Great job. You are showing him what a caring wife you can be, and OW is sending him for firewood after a long day at work.

I don't know about you but I'd be marking this day on the calendar!!! Great job!!

Wow.. looks like you're doing good. I don't have much to add tonight.. unfortunately the last few days have left me pretty much emotionally spent.. but I did want you to know that I have been keeping tabs and think you're doing wonderfully.

OMG..my mouth is hanging wide open.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />



Honestly and truly..BELIEVE ME..You are the PLAN A QUEEN..I can almost hand you the baton to pass on to others...you might wanna change your thread name...MY GOD BLESSED PLAN A... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My recommendation is for you to make an appt. with STEVE HARLEY..ASAP..using some of the funds you have gotten..let STEVE coach you on how to proceed from here and let us support you with Steve's recommendations...

I'm not a professional with this..STEVE is..IMHO, I don't see any reason for doing PLAN B just yet.,as long as you don't feel like YOU are in danger of losing YOUR LOVE for HIM....he is responding GREATLY to your PLAN A...he is PUTTY in YOUR HANDS right now...let's see how far you can reel him in...

How is the apartment looking? All [censored] and span and homey and inviting? I think he needs to be invited in to see what HOME would look and feel like...

Hi there,

Nope, not in danger of losing my love for him. However, part of what keeps me going is that there will be an end. Some days I am so drained I don't have the energy, especially when WH is so incontrol and he does such cruel things. Or I get my hopes up that it's having an effect on him only to be shot completely down and reminded my H is NO LONGER there.

The LSA is the stickler in all this. My A feels that the longer I wait to get a financial agreement settled, the easier it will be for WH to NOT have to pay as much. I DON'T want that to HAPPEN.

I will call and make an appt. with Steve. And report back once I get it.

I don't think he is putty in my hands at ALL. He is highly unpredictable and can go dark his ownself, so I am extremely cautious. G-d is just being very gratious and giving to me to see just a chance of hope. But I have to be REALLY CAREFUL to not think anymore of it. I'll take the little victory today, but understand the WAR is still on so deeply.

The apt isn't totally done yet, but I am close. I am teetering between taking a chance and driving up to see if he is possibly playing soccer or staying home and cleaning the apt totally again. He said he would come over either Sunday or Monday, and actually it was weird, he looked straight at me and told me that. Last week he was evasive. What do you think, soccer or clean apt?


Actually she wasn't sending him out until his day off. And essentially she is making him choose between having a fun time with his children or responsibility. Remember, part of why he left was because he doesn't want responsibility. Real life is creeping in I can only hope.

I am so appreciative of all your good wishes. I'm just scared to see the positives. So, please see if for me and help me to keep moving forward in MY PLAN.

Yes, TMTS, I am marking this day down as a victory for G-d. Because he is the one guiding my strength and perserverance.

Steve or Jennifer would be great resources. I can tell you I got my money's worth and more from Jennifer.. as advanced in your Plan A as you are... I'm sure they can give you some tips to get down the stretch and set WH up for the KO..

You're probably right about this.




My vote is for cleaning the apt. He needs to be able to envision himself living there...."A SANCTUARY"...is what my H calls the HOME that I make for him...remember Proverbs 31.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good morning,

I agree with you. My vote is to clean the apt as well. I want everything perfect for when he does come over.

Besides I will get more opportunities to go visit him at his soccer game before Plan B, and really I don't know if he is there or not.

He knows I showed up last week and he knows I went on Christmas Eve and he wasn't there. The funny thing, I NEVER stopped him from doing anything he wanted, NEVER. I just didn't go.

She stops him from doing things, and I am not sure if she goes or not to those games.

I do know she controls him a LOT more than I ever did. And she has a biting tongue on her. He told me that. I wonder, I know, really doesn't matter, but I wonder if he tells her how often I have been calling, sending emails, ecards and coming to visit him? And the notes on the car, I wonder if he tells her anything?

So, Mimi, do you think he read the anniversary card?

Clean the place. If I'm stuck cleaning today, I would appreciate someone else cleaning too.

And, YES, talk to the Harleys. I never did - thought it was too expensive. LOL. I ended up losing a thousand times more money.

As for the OW - at first they completely lock up their taker. They do EVERYTHING for the WS, and cheerfully without complaint. But of course that gets old. They seem to be able to keep it up as long as they feel the wife is a threat. Then their taker comes out.

Ok, stuck I am here with you cleaning the place. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well remember, I went semi dark in October for a month. And for the most part I have stayed out of her way. It's only been since Mimi started directing me that I have been full blown in her face, but she may not know it either.

Her taker has come out, he just doesn't want to see it. He said the grass wasn't greener back in August when he was waffling between us both. He just lives this fantasy that their relationship CAN BE AMAZING with a HUGE AMOUNT of WORK, which he is willing to do with HER, but NOT ME.

Where the difference lies and I don't think I can even lie to myself about this one.... I am the real deal of love and caring for him unconditionally. He is really mostly a meal ticket and a rescue for her, but she is making out like a bandit. Doesn't need to work, is taking care of, said all the right things to. I imagine he is desparate to do whatever it takes to make her happy at this point. But even that has to get old, don't you think?

Ok, what room are you starting in?

I clean by the FlyLady plan. So I started out picking up 50 things that were out of place. With no stopping for anything, that took about 10 minutes.

Then dusted in the livingroom (10 minutes) and bedroom (10 minutes), vacuumed (10) and scrubbed kitchen sink. Then doused bath sinks, tubs and toilets with cleaner.

Now back to posting. Then floors to mop. Oh, and I forgot, bedding is in washer now.

I have unpacked 4 boxes. Put stuff in the dishwasher and started it. I am getting ready next to finish putting away the last boxes and then dust.

Oh I have lit candles around for atmosphere and smell. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You know, I just heard about that plan a few months ago. What is it about again?

sg,

The strength of you Plan A reminds me alot of Lostva. Have you read her story? There are only a few people I've ever seen over the years who had enough patience and compassion to do a really lengthy Plan A so well that it seemed like a good idea....but I think you may be one of them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> That was lovely.

Hi Star,

Thank you so much. I read her thread when this first happened. I actually took the idea of lighting a candle for my H everynight from her.

And I remember the three questions she asks herself everyday.

You know, I keep asking G-d for perserverance rather than patience. My sister told me that if I ask for patience he will give me situations that require it. I don't want patienct situations. LOL.

My strongest assest is my capacity to love people unconditionally. I can't imagine doing this any other way, except if it was a detriment to G-d bringing my H home. As frustrating and scary as this is, I really just have to take the blinders off and see how unhappy and sick the WH and OW are and they are desparately trying to hang onto each other in a hopes for finding that ultimate happiness.

I am SO NOT confident the WH will lose out over my H, but I am confident that what they are looking for can't be found between them. That can only come from G-d and the relationship you have with him. Or at least that is what I have come to know and understand.

I have to be honest with myself and KNOW that this is a LONG LONG WAR and that ONLY with G-d as my number one spirit in life will I make it through this.

That and staying close to here. With the friends I am making on here, I don't feel so alone in my life and feel like I am fighting a WAR that can't be one.

Actually I have only been working this solid Plan A since November. It's true out of sheer G-d intervention and coming to this website, did I work an OK Plan A. I didn't have the focus of what I was trying to accomplish and so was just desparate to have any contact with him. Now my interactions are ALWAYS purposeful.

I STILL have so much to learn and hope that my legal situation doesn't push me into Plan B to fast. Because to be honest, I want him to feel financially more than he is, if that's possible.

When I really think about it, all he has really lost is his kids. I am there feeding him every chance I get. He is struggling for money, but not nearly as much as my A says he could. And you know what I am going to do with that money?

Put it away for a cruise that my H and I are going on when this WHOLE mess is over with and he is safely home and we are recovering.

And thank you for your kindness. Somehow I still have it in my head, that unless he comes home, Plan A was a failure. Who cares to help me get my thinkin clear?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Here's my PERSONAL POWER post..in answer to your question regarding the benefits of YOUR PLAN A...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And one of your girls is working to get there just as hard as she can with G-d leading her in the direction.

You are the best. And this is going somewhere prominent where this becomes me in my own way with G-ds instruction and guidance.

I found my wedding day memory plate, the glasses that we used to always drink a toast for our anniversary and put a picture of us in my dining room. You can't help but see it when you walk in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, I'm doing good today. Got the place CLEAN, walked for a mile and finished the laundry. Now on to cleaning out the fishtank and then sorting through clothes. I have way too many, and can't seem to part with them.

LOL,

How is the weather down there. It's cold and rainy.

Well WH didn't show up. HIS LOSS. Our boys had an assist and goal together.

I hope he is enjoying getting firewood.

I had a blast and got great pictures.

I am still cleaning and getting things absolutely perfect. I am going to settle in with my boys tonight and just nest so to speak.

Weather here is cold (for us) - 50 something I think.

I have been cleaning all day. I really got into it for some reason. I think because I got an early start. I even did the windows inside and out, and all the curtains. Almost like spring cleaning. Lately I've done spring cleaning early, kind of like starting the New Year out right.

That's cool.

I went exercising before the boys game. My hips are absolutely killing me. I wonder why?

Is is sunny?

I think I miss the sun alot during the winter.

So Believer, can I bug you for reinforcement. Do you think that WH is even thinking that he missed his boy's game or do you think he is lost in the fog again?