LEARN to do. Isn't it.

Now, I need to TRUST G-d it will be ok. And he is working in me as I breathe.

Ok Mimi, I understand what you are saying.

So this is where I HAVE to admit to myself that I am a WORHTWHILE PERSON, who G-d loves and wants what's best for me.

That it's ok to DESERVE happiness and I DESERVE a H in my life who respect and treats me well. I am a WORTHWHILE person who deserves all the GOOD that G-d can give. And in order to BELIEVE that I DESERVE, I have to FORGIVE and TRUST G-d.

This PERSONAL RECOVERY IS HARD!!!!!

SG and James,

I agree with Mimi. I do have email contact with many people here at MB. I made a commitment right up front that any woman who emailed me for off line help would be required to either supply her husband's email address or other email of someone else, preferably a male, on this board as an accountability control for both of us. All of my emails must go to her AND someone else that can keep us both accountable and hers as well. SG, you already knew this about me, didn't you?

Especially when we begin to commiserate with each other over our marital troubles, we make ourselves way too vulnerable. We're giving without getting anything in return all the time and when ANYONE starts meeting ANY of our ENs, the slope is so slippery that it is impossible to stop the slide once it begins. This is how lots of affairs begin, by two people sharing the problems they were having with their spouses.

This is why the ability to PM other users was shut down BTW. It has already happened here on MB. There are other cases in the works right now in all likelihood. As Elmer might say, "Be vewy, vewy careful."

Mark

Mimi and Mark,

I completely understand. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I do NOT want to comprimise in anyway the GROWTH and PERSONAL RECOVERY G-d is working out in me.

Besides I totally can see what you mean and I will only ANSWER for myself, DO NOT want to be a part of anyone EVER getting hurt or misconstruing something.

SG

Mimi,

I am checking with you on ALL things NOW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My son has a lacrosse tournament, should I call H to invite him to come tomorrow? How do I handle it if he wants OW to come?

SG

I just got word, the money for the attorney has been transferred into my account and funds will be available on Monday.

So now, I have to make the appointment.

Help me what to ask for? Do I go for more than what he is paying if I can get it, or just half his check with the understanding that this includes spousal maintenance?

Hi SG-

If you want some idea of what the courts might decide, you can check out this link at Washington State Courts. The forms are right there for you to download.

http://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/index.cfm

Also your lawyer will know better what you should ask for. That's what you are paying him/her for. What I remember is that even though Washington is a community property state, that doesn't mean necessarily everything is 50/50. There are other factors like how long you've been married, if you supported him while he was going to school or stayed home to raise the kids (thus lowering your ability to earn an equal wage right now) which set up issues of support.

So, don't worry about having to know what to say when you walk into the lawyer's office.

And, if you are only filing a legal separation for right now, the legal payments are still binding. A LSA lasts for 90 days I think, and you can renew it indefinitely in our state.

Finally, I had my twin brother go with me to the lawyer the first time, in case I didn't remember everything that was said (which is always a possibility when it's something stressful that you are talking about) so he could review it with me later.

Hope this helps-