I think you shouldn't worry about what hubby is thinking. Go on with your own life, making it a good one, and later he may join you.

The timing is about right for him to come back, and lots of folks make changes this time of the year. We will have to wait and see.

Wasn't he taking care of firewood today under the orders of General Crack?

Hold on until you hear from him again. who knows, things may not be rosie between him and OW.

Lets hope...and pray.

Listen to Believer..

Get back to work on your apt. and stop that stinkin thinkin..

Of course, your WH is still lost in the fog...

Didn't you read how it took my H FIVE years to fully come out...

FOCUS ON YOURSELF and not on HIM...

ONWARD...

YES MA'M.

And creating a warm home is what I am doing.

The topic at Alanon last night was taking care of ourselves. I am the LAST ONE to do that, I would so much RATHER FIX YOU. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Queenie

Hey girl.. Am just back from visiting with my family in Atlanta and catching up with my MB friends.

Whew...you've been busy!! I am so proud of you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I assume we have another 'Skins date tomorrow night?? LOL

Smartie

Actually it's a 1:15 date for me and 4:15 for you.

How are you? Wanna talk on the phone in a little while. I am almost done with part of the cleaning. LOL

I have hung pictures and gotten more stuff done. Going to bake come cookies in a little while as well.

I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. HOW ARE YOU?

I've certainly missed you too, although it was SOOO good to be home with my family.

Call anytime its good for you--I'll just be watching the Pats whup up on the Giants *yawn*

Smartie

Well it looks like WH is back in full strength. I left him a little note telling him how well our boys and he hasn't responded.

I seem to make progress with him during the week and then he gets time with her and it's gone. The drug is his life.

I'm tired from cleaning and need a little encouragement. Any scriptures thoughts on what you do to keep going?

I know it's told to me before and again, and I am shaking my head. I just miss him. And it hurts that he chose to get firewood instead of see a game where his boys will not be on the same team in this arena for 4 more years. Please tell me that one day he will wake up. Believer?

I know Mimi, stop the stinkin thinkin and just keep moving forward. The hard part and I will keep plugging along is I don't want to live life without him. It's empty.

I'm sorry, I really am trying. I am making dinner for the kids and then bake some cookies. I have the front room just about done and will start on by bedroom after the football game.

Your mistake is wanting something from him. Expect nothing, and keep expecting nothing.

you are RIGHT.

And its the expectation that gets me so tired of this all and want to just stop. But then G-d does something and I gather up my strength again.

What are you doing tonight?

The expectation that they will realize how you are changing or how much you love them is a real killer. I know it is hard when you are new to figure it out. But that is what finally made me quit wanting my ex.

They will disappoint you every time, and take a little piece of your heart.

But, when the affair ends, they come right back - or want to.

Plan A is sooo hard because it's ALL ABOUT GIVING with the EXPECTATION of NOTHING in RETURN.

You are right about the weekends.

He is BINGING off of her but of course knowing that makes you feel no better.

I fully remember those days..sleepless nights...

The answer was to STAY BUSY...

I betcha I had the cleanest house in town..

But FOR YOU, you will develop the HABIT of NESTING..making your home into a SANCTUARY...and it will become second nature FOR YOU...

So are you gonna call to make an appt. with Steve on Monday?

We have to work on that ARMOR..building up that WALL of protection of your SOUL.

Somehow I was able to convince myself that HE was NOT MY HUSBAND..and just like in MY NIGHTMARE..it was TRUE...
THAT MONSTER was NOT MY HUSBAND..

IT looked like him..talked like him...but HE was a MONSTER in my H's shell...

Even when he is NICE to you..Don't let the ALIEN WH MONSTER fool you...

Just tonight I was speaking to my H about an incident that happened to our son during his affair...he tried to play it off but his BLANK STARE made it clear that he was CLUELESS about many events that occurred during that period of time.. it was like he wasn't even there...WIERD..he does this a lot...like he was in a BLACKOUT during that time...WIERD...

You are so right, it just hurts so deeply. Oh well.

He is BINGING off of her. I actually just spent almost a half an hour talking to him online. Here we are having a great chat and all of a sudden he says - gotta go...and he is gone. It HURTS and it TIRES me out that I am such a low class thing to him.

He said he wished he could have been there. I asked him if he played soccer and he said yes and then turned around and went up to West Seattle for the free firewood. You know, that in a way upsets me. He could find time to play HIS game, and do what OW wanted, but not miss his game, get the firewood and come watch his kids. Is that normal WS stuff?

I will say he was very chatty for a long time. I was actually amazed at how long he talked to me. He seemed very friendly and open. We talked about football, the kids, my running, I asked for help. At one point I asked him if I could ask a health question. It was funny because we were talking about the Patriots and he mentioned something and as a joke I said, are you drugging or drinking again? He answered yes, but it was to another question I had asked. And I slyly put in YOU ARE?

Then he responded Are you nuts why would I go down that road again. I wasn't really asking him, but what do you think about that response. So many people think he is using again and I pretty much doubt it. It's funny that he just didn't say no.

All I can say is I was as sweet as possible, encouraging, sense of humor and asking as many questions as possible. He is such the SELFISH WH. I told him I was hurting from running and asked him what it could be. He actually took a few minutes to tell me to watch how I am running and that I could screw up my back or my heals. Not much concern, but did offer suggestions.

OH G-D I miss him and want to talk to him MORE. We were best friends and talked about so much together and that's GONE. It's like a part of me is just GONE and he is happy living off with someone else who has it MADE. Please remind me that it could be just phony and fake over on that side. I have NO IDEA what is going on. I just have to keep moving forward, somehow.

LOL, staying at home nesting is one of the hardest things I am learning to do. It's just not my nature to be at home. And it's worse because the main reason to be at home is with my H and I don't have that.

Oh, he didn't say anything about coming over and helping me with the car. I actually still have my bedroom to complete so I didn't want to say anything. Do you think I should ask him tomorrow after I get my room cleaned and the apt is done or wait for him to say something?

YES, I am calling on Monday to make an appt. What is the difference between Jennifer or Steve?

I'm sorry to be down tonight, I'm just lonely and MISS MY H.

This is something I do have to do. I gotta tell you, this just hit a deep core nerve with me. You see, I had a wall up protecting me from him for many years because he picked on me for so long. And FINALLY, I let that wall down and that's when he found HER.

It was like my whole body was completely EXPOSED and he just DESTROYED IT. I'm scare for a wall to go back up and I won't be able to let it down again.

And then you are right, my SOUL needs some protecting. So, what would you suggest? How can I start to protect myself. My mind understands what you are saying, but my HEART, well my HEART just LOVES him so unconditionally. Does that make sense?

Do you remember how you were able to convince yourself.

Is it true that the more contact that you have with him, the harder it is for you to ACCEPT this?

ACCEPTANCE is the KEY, Queenie.

He's gonna put her first. He's gonna lie to you. He's gonna let you down. HE IS SELFISH...it'a ALL ABOUT HIM..this is the NATURE OF A WS...



Yes. Go ahead and give yourself permission to GRIEVE this. THE PAST IS GONE FOREVER. This is not saying that you cannot have a NEW RELATIONSHIP with him. My H and I have a NEW RELATIONSHIP. Our OLD RELATIONSHIP died and is FOREVER GONE because that OLD RELATIONSHIP included another woman....and I have ACCEPTED that he stopped loving me and LOVED her...yes, he loved her...She FILLED HIS LOVE BANK and he CLOSED ME OUT..

In MBers terms, you are beginning to make deposits in his LOVE BANK and he can FALL IN LOVE with YOU AGAIN..but that has not happened yet....

Do you get what I am saying? ACCEPTANCE that the OLD relationship has died. You are working on establishing a NEW RELATIONSHIP...



And WHY is that? This is YOUR HOME that you are making for YOURSELF..for your own sanity and well-being...



I don't guess there's a difference. I had my coaching with Steve and liked him a lot.

The key is to FOCUS on your PERSONAL GROWTH...as you are already doing...YOU..YOU..YOU..in ALL AREAS...gaining YOUR STRENGTH...A MIGHTY FORTRESS which is YOU...don't look for filling from the OUTSIDE but from the INSIDE..

Even now, when I get down about something, it helps to remind ME..that I have ME...I become entirely SELF-FOCUSED...

I'm not saying to be SELFISH...I'm saying to work on making yourself BETTER..or HAPPIER..or more JOYFUL...

Try to think of what ACTIVITIES make you FEEL JOYFUL...DO THOSE THINGS...

I know ACCEPTANCE is the key. I'm really trying. I don't know why it's so hard.

Except....when you said.


I am just going to put this out there because it's the truth. Why would he FALL In LOVE WITH ME AGAIN. I'm not pretty and I am still fat. What would he possibly fall in love with?

Please don't get mad, it's just where I am, I have no self esteem or self worth and don't believe there is another man on this earth would could fall in love with me. I'm ashamed to say that, but it's true.

I guess it goes back to, how can I compete for his love when he is happy with her. Does that make sense? How would I even stand a chance? I don't like this man.

What am I not understanding here?