Wear what LOOKS GOOD on YOU and helps YOU to feel GOOD..but at this time...also consider HOW your H likes for you to dress...



That's a hard question. Is he giving you all that YOU NEED right now?



Sad to say, he's already in her arms..your goal is to LURE HIM OUT OF THERE...



He's doing his best to keep you away, to shut you out. It will be almost impossible to OVERLOAD him. You want to GIVE as much as you can into ANY OPENING of THE DOOR that may occur. Read up on the EMOTIONAL NEEDS. You want to meet any EMOTIONAL NEEDS that he will allow you to meet and/or you want to EVIDENCE your CAPACITY to meet his NEEDS.

BTW, I LIKE PINK AND WEAR IT A LOT... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

The pink was for ME.

I have NO clue what he likes me to where since I have BEEN FAT for so many years.

What I did get, was he noticed HOW FANCY I looked on Wednesday.

NOT to DWELL on it, but I REALLY WAS a FAILURE OF A WIFE AT MEETING HIS EMOTIONAL NEEDS. I thought SF would be the key, and I WAS SO WILLING TO DO THAT. But I LOST HIM.

Funny, but that's what he SAID keeps him with her. The intimacy they share.

What am I missing here?

As for the money, It would HELP to have the extra amount, but I am making do and can continue for awhile longer.

So, no legal separation or go see the lawyer and have the paperwork ready to go just in case?

It's BULL what he has to say about their SICK RELATIONSHIP.

Let's focus on the PRESENT. Your story is the same as mine, SG. No different. It's like that of many of us here. I made HORRIBLE MISTAKES AS A WIFE . I told my H early on during PLAN A to give me another chance and thankfully he has done that.

We can't do anything about THE PAST.

Since coming to MBers, WE now know the ingredients for a GREAT MARRIAGE.

NOW we can put what we have learned INTO PRACTICE.

Right now, you are doing this for YOUR MARRIAGE on your own. You are TAKING THE LEAD.

YOU, YOU, YOU..the WOMAN with THE PLAN..

Their relationship IS SICK and DYSFUNCTIONAL..

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO HER and THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MARRIAGE.

When my H was a wayward and "in love" with the HO, he said all kinds of WONDERFUL things about HER. That's part of the TYPICAL WS SCRIPT...

FOCUS ON THE PRESENT....stay OUT OF THE PAST...

My vote is to go to see the lawyer in order to have the paperwork ready.

It will add to your feeling of personal power, I think, to know that you have an OUT ready when necessary.

OK, YOU GOT IT.

I am taking the lead and with G-d's will, your help and a whole LOT OF LOVE for my H, I am going to go get him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I KNOW I am on the cusp of TRULY understanding, but there is something blocking me from totally getting it.

Any idea what that is or how I could get rid of it?

BTW - How was your Saturday? How's the weather?

Ok, Lawyer, paperwork done it is.

I just HAD a great thought.

I think some of the resistance I am feeling is, brining up MEMORIES is living in the PAST.

H DOES NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT AT ALL AND NEITHER DO I FOR THAT MATTER.

So, maybe I should be creating new memories of cooking and baking that create A NEW BEGINNING.

Like brining him scones for breakfast on Monday. See what I mean?

B

You want him to recall when, sad to say, he WAS in love with you...not the BAD PAST..but the GOOD PAST...there surely was a GOOD PAST.

And yes, you've got it right. You want him to believe that there can be a GOOD FUTURE with you.

I'm loving your NEW CONVICTION.

FOLLOW YOUR OWN GUT INSTINCTS with this....using us as YOUR GUIDE...that works BEST, I think...

I am CONVICTED to winning him back.

BUT, I need to be HONEST. And sad to say, the bad and good were probably even. I am NOT KIDDING, when I SAY WE STRUGGLED.

And it was MY FAULT because I didn't have G-d in my life. I can not mimimize how LONG we have lived in a dry drunk, almost 14 or so years. From the time we moved to WA we started pulling away.

And that sadest part was BECAUSE I didn't realize how much I LOVED HIM. He shut me out and I learned to just live another way.

BUT, G-d blesses M and not D and I have FAITH and COMPLETE TRUST, that since G-d is my first priority in life, then I have a SHOT AT MAKING A NEW MARRIAGE WORK.

Does that make sense?

I'll talk to you tomorrow, SG.

Much luck to you with that HUG.

I bet you can guess that my H is not here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I told you our schedules are wierd now.

Yeah, I wondered about that.

Thank you and yes, I will talk to you tomorrow.

Take care of yourself and sweet dreams of that darling H of yours.

B

OK, so guess who showed up with YOU KNOW WHAT? I almost died, truly.

There he was at the end zone, hugging and kissing her. I walked over to him after the game and confronted him. Very graciously, very matter of fact, but inside I wanted to rip his heart out.

He said SHE IS apart of his life now, but I said NOT OURS and NOT OUR CHILDRENS LIVES. I AM PROTECING THEM.

He knew my MS had seen him because of the reaction he got from him. I blew it when I asked him if he hated me that much. It was just the WH, he didn't answer, but looked at me emptily.

I HUGGED him like you said Mimi, and then told him I loved him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Not because I am a doormat, but b/c something inside told me to. He was going to leave and miss his son's next game because she is APART OF HIS LIFE.

I asked my son if he cared that he was there with HER. He said he didn't care, but I KNOW he wanted his dad there. So I called him up and told him to come. He said he would stay hidden.

I am not exaggerating when I say I wanted TO END IT RIGHT THEN. The pain and hearing him say she is apart of his life now, cut me to the core. At that point I gave UP ALL hope, but for the Grace of G-d my DD was home and I called her for JT's number.

Thank you JT for talking to me. You walked me through this and somehow I came back to hope while sitting at the table watching them walk down the ramp.

After they walked by, they stood at the tourney list and I walked right up to them and said HI, I'm Barbara, and shook OW's hand. WITH GLOVES ON OF COURSE.

She said, I'm OW and in the most RIGHTFUL WIFE TONE, I said I KNOW.

I turned to my H and in my most loving sweet voice said, I am really glad you are here, and walked away.

I almost dropped dead of shock at how ugly she is and white trailor trash, hard looking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I heard about it, BUT it was worse than I expected.

SO HELP, NOW WHAT? Should I just go on acting the sweet loving wife in Plan A and bring him those cookies? Because my being sweet and somewhat friends is just so opposite of how I would have acted in the past.

Oddly enough, the first game he couldn't keep his hands off of her, but the second game, they barely touched. He kept laughing loud, but I ignored him.

At the end I walked down the ramp first and completely ignored her, and then walked on the field to my son. My WH didn't walk on the field, but walked away.

OK, so tell me what I did WRONG AND what I SHOULD have done.

SG
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I commend you. There's no way that I would have been able to make it until the end of the game. It it UTTERLY DISGUSTING what your WH did...Unbelievably cruel and harsh...gives me the absolute creeps...



GOOD FOR YOU..that you were able to pull this off...they probably would have had to call the police if my WH had done that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />



You didn't BLOW ANYTHING at all. He BLEW IT as far as I'm concerned..



I understand. I'm just astonished that you were able to do this.

Back Later...

Ouch, that hurt. So sorry, hon. But you did JUST FINE!!!!! These affairs always end, and I'm sure he will be back. Continue with your plan.

I did it absolutely lovingingly too. And truth be told. It felt to be able to act like this. I was truly a woman of G-d with the love in my heart, and protection for my kids.

I was churning inside and just wanted to hurt him so bad.

I pulled it off - with grace, dignity and class. AND I SAW HER UP CLOSE.

UGH!!!

Thanks Believer, I am NOT SO SURE This one will end. Please help me know why? Please.

But I do know that I was a different person when I talked to him today, loving and giving and serene. BUT firm and protecing my children. Something he knew I had a hard time doing.

SG

It will end because 97% of affairs end. Now I'm sure he and the nutty OW think it won't, but it will. And when it does, he will most likely put her out like the trash.

I can't IMAGINE showing up at a married man's childrens game!!!! YIKES!!!!!!!! Sounds like she is a couple of bricks short.

She's a crack addict with hep c, whose been divorced twice and is on state disability. She also had her first child when she was 15. HMmm.... Not the makings for the most sophisticated person is it.

She is 46 and looks like she is 56.

I was stunned. Truly stunned.

And I think I am UGLY.

I CAN'T imagine it either, but I can't imagine BREAKING up a family.

Oh, right, I forgot that part. I'm sure HUBBY will be back and say "I DID WHAT?????????"

And please don't think you are ugly. From your postings, I see a beautiful strong Proverbs 31 woman.

Today was the FIRST day that I realized how much a Proverbs 31 woman I was. It was through JT, that G-d worked for me to somehow walk over there and be gracious and yet not a doormat.

FEELING ugly is my problem, which I am trying to work on. I am just not THERE yet.

Ok, Believer,

I can't really hold you to it, but I am. I pray for and look forward to the day that my HUBBY says that. Not because I will want to gloat, BUT because I had FAITH in G-d to work his miracle in MY HUBBY and bring him home.

I USED to be someone that held resentments constantly. I think today WAS a HUGE lesson that the OLD PERSON is gone. I live in G-d path and have compassion for those who are sick.

I LOVE MY HUBBY. I UNDERSTAND, he doesn't exist and there is a monster in his place. But TODAY, G-d gave me the strength to somehow let go of all my guilt, which really HAS been destroying me lately. I couldn't let it go, and yet today when I SAW him, and I experienced the ABSOLUTELY INSANITY OF HIM STANDING IN FRONT OF ME, SAYING SHE IS A PART OF MY LIFE - I realized that I need to pray harder for G-d to destroy this monster.

He is destructive, hurtful, selfish, ALIEN, and NOT a ROLE MODEL I want my children to have any contact with.

I beg of you all to help pray for my husband's spirit and soul.