Sorry, I am not familiar with her sitch. I have had limited time here and frankly, don't keep up with a whole lot of folks,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Good for you on your 20 years! yes, WH is going thru an addiction now,,,,,,,the good news is that having battled through others he does, deep down, know what it takes to "beat it" so to speak. When the time comes, you both know he can do it.

I've never been one for anything other than the 'drink'. Pot made me paranoid and I was always afraid that I'd like coke too much, so it kept me from even trying it one time. I have family members who have fought various addictions. I lost my nephew (23yrs old) this last spring. He'd beaten pot and pills after a very HARD struggle. Was turning his life totally around. Had a car accident. Long sordid tale that you can read for yourself going back on my thread to May of this year.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,,the fact that you were somewhere that it was being passed around and you admit to the vunerability yet you passed it up?? Goddess Strength and Power there!! You got it!!

Well, well.

H peeked out for a second I think tonight. We have kinda been talking on and off today through messaging. Not in person. I don't have a desire to talk to him and deal with WH.

I started it off by saying, Oh Darn, I missed you. I wanted to tell you of a miracle.

He replied: Ok, What miracle.

Then he wrote that it was snowing. I could tell he was excited. He really does love the snow.

I replied: I love watching your face when it snows. Such excitement. It's snowing here too.

Then he replied. No more snow, but no rain either

I have left a few messages, gone to his game, he wasn't there and emailed him. This is the first time he has responded and it's been twice.

No expectations, but I really think that sometimes I can just keep reaching my H for few moments.

So, I left another message.
me: hey there, it was so funny, when we came out of the movies - we went to see National Treasure (awesome), anyways, we were running towards the car and I made the silly comment, it looks like it's snowing. The boys are like, mom it IS snowing. They had the best time laughing at me. Just like you used to.

Will see if he responds.

I've also thought of a few other memories that I can tell him about that will really bring up good times. Times when we were younger and so in love. It's funny, I had forgotten how much in love we were in the beginning and how good we were together.

I'm a little surprise he responded to me saying "I love watching your face when it snows. Such excitement. It's snowing here too."

Ok, I don't really want to pray for patience, so what would be a quality that is similar, but won't keep giving me circumstances where I need to be patient.

What did he say?

NOT AT ALL! I am NOT kidding when I say, if I were to drink or use I would DIE. There is no MIDDLE for me. I just didn't want to die that bad that night and I was around friends and my community.

My H's drug of choice was Coke. I find it interesting how his OW is a crack addict. The values that go by the waste side are so similar to the Affair Addiction. Maybe not as physically harmful. But in his case, she has hep C. He could truly die from this.

How scary he doesn't get it.

He just emailed me back, no snow, no rain either.

It was the fact he responded to me that is interesting. Recently he hasn't responded to anything that has love in it or shows him I care.

I have to wonder if celebrating Christmas this year is weird to him. He hasn't had a tree in almost 18 years and he converted to Judaism and takes it seriously.

Think that in a way, today could be getting to him because he is celebrating it as a holiday and for him it's NOT a holiday and he didn't have his children at all.

How can he exist without his kids?

Like Orchid says, Plan A your husband, and Plan B the WH. You are doing very well.

So great for YOU to recognize you are an IN or OUT person and then consistently choose to be OUT of that. To KNOW that it is a do or die.

Again, amazing strength I see in you. And again, don't DISCOUNT this strength!! Sweetie, we BOTH know too, too, too many people who are overtaken by the addiction. Those who KNOW it's abstain or DIE, but can NOT say NO.

And, how sad about WH who is CHOOSING to ignore what he KNOWS is so damaging. The whole 'flirting with disaster' theme isn't unusual to WSs.

I am about exhausted,,,,,,,,,FINALLY. I am going to the tub for that nice bath and then to bed. Sleep well.

Hi Beleiver, how are you doing?

I totally agree with that philosophy and fortunately, knowing which one is which comes extremely naturally to me.

My MS was a child who literally had a switch that turned off and on to Mr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I learned to figure this out and work with it. I bet that was my training for this monster.

I just wish I could access H anytime I wanted. That would be so much easier. BUT WH is the one in control, not me.

Thanks Bugs,

I will take your complement with a heartfelt thank you. And you are right, if ever there was a reason to drink or use, this would have been it. It's by G-ds grace that I found my butt back into AA and recovery.

Yes it is SAD he is CHOOSING to destroy his life. He BLAMES me for sure, but that's his problem. I am only taking what blame I own. He chose to leave, I certainly didn't ask him to and have always asked him to come home.

I"m glad you are getting exhausted. Sleep well, special person. Talk to you soon.

Warmly,
B

Darn it,,,, was headed to the tub but gotta comment on this.




This is NOT where your focus should be! YOU are in control of what you can control. There is no controlling the WS,,,,, but you DO control YOU. THAT is where your focus should be. On YOU controlling YOU.

NO EXPECTATIONS of WS. NO controlling WS. Doing what you need to do for YOU and standing for your M.

Less focus on him,,, more on you!!

I thought I'd drop back in before bed.. looks like you're in the best of hands with Bugsy here.. I've got mad amounts of respect for one of my personal heroes here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It'd be easy to take this quote the wrong way, but getting to how God is working miraculously in growing us through suffering.. I came across this quote that I have in my motivationals.. for good reason:

"When it is all over you will not regret having suffered; rather you will regret having suffered so little, and suffered that little so badly." St. Sebastian Valfre

Keeps me going at least.. hope it gives you a hand up too.

Mimi would be very proud of you. LOL

Ok, I'll keep praying to keep the focus on me and doing what I need to do for ME.

It's all such a learning process. I thought I was DONE with school.

Nighty night....Sleep tight.

James,

I'm glad you checked back in. How are YOU?

I will be back in awhile. My kids want to finish our game.

B

Doing very well.. got an amazing Christmas present I wasn't expecting..

A hug and an ILY from a very special 8 year old.

I've been thanking God all nite..

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

G-d can be so good and generous. He is watching over us James, he really is. He knows we are suffering.

My newer rabbi got my analogy about Pharoah being the WH and me wanting Pharaoh to let me H go. My rabbi made the comment that she thought G-d was fighting as hard for me and I am fighting for m M.

She thinks that I can let my H go and be ok, she doesn't understand my stand for my M. But, she also knows that at one time in my life, I could not FACE G-d and now I can say the prayer - The soul you have given me, O G-d is a pure one.

Now I can face G-d and receive his blessings. That is something that this horrible situation has brought me. And for that I am grateful.

Guess what....

I asked WH for the camera back last not. He responded that the camera would be with him.

LOL

Normally he would just drop it off at our friends house.

So I am quickly getting dressed, going to look my best and go get the camera.

I really didn't want to drive down there, BUT I am not ONE to miss a chance of seeing him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I need to pray for a calm heart, clear head.

HEAD'S UP AND CHEST IS OUT.

B

Go Skins Go!!!

Please let us know how it went.

No Expectation!!!

I'm pulling for you.

Yep, NO EXPECTATIONS.

I am doing this because I want to. Not because of him.

He is the monster and enemy and I am trying to reach my H.

I get that he doesn't have a PLAN. That I am trying to accomplish things in my interractions with him. I KNOW that I AM DOING THINGS.