LOL...if anyone know it, you do, this is what makes us who we are...it's difficult to go through when you're in it...

but we are better people b/c of it...

just a reminder, I know that you know this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

That's what makes a good mom, or dad for that matter, it's a life long job of wanting to protect our fledgings from harms way...Wouldn't trade it for the world huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi PM,

Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate you keeping an eye on me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We meet in 3 weeks, are you ready to go 14 - 2?

Thanks Strivn,

I ALWAYS need reminders. Especially when I had a day like yesterday and the valley was so low and dark.

No, I wouldn't trade it, but put it on a shelf would be nice. Or having the 2nd parent around is what G-d intended to give us a break and bounce off.

Yesterday was tough. Real tough. Between WH and kids I felt beaten. REALLY BEATEN and was giving up. I got on my knees a few times yesterday for G-d. I cried deep sobs like I haven't for a while, because I'm tired. I just so tired of it all. Emotionally, spiritually and had nothing to give to anyone. I just wanted G-d to take me away and put me out of my misery. That's a very scary place to be especially when you are driving on the freeway and the concrete center becomes your focal point and desire to hit it.

I thought of you Mimi and how you have been so patient and kind. And I called JT and she graciously walked me through stuff and stayed with me on the drive so that I wouldn't do anything I would regret. Thank you JT.

I had to work my 2nd job and that filled up some time. I had sent an email to my boys telling them I was DONE with this rut we were falling into and that we are going to be living a different way or they would have consequences.

G-d is good, I saw an attitude change in my youngest son not just on the phone, but when I got home. He asked me if he could do something for me and I used MB principles that I am learning here on them. Appreciation, sitting down and watching tv with him, etc.

And then I went to bed and started to read this book that I was given on Monday. It's called, G-d is more than enough, by Tony Evans. It is a book about Psalm 23 - The Lord is My Shepherd. It has changed me somehow.

My Plan A yesterday included calling my H and asking him how to reach our boys since they are so much like them. He gave me some information that I can use when he comes home on how to deal with him. He also told me how he shut down on me for all those years, but was listening. I had no idea. Can't change the past, but I can certainly use it to talk to H and boys now with this info.

Then I called him later on to thank him very much for all the help he gave me and how much I appreciated it. I believe it was when he was HOME. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> because he had to get off the phone really quick. But he wished me a good last night of Hanukkah. So, out of desparation somehow G-d gave me the strength to still work Plan A and continue to show H what life would be like.

Through it all, I wasn't hysterical, but strong and looking to problem solve what is happening between our kids. I didn't blame him, but included him in on what's happening. So I think I did good, but am looking for any suggestions that I might have missed.

Mimi, what should I do next in Plan A?

I hope all of you are having a good day and know how special you are to those that you help and just talk to. It makes us feel so not alone and empty. You are being a part of G-d in our lives and I am forever grateful.

Hey Smartie,

I am thinking about you today! I hope you know how much of a blessing you are in my life and how important our friendship has become to me.

How are you doing? Did you get your question answered about the gift from WH.

I love you,
Barbara

Dream on sweetie! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That was pretty awesome that you connected with H when it came to kid issues. You're right, he did give you a glimpse of how to deal with him when he comes home.

SG-- ending your own life is paying the ultimate price. That was the enemy whispering in your ear. God dwells within you so you can be sure that the enemy hates you. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy. If that happens again recognize the source. It does Not come from your Heavenly Father. It's at times like those when you can speak against evil and WIN. Remember that.

Besides that... if you did something foolish like that, I'd have to come up there and hurt you!

(((SG)))

PM,

Dream on? Don't you remember many years ago when Dallas went 2 - 14 and guess who the 2 were against. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You and I are going to have some fun.

As for Plan A'ing H - I am not going to let ANY opportunity to be wasted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> This is too important.

Part of the PERSONAL RECOVERY that all of you are getting me to understand and apply daily is also having to come to terms with WHO I WAS IN THE MARRIAGE. Not to blame myself, but to learn about what happened, so I can change, grow and become the woman G-d envisions.

I clearly can see how I ran on self-will that ultimately landed my personal destruction. But for the grace of G-d, if I had continued on my path as I was living, I would NOT have come to this sight nor walked back into the rooms of AA. I believe though that G-d knows what he HAS in me and KNEW exactly what I would do. But I wasn't totally there yet.

It's easy to talk FAITH, and it's easy to begin to grasp what it's about. But to WALK FAITH totally and completely is something that requires what I believe as Psalm 23. G-d clearly has put circumstances in my life to get me so low that it robs me of my independence of him so that I become COMPLETELY dependent on him. What has been happening the last few days is G-ds way of forcing complete abandonment to him. And once I hit that point, which I believe was last night driving up to my 2nd job, then he can begin to restore my soul.

There is a Hebrew prayer - The soul you have given me is a pure one. For so LONG, I couldn't believe that b/c of my past and the bad things that I was doing in my dry drunk. I don't have to live like that anymore and I can lay down and let G-d have my life for his service.

In my M or actually for my entire life, I have never KNOWN who I was, what is a sense of well-being, a sense of purpose, sense of direction, or sense of hope - and G-d decided he had enough and wanted my soul restored because the soul he has given me is a pure one.

I have NO IDEA what this means, and I don't NEED to, I just need to lie down and let G-d have me TOTALLY.

I clearly still believe my H is coming home one day, because G-d wants that. But today I am able to understand that just like me, he has free will to choose and he is in a PLACE of SICKNESS and DARKNESS. G-d knows the end, I don't, but each and everyday I grasp a little more than I CAN HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE b/c G-ds has HUGE PLANS FOR ME.

PM, one of the things I did last night was scream out loud for Satan to get away from me and my H. What effect it had, only G-d knows. Mimi gave me some great suggestions on how to stop when the downward spiral happens. Suggestions that I am trying to implement. As AA says, progress, not perfection.

And OH so, I am a work in PROGRESS DESIGNED BY G-D.

How about we maybe meet in Dallas or DC for a game someday? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That would be awesome. We could see Dallas play in the Super Bowl this year! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> LOL

Seriously, that would be cool to meet up IRL and watch a game.


God's purpose is "His Kingdom Come". His greatest desire is that we worship him. I do that through my music-- writing, singing and playing. I can't explain how close I feel to Him when I'm doing that. It's even more powerful and meaningful because even though I've experienced a ton of heartache and pain in my life, I still believe. People have cried when I play, but I know it isn't me, it's Him, coming through and annointing the music.

All this stuff you're going through? The purpose will be revealed to you one day. And you'll say, "Ah-ha... so that's why I went through what I did." Continue to seek God and He will be faithful. Ask Him to show you how you can know Him even better.

PM,

And that is what I am working on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He clearly wants me to seek him and he has humbled me enough to stop wanting to fight it.

As the journey begins....

SG,

Before I go reading backwards to think on the 'name' question, I had to stop and post about this,,,



OUTSTANDING! You, my dear, have earned MAJOR Plan A Goddess points on this! That was a double pointer!

One, you included him in finding solutions,,,,asking for his HELP. Valuing his Opinion & insights!

THANKING him,,,, ADMIRING him!! Most Excellent work.

THEN,,,,, on top of it all you realize that these are things that you can use with HIM!!

WOW!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Any more detail you can provide on his comment about how he'd shut down on you for all of those years but was listening? That seems like a BIG admission,,,, What did he say exactly?? How did you respond???

Way to go!

Thanks Bugs,

That is a HUGE compliment and I appreciate it. Before I get to the WH answer, did I read somewhere on here that once you start earning Goddess points you can wear pink? Or am I imagining that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for WH, it's weird, b/c I asked him (is that what you did to me? He didn't respond and I asked again), but as I was asking the same question he responding right before and then had to respond again. Both instances were yes's. And it was interesting b/c he immediately became WH in that instant. He wasn't owning up to what his actions had done to me, just that he did it. And wanted to change the subject and get back to the boys.

How I started the convo was saying that boys are giving me a hard time. And I am trying to reach them, but they are just like him and shut down on me. So I was asking for help in understanding what is happening so that I can reach them. He was all ears and offering suggestions telling me that even though they are shutting down, there are really listening.

And that's when I asked him. So all those years he heard me and never acknowledged me, knowing that it drove me nuts.

Then he said, someone who shuts down, unwilling to acknowledge what's going on, but is really listening the only difference being that they are teenagers. He offered - What you can do is just say your piece and walk away. Leave it in their lap knowing that what you are saying is really going in.

I didn't thank him then, I called him back later last night and interrupted his time with OW to thank him. LOL, that was a gift from G-d that he answered. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am not sure how I exactly responded, because I heard the shift in who I was talking to and I didn't want to LB. I just realized what I had just gotten and let him continue to talk without interrupting him. I USED to do that.

He LOVES to talk and actually it does kinda bore me, but that's a part of him that I need to learn to accept and love him for it.

I will say, his self righteous, know all attitude was driving me nuts. I really can't stand the WH at all. He suggested doing a chore chart, something I asked him to help me create for years and years and he just put it off. LOL - silly man, he was chirping like a bird giving me so much information and experience to understand what and who I am dealing with.

What are you thinking?

I don't want to leave you hanging, but DD just got home and I'm off to spend time with her right now.

Suffice it to say that I think this interaction is important, even though WH showed up mid-conversation. He gave you a clue,, some insight, and even if he didn't realize it, he was watching your reaction very closely.

AND

You are on track with your honest evaluation of your reaction to his "know it all" attitude. Good job with listening. Being in sales, this is the ONE piece of advice I give (although even *I* should do better) that I give to all new sales folks. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN.

Most people just want to feel like they are being HEARD.

Night for now.

Your PLAN A is SUPERB and is being EFFECTIVE. He is opening the door for CONVERSATION, ADMIRATION, FAMILY COMMITMENT...it's GREAT, SG...

Now it's necessary to move towards communicating your need for him to come home to be you and the boys..that you CANNOT raise them ALONE..that you want to work with him as a REAL TEAM..Do you think you should start with a note and cookies? Or is he ready to HEAR you SAY it in a CONVERSATION?

What about MEETING to work on your FRISBEE stuff?

Mimi,

Thanks Mimi for the encouragment. I can't see what you are seeing so I am going on the trust of you and others who understand it. He is NOT ready to hear me say anything because he is SO LOST in the Fog. He TRULY believes he HAS MOVED on. I think a note and cookies would be a good start. I'm not sure how to go about this. Can you help me understand a little more. I guess I am wondering if I came right out and said it, he would say no and retreat more into the WH. Does that make sense?

How would I KNOW if he was READY to hear me say something like that. Especially after what he said to me this weekend?

I have no challenge asking him to meet me for frisbee, what are you thinking? The only challenge is kinda the weather right now. He suggested that I do it up under the cover at school. Let me think about this.

I have to run YS up to dance and then AA meeting. Will you be on later?

SG

Well, if hubby likes talking, and likes giving you advice, that is what I would work on. I'm sure that OW did. I would continue talking about the boys' problems and following his advice on dealing with it, and then asking some more, and telling him how helpful he is.

It will make hubby feel good, and it will drive OW crazy.

SG

Sending love and hugs to you and those beautiful children of yours. You'll never know what a great support you've been to me as I travel my journey.

Anyway, the consensus 'round these parts is the gift is from WH (not H) and a manipulative ploy now that the heat is being turned up in Affairland with the lawsuits and mediation and low checking accounts and ever increasing credit card debt...you get the picture! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WH is even starting to call his parents (had no use for them since this whole thing blew up) and dropping oh-so-subtle hints that his "money situation" is iffy. MIL and FIL are all on that ...won't give him a dime while he's invloved with OW. Did I tell you I love my in-laws??

So dark I shall remain. But you, my friend, are doing an awesome Plan A. I am not worthy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hey, check out Lostva's story (Resilent just posted it). Great Plan A story -- SHE was the one I was telling you about on the phone that wasn't a Plan B type of girl. (sorry I misquoted you Princessmeggy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />)

Talk to you soon...

Smartie

True..GARDEN-VARIETY WS..just as my H was..



First of all, this is ALL ABOUT YOU, remember? No expectation of ANY RESPONSE from him. In fact, your WH has given more of an opening than many..with what he was sharing with you over the phone.

This is about YOU working YOUR PLAN. PLAN A and PLAN B go hand in hand. In preparation for PLAN B, it's important for you to set the stage for him reconciling with you, what it will be like, how things have changed, what you are like, how he will be happy, that you will be able to forgive him, etc. A PART OF HIM WANTS THIS. He likely does not believe that it is possible NOW. So you want to FEED HIM this stuff. Some of it he will get, some of it he will not but he can become clear about what your position on this is....

So as LA would say, this is about YOU speaking YOUR TRUTH..about what YOU want, how YOU FEEL, what YOU NEED. Simply communicate with him. "I WANT OUR MARRIAGE"..

This will not push him further into being a WS. He already is a WS. You are a LIGHTHOUSE..beckoning him HOME to his FAMILY where he BELONGS and you are letting him know CLEARLY that the DOOR is OPEN for him.

MY FORWARDNESS about this is what MY HUSBAND found to be ATTRACTIVE. That's the PERSONAL POWER. You are communicating I AM SOMEBODY and I'M GOING TO LET YOU KNOW WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT. IF YOU LOSE ME, YOU HAVE LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL..Head up, chest out...

Hi SG-

I've been super busy tonight (picture TAZ in a maroon Saturn and you have JT tonight) but I did get a chance to read your thread and a few threads where you posted encouragement to others.

You are doing AWESOME! Sometimes I think when we get to that place where we are willing to break down in front of God, and our souls are beyond words-that's when God does His greatest work in us. It was in something you said about completely abandoning ourselves to Him, and not stepping out in our independent spirit=that made me think about this. Also, when you said that it doesn't have to "make sense". It's as if our souls know it makes sense on a spiritual level.

I am so happy that God let me be part of your journey.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I want to give you the verse that was my grandpa's life verse. I'll tell you his story when we meet up after school lets out. He was 101 when he passed.

Prov. 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

You go girl!

Wow Mimi,

Let's set the stage and have me DO IT. First though, I keep going back to something he said last week about him being somebody. I really think I need to somehow communicate this to him. In an ecard perhaps? He clearly doesn't think he is somebody or he wouldn't be living with a crackho. True?

Head up, Chest Out - Yes, I remember, it's about ME. You are so right about what he is giving me. He won't respond, but he is hearing every word I say. So let's work on what I can say that if nothing else will impact ME. This personal power thing is so new. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A few things to keep in mind, he has to TRULY BELIEVE THAT THINGS HAVE CHANGED. I don't know if he does or not. Then, he has to BELIEVE THAT HE IS ABSOLUTELY NUMBER ONE IN MY LIFE. This is crucial. I can do it, I just am not sure what to say exactly.

Example - Hi there, I wanted to call and talk to you about something? I want you to know how much I want to create the most magnificent marriage that I believe G-d has planned for us. We have the greatest opportunity to glorify G-d by taking this experience and creating a new life together that is based on a deep love and respect for each other where we are learning how to meet each others needs in the most basic ways. I want us to raise our children as true team partners in life creating the loving home that we both have always desired and have the opportunity to finally have. What do you think? What happens if he does his babble about his life is with her now? Or he has no desire for me and wants something more than to be married to his best friend.

And would I do this soon or have a few more conversations with him around the kids and how much I appreciate his help and what I have done with his suggestions? Oh this is too fun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I'm gain to do this if you are game to walk me through it teacher. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Smartie,
I'm glad you got a consensus on how to handle the gift. So enjoy it and we can talk about the recipes you are going to make.

Thanks Believer, I agree. Keep him talking.

Hi there JT,

I love it when you give me scripture to read. Your wisdom is such a wealth of joy. Thank you. I'm not kidding this book that I began reading last night is amazing. It completely put things into perspective for me and helped me to just utterly and completely surrender to G-d. That's what he wants is total dependence on him.

If he is the only one who can ulitmately bless me, I'm tired of fighting him.

I really want you to know how you stopped me from hurting myself last night. Your kindnes of talking with me gave me the strength to break down and turn my life over to him, trusting it will be ok one day.

I'm grateful to G-d that he has you be a part of my journey. I treasure your wisdom and look forward to truly talking torah and scripture from a knowledgeable base and each of us sharing our insights. That will come one day with G-ds hand.

Your grandpa sounds like a very wise man. Can you tell me about him. Were you close to him?

How are you today? Taking care of yourself, I hope.

JT/SG:



WOW..this is my absolute favorite Bible verse. It's written on a plaque which has sat on my dresser since PLAN B. It's still there for me to see when I wake up each morning...