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Or should I invite him out for a walk and then talk to him? YES!! Invite him for a walk...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Ok, I really am understanding what you are saying.
And I get that I am doing this FOR ME because it is WHAT I WANT.
No, I am not getting that negotiating is part of Plan A. Or I could even almost get it. What do I do when he says no and he will. Do I keep Plan Aing him or immediately go to Plan B.
I guess what I am trying to understand is the timing of this. Not for him, not to control him, but what is best for me. Because the LSA is not in effect yet or ready and knowing how cruel WH can be, I don't want him to stop the money if I tell him I am getting a LSA. Do you see what I am asking?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I don't know any other way to tell you other than I made it clear. I was a broken record about it in WORD and DEED.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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SG,
Thanks for the short version. Did I read that right - her 19 year old has THREE kids????
Just one more question. I assume that you each have never been M to anyone else right?
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Yes, the 19 YO has three children.
No I have NEVER been married to anyone else or in a relationship with anyone else for that matter.
Why?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Ok, got it. My deeds are the broken record, my words are telling him I love him and want my husband, but not actually telling him to come home. At least not for a few months.
Let me just get the complete understanding of the timing of this. Should I just come out and ask him, prepare for the NO, and then keep Plan Aing him until I am ready for Plan B?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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This is why I encourage reading SURVIVING AN AFFAIR. Dr. Harley can explain it better than me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
It is ONGOING throughout PLAN A...meeting his ENs and negotiating the end of the affair..The NEGOTIATION is ONGOING..in repeated conversations..Don't give up if he says NO..one time..See what I mean?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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No reason. Just wondered if you were "high school sweethearts." It looked from your sig line that you were, so just thought I would ask.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Should I just come out and ask him, prepare for the NO, and then keep Plan Aing him until I am ready for Plan B? Ok..you've almost got it...but you don't ask him..you TELL HIM that you want him to come home... It's not PULLING HIM but OPENING YOURSELF UP like a flower...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Actually no.
We worked together in a furniture store and I married him because his drugs were good and I had NO SELF-ESTEEM and didn't think anyone would ever want me.
Sad, but true.
The saddest part is coming to realize how much I loved him and it could be too late.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I can get that I TELL HIM I want to come home.
But do I just keep on Plan Aing him until I am ready for Plan B?
And do I keep telling him every chance I get that I want him to come home.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Oh, WH is so there tonight. I asked him if he could work on the Mers tomorrow. He said NO, to much to do and quickly got offline. LOL, silly man. He just doesn't understand I love my HUBBY and want him home. And that I am going to keep on fighting. I don't suppose I could call and leave him a message that I wanted him to come home? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by skinsgal; 12/23/07 10:21 PM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 15,310
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But do I just keep on Plan Aing him until I am ready for Plan B?
And do I keep telling him every chance I get that I want him to come home. EXACTLY!!
Last edited by mimi_here; 12/23/07 10:21 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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And he will go into DRAC mode...like tonight..run back into the darkness after he peeks out into the light..ask Bugsy about that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Or send Ecards.
So one last question. I just completely start inundating him with what I WANT by Plan Aing him and throwing in every chance I get that I want him to come home? REALLY?
What happens when he starts to avoid me or get mad at me?
Hey Mimi,
I really hope you know how much I appreciate the time you are giving me and that I am working so hard to make you proud and accomplish this.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi Queenie-
Busy (and wet) day today so I just got caught up with your postings.
WOW! How awesome that you turned to the Old Testament story of Exodus and God was able to speak to you in that story to help you focus your prayers for your WH. (Plus, you have that connection to the story with your kids' names. Now that's a God thing for sure).
I think your rabbi is correct about God fighting for you, but God is fighting for you AND your marriage. You are doing great and are getting excellent advice.
If I don't get around to posting to you until the pm the next couple of days, it's because of family, baking, dogs, etc....But I will check in.
I gotta finish making my boys WSU Cougs PJ pants.
johnstwin-
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther
Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!
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Do this for YOURSELF...not for me or anyone else...
So what if he gets mad at you?
Come on Queenie..he's a loser, right now..who abandoned his family for a crack ho...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Ah, so I need to hit up Bugsy and read how she got through it, and yes see what she offers up. She is so good at that. Actually it dawned on me that his going Drac is a good thing. And the fact that he always has to keep himself so busy is because he can't be with himself because he KNOWS he is DESTROYING HIMSELF. And in a way, that is perfect, because when he is in a bad mood, he won't be able to take it out on me, but she will get it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 6,643
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LOL, You are so right. How the heck can I imagine this WH is worth it.
But I know that my HUBBY is and I am fighting for HIM. The truth is, whether he comes back or not, isn't what matters. It matters that I was willing to give it everything I HAVE to save this M and fight for our children.
Right. SO HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, and LOOK OUT. BECAUSE QUEENIE IS MOVING ON AND TAKING CONTROL FOR HERSELF, AND NO ONE ELSE.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 15,310
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The main thing is that he is LOST...
You are the one with the PLAN..
Don't fear him...or be concerned about his reaction to YOU...
GET STRONG..BE STRONG...
Where is that WARRIOR GODDESS??
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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