Sounds like some great Plan A plans!

Thanks, JT

How is your day going?

It just amazes me how sweet and talkative he is. Does he not have a clue as to the heartache and devastation he is causing us. He's hurt because MS didn't call him back to go play soccer with him. Unbelievable.

I am blown away at how I just pump him up and he loves it, not once saying thank you for taking care of the kids all by yourself. I really must be doing a good Plan A, because he is just so happy and talkative and open with everything I ask. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It hurts so deeply though. It really does.

What goes on in that brain, is there someone WW story on here that I can go read and really try to understand or is it just something that is better left to G-d.

I'm writing because it's late and I went shopping to get tins for bringing WH cookies and fudge tomorrow.

I'm frustrated because my AA sponsor just doesn't understand my desire to stand for my M. Doesn't believe it's G-ds will and believes that I am addicted to my H, because I haven't moved on.

I just wanted to come here where I know people understand and if anyone reads this who is lonely tonight. I am so sorry for your pain and will be praying for your recovery as well.

Warmly,
SG

SG, there will always be "naysayers" who won't understand what you're doing. Don't let them sway you. Your sponsor is wrong. If it becomes an issue that hinders you from moving on in your personal recovery, perhaps a new sponsor might be in order? If not, then just listen and smile and know that you are on the right path.

I agree with PRINCESS.

Thanks you two,

I tend to agree about getting a new sponsor if I need to. I continue to work my program and practice the AA principles and don't ever want to go back to that dry drunk place, but people just don't understand at all.

Hey Mimi, I really missed you yesterday, what were you up to. Did you get to read PM's story. What a blessing! I didn't miss that one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

For the first time in a LONG time, I slept horribly. There is so much on my heart and confusion. I had written my newer rabbi, who is no longer with us and told her I was feeling a pull towards Christianity because I felt so much support for standing for my M in that community versus the Jewish community.

She was a little shocked to say the least and wants to talk to me about this. She knows the personal struggles I have gone through for many years and just wants to make sure I don't do anything rash or for the wrong reasons.

You are so right the "naysayers" just look at me as if I am one stupid person and why would I do it when there is NO HOPE. I might add that most of them are divorced and don't understand how I could EVER forgive my husband.

What they don't understand is that it wasn't my job to forgive him, it's my job to follow in G-ds path and do as he directs me which is learn to love him. PM, what you wrote about the respect thing.... Can you write more about that.

I think that I didn't respect my husband enough because I allowed him to push me away. I know I love him, but what your H said about that, makes me really stop and think.

Do you think I am addicted to my H or how would I look at that to see.

I just believe that I vowed to G-d and take my vows seriously and this is in sickness and health. If he was out using or drinking I wouldn't divorce him, I would be doing the same thing.

Hi SG-

I don't think you are addicted to your H. You are committed to your covenant and you are following God's will-as it is written in His word. He will honor your faithfulness, even if your WH doesn't.

There are lots of examples of just one or two people following God's will, and the others missing the point. When the nation of Israel came to the promised land and sent 10 spies into Jericho, only two-Joshua and Caleb-came back saying that with the Lord's help, they could take the land. Because of the people's doubt, they wandered 40 years until all of those who had doubted had died-except for Caleb and Joshua. Their faithfulness was rewarded and they were allowed to enter the Promised Land. Joshua became the leader of Israel during that time (Joshua and the battle of Jericho-now I'll have that song in my head all day!).

I don't think your sponsor understands "moving on" the way that it is happening in your life. You are moving on in your faith and trust. You are moving on in recognizing things in your life that were barriers to your faith and your relationship with your H. You are moving on in becoming a woman of God's own heart and a mother whose faith is a refuge for her children.

Sometimes I think you just have to tell people that they don't have to understand what you are doing, but you would appreciate their support and prayers as you walk this journey.

Hang in there. Keep posting. We are here for you.

Hey-are we meeting on Friday? I'll email you.

Hi JT,

How's the day going? Our kids are getting anxious and out of sorts. Can't wait for all those parties tomorrow.

My own children are blowing it again.

Yes, I am really looking forward to meeting with you on Friday. I forgot to reply to the email. I can drive whereever is easier for you.

Thanks I really appreciate you and the others on here. I somehow don't feel as lonely.

I have told people that they don't understand and that I just need their support and prayers. That's why I have LOST many people in my life who I thought were friends, but truly aren't. That's the sadness too. Coming to grips with things that I believed before this. My H at one time wanted me to give up my friends. I did for a long time and it didn't make him happy. So deep down knowing it didn't help, I reconnected with my girlfriends because I missed them.

Did you read that update from PM on what her H said. What an inspiration and awesome thing to have happen.

One other thing I am noticing, is more and more I like just staying home and in many respects just being with G-d alone. My friends believe I am isolating and I really am not. I prefer to be there with my boys. I am forever changed in so many ways and being with G-d is my most joyous time of the day. Is that ok or normal?

Do what you need to do to get you where you need to be.


Wow, SG. That's pretty heavy. I can only suggest that you prayerfully search your heart and His word about what's right for you. Seek Him earnestly and tell Him you want to KNOW him personally.


I failed miserably in the respect department for many years concerning my husband. I dissed him, I belittled him, I did what "I" wanted. I can remember saying to my girlfriends, "What's he gonna do? Divorce me? Ha, ha, ha." I chose the children over him. I allowed the children to come between us. I called him "loser" (that one hurts me the most). I did not know the damage I was causing in my marriage. I wasn't serious about my relationship with God and I sure wasn't serious about my relationship with my husband. I took both for granted.

I didn't start learning about respecting my husband in a Godly way until it was almost too late. Now I can see where my relationship with my husband reflects on my relationship with God. I am no Bible scholar (I’m just learning too even though I was raised a preacher’s kid!) but I’ll try and find some scriptures for you that may explain where I’m coming from. Maybe someone else can express this better than me?


I don’t understand what you mean by this.

Yes I think it is normal. When you are in a deep and growing personal relationship with someone, of course you want to spend time with them. That's what you are doing with God. Plus, spending time with Him is refreshing and life-giving.

Spending time with your kids and at home is creating a place of calm for them. They have had a lot of change too so creating a refuge for them is important.

When they get upset with you-"surly" as my oldest DD describes her teen-age brothers at these times-it's because they feel safe enough to express their feelings to you. That doesn't make it right, and you can point that out to them. Just keep that in mind-it isn't personal against you. It's that they feel safe "letting off steam" so-to-speak.

Also, it's so dark, cold and wet during the winter here, lots of folks "hibernate" more.

The Christian thoughts are a HUGE thing to me, especially if you knew how hard I have worked to have a Jewish life. But I am really lost in how my religion doesn't support marital vows, or at the very least the reform movement.

I am not just walking into this, but looking at what is in my heart and what ultimately G-d wants for me. I think that where this is coming from is a place of like a blank portrait that G-d is creating in his will and image. I am looking to do G-ds will and become who he wants for me. I am opening my heart to what that is and not just leaving doors closed that were once closed. Does that make sense?

My husband is someone who played games with me throughout our life. He would shut down or pick on me continously until I gave up. I would keep digging or walk away and ultimately shut down myself, instead of looking to G-d for how to work through things.

I won't do that anymore. I keep coming back to all the different things I tried in my M to please my H. At one point I worked on becoming a completely submissive wife and respect my H totally. I let him make all the decisions, deferred to him for guidance in everything. I worked on this for years, but it didn't make him happy. Unfortunately I gave up trying because my perception was he didn't step up and be the head of the house and things were falling apart.

I can make all the excuses in the world why I did what I did, but the complete bottom line is G-d was not at the center. And that is what is so different. G-d is my center, my light to where I am supposed to walk. When I am weak and fearful I somehow have to shake this feeling off and train my mind like Mimi says. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Does that clear it up? Are you seeing something that I can work through?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

They do feel safest with me because they KNOW I won't LEAVE them. I am tempted to drop them off in DELIVERANCE, but don't think I could really pull this off.

How can I explain it to others so they won't feel like I am isolating and feeling sorry for myself.

I don't believe I am, I am just different and enjoy the time I have with G-d and by myself. There is so much to learn and I feel like I don't have enough time.

So what kind of food do you like? Do you like sushi? Or what was that restaurant you were talking about?

Queenie:

I can give a testimony about how a TRAGEDY such as my H's affair has changed my life for the GOOD.

Every day I have to work on my regret over having wasted so many years in the WRONG ORGANIZATIONS with the WRONG FRIENDS with the WRONG PRIORITIES. I'm over 50 now and feel like I wasted so much time.

My H and I no longer go to the same church, no longer have the same friends. There's family members that I spend time with sparingly because they weren't good for me.

We have started our lives all over again.

We will move to a new city ASAP.

This has been a blessing.

These were changes that were necessary that I should have done YEARS ago.

So much wasted time.

This CAN change your life for the BETTER...

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

Be open to where GOD is leading you.

Add to your prayers: "Where you lead, Lord, I will follow...

Remember: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...."

Wow Mimi,

You are I walked such similar stories.

And you are right, they are changes that I am completely willing to make.

A couple of months after D-Day, I told H how I would quit my job and move away if he asked, even though he KNOWS how much I love my job. He was shocked to say the list. He asked me about it and I told him that HE was more IMPORTANT than any job. I pray that G-d will give me another chance to completely start over and create a completely new life with my husband.

I am really working hard at moving forward. I think knowing that I have two weeks off is a little daunting. During the summer I had to pack for moving and could lay outside. I am going to have to see what I can do to occupy my time. Ah, maybe play games with my youngest son.

I really believe I am OPEN to where G-d is leading me. I just need to keep praying for those qualities he desires me to have. How can I pray for the unknown qualities?

Yes, he is definetly making me lay down in green pastures by still waters. He is definetly restoring my soul. How fitting this Psalm is to my life today.

It's so

Ok, I am really having a fun day at work today. One of our paraeducators was just hear asking me how I am doing. I don't know where this came from, but I thought some of us might get a chuckle out of this.

"I don't know why G-d gave my WH free will, he doesn't know what to do with it"

Anything to make me laugh right now. Through this, I lost my sense of humor. I am praying for it to come back.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It'll come back.. start watching the standup comics on Comedy Central and you'll be just fine <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Takes time.. don't rush yourself or feel like you have to be in a hurry to get to a particular place. Work steadily towards your goals for yourself.. even if it's recovering your laugh. One day, you'll find yourself laughing.. and it'll hit you that it's genuine and you'll feel a little lighter.

That very thing happened to me standing in a COLD line for a hayride at the end of October with DD in the middle of a Girl Scout camp.. I've been laughing again ever since.

Ah James,

You really are an amazing person with such faith and strength. One day, G-d willing your wife will understand what she has in you.

My SIL is an administrative assistant for Girl Scouts in CA. I never did it with my daughter. I did the temple and religous involvement along with soccer for her.

Who do you play this weekend?

You know SG, you've been very kind and shown great restraint.

You haven't mentioned the defeat of the boys on Sunday once to me! LOL

Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

NO WAY could I ever do that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Besides the good Lord blessed me with a win and I was truly grateful for that.

Ok the real reason, we still play you in two weeks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Restraint - is definetly a quality I have at times, something very new for me I might add. I love to see peoples faces when I tell them how I walked up to OW and graciously and warmly introduced myself to her.

I hope G-d was proud of me for that and it met with his approval.