This is one of MY favorite verses too! Especially the part about "...lean not unto your own understanding...". I can completely put my trust in Him. Even if I don't GET IT, He does.

Agreed. PERFECT PLAN. A more simple way of thinking of my previous post is that you have to help him find THE PATHWAY home. I used the analogy of HANSEL and GRETEL using the BREADCRUMBS and that stuck with my H. He talked about FINDING THE BREADCRUMBS. Your H may feel that he is so STUCK there in the HO's web that he can't possibly get himself untangled. I had to help my H understand that he had NO OBLIGATION to his HO, that I NEEDED him and that she had to own her responsibility for the mess that they had made. HE FELT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WHOLE MESS in the midst of his FOGGINESS.



You have EXACTLY what it's important to COMMUNICATE to HIM...BUT, not in ONE CONVERSATION..LOL...in a SERIES of CONVERSATIONS and in ACTIONS..this is your MISSION STATEMENT..what you are wanting to accomplish...so BIT by BIT..in each interaction that you have with him...For example, in a conversation about your sons: "I would love the chance for us to work together as a team in rearing them"..then STOP...in another conversation: "I want you to come live with us"..STOP...SIMPLE AND SUCCINCT STATEMENTS that you repeat over and over...He is a WS...with a FOGGY mind...with POOR COMPREHENSION abilities...he's on a HIGH...Get it?



I learned to IGNORE most of what my WH SAID...That's another trick..SOME important stuff may occasionally come out of his mouth..but it is mostly BULL to try to throw you off of YOUR PLAN...

You want to MAINTAIN YOUR CONTROL..this is YOUR PLAN..he has no plan..

And know this: FOR THE WS, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS..take note of his ACTIONS..This is almost a direct quote from my H who acknowledges that HE WAS the MASTER BSer..He said that he actually started BELIEVING the BS that he was SAYING that he was so GOOD at ACTING... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Take note of your WH's actions..He's having telephone conversations with you now..he was compliant when you set limit at the tournament..he picked up the phone and called you...he shared A SLICE of his concerns about the marriage...AND I guarantee you that he can't get HIS VISION of YOU out of his mind...as much as he may want to...VISIONS of you are clicking up...

And I also GUARANTEE you that the OW is counting for you to just GO AWAY and ACCEPT his BS...

ONWARD WARRIOR GODDESS....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Dang you're good Mimi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL,

Silly me, that's why I was so shocked at what you were writing. I thought you wanted me to just come out and say all that at once. THIS I CAN COMPLETELY DO.

Stop shaking your head everyone, it's still early on the west coast. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Simple, short and moving loving statements that bring Mr. Hansel home. WHOA!! I think I found my name. How about Mr. Hansel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Bugs, what do you think?

Hey Mimi,
You can pretty much forget everything I said about the fog stuff, because I was responding to this being a one shot deal. If this is over time, I can so ignore WH and babble, well I'm getting better at it.

BIT BY BIT, I am going to bring Mr. Hansel home. HEAD'S UP, CHEST OUT AND HE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE, NOT WITH G-D, YOU, and EVERYONE WHO IS HELPING AND PULLING FOR ME, AND MB PRINCIPLES ON MY SIDE.

I absolutely agree that untangling him from her is HUGE. She is ABSOLUTELY DEPENDENT on him. No job, no money, no place to live. UGH, but I AM STRONGER, WISER, AND THE WIFE. WHO KNOWS HER HUSBAND BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE ON THIS EARTH.

LET'S GO GET HIM!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

I think OW got quite an example that I am NOT just going to go away on Sunday when I walked up to her. As sweet as I was, she completely knew her days were numbered and she doesn't stand a chance in the LONG RUN.

And then for her to have to experience the wrath of MY FRIENDS and in MY TOWN gave her another flavor she is in the wrong game with me. AT least i HOPE so.

She also thinks she has MY HUSBAND, she DOESN'T. She has the WAYWARD MONSTER. And I DON'T want HIM.

I completely see where my WH is believing everything he says. Truly... BUT, I am STRONGER, FIGHTING FOR MY MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, AND HAVE G-D ON MY SIDE.

First order of business. To CALL him and thank him for the suggestions on the boys. And get in the part of chid rearing. End of conversation.

Just as a learning tool, can these conversations be done on a message if he doesn't answer?

SG..you and I are such KINDRED SPIRITS...

I sit here and GRIN when I read your posts...

Did you know that you help me just as much as I help you?

You brighten my day...



BRIEF but well-worded messages...

"I'm missing you here with me"...

"Today I was thinking about the time when you, the kids and I did SUCH AND SUCH"....

And PRINCESS..thanks for the strokes..I learned this stuff from STEVE HARLEY...hours of coaching...I'm passing it on... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

When I was reading your posts I really saw my feelings and my thoughts in you. That's what drew me to you. We are KINDRED SPIRITS.

I can't see where I help you as much as you help me, BUT ONE DAY MAYBE, and I'll take the compliment and know that if I am, it's b/c G-d is working in me to do his work. And that's a BLESSING.

One of the most joys I have found again in my LIFE is putting smiles on peoples faces and hearing them laugh. If you could hear how I laughed when I realized you didn't mean it all at once. LOL What a goof.

Oh, I am so UP FOR THIS.

You are one special lady and your HUBBY is SO LUCKY.

First order of business is to send that ecard saying that HE ALWAYS WAS SOMEBODY TO ME. What a harsh world he must live in to realize that a stupid card can make you someone. WOW......

Tomorrow I call and leave a message if I don't get him.

Monday I bring him some baked goodies with a note. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This is what you do for me...so FEEL GREAT about it...



SAME FOR YOU!!

I LOVE YOUR PLAN!!

ONWARD, WARRIOR GODDESS!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> GODDESSES do wear SHADES..also known as SUNGLASSES...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you could see my new glasses you would be amazed at the goddess style.

I am actually going to get contacts with bifocals. And then will REALLY get me some GODDESS STYLE SUNGLASSES. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I might even get a scarf to wear on my head. LOL - Not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Lucky me to live in a state where the sun won't shine until July. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Does anyone remember that movie Overboard with Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn?

Near the end of the movie Kurt Russell says - LET'S GO GET MOM.

My MOTTO - LET'S GO GET MY HUSBAND <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Let's call him HANSEL...not MR. HANSEL..

I see him as a little boy..

Oh do you GOT THAT RIGHT.

HANSEL IT IS...

BTW, I have regular contacts (VERY POOR VISION) and use READING GLASSES for my bifocals...

They have LOTS of FUN styles of READING GLASSES..I have different FUN colors and some with RHINESTONES..

Did you know the part of my story where my H hid my glasses one night so that I couldn't drive over to the OW's house??? ....OH MY....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Oh that's I think what I meant, getting normal ones and then reading glasses.

I LOVE RHINESTONES!!! And FUN!! HUBBY has always been way more conservative than me, borderline uptight and boring. I am the loose experience life. Evidentl Hansel has a DARK side to him that needs to be expressed. Which I might ADD, I always encouraged him to express with me, but he SAID he couldn't do that with his WIFE. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

LOL, I don't remember that part, I will go back and find it. What a silly man.

I was thinking about getting H Wizard of Oz as a gift one day. Think he will get it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Don't waste your precious time, looking for that CRAP. I'm not even sure that I posted about it. Just a BLIP on the RADAR SCREEN... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I spent the morning up at district office at a Round Table Meeting which is all the Presidents of the PTA's come and talk with the superindentent about what's happening in the school. They were talking about some stuff that I already sit on a committee and have the information, so my mind was wandering. I was thinking about what you said about your H liking when you were more "powerful".

In my M, I was always the outgoing, more powerful one and he hated that. He hated the connections and respect that I have within our many communities. He just wanted me to himself. I think that's why he picked such a loser.

One of the things that I have learned is how much I needed him in my life. Eveyone imagined me leaving him, not the other way around or absolutely not being destroyed the way I was.

Anyways, wouldn't being more assertive or powerful be the same person I always was and turn off to hubby? But then I hear that she orders him around and he has to be in constant contact with her. I don't know what I am trying to say, but wanted to explore this. What do you think?


SG

I have described my H's affair as his "WALK ON THE WILD SIDE"..he HAD always been so STRAIGHT and CONSERVATIVE..GOODY TWO-SHOES...it was all PRETENSE..now he is MORE REAL...

That's all I EVER WANTED was the REAL MAN, not his games or hiddeness.

Oh well, can't go back. Will CHANGE AND CREATE IT IN G-D'S IMAGE.

Here's my Plan A action for the day.'

I sent Hansel a Thinking of You Card that was beautiful. It says, I was just thinking that it's not the same without you. Wish you were here. And I wrote - You were ALWAYS somebody to ME.

I'll let you know what happens.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey SG

Checking in and saw this quote:

"In my M, I was always the outgoing, more powerful one and he hated that. He hated the connections and respect that I have within our many communities. He just wanted me to himself. I think that's why he picked such a loser. "

ONG--I cannot tell how many people have said the same thing to me once they found out my WH left to be with OW--"We always thought if you broke up, you'd be the one to leave him." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> WH was SO jealous that I was successful in my career, that my world was expanding beyond him with school and new friends. Hence, picking an OW who made him believe her whole world revolves around him.

But things may be shifting in affairland as of today. You and I need to TALK girl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Smartie