The affair turned my H into a monster. He had his faults, though. He still has issues but I ACCEPT HIM for who he is and don't want to change him into whom I want him to be.




So WHO IS IT THAT YOU LOVE? You can't change him into who you want him to be.



Basically, THE OLD PERSON comes back...comes back BROKEN..but it will be the OLD PERSON.

You are confusing me. Who is the man that you are so in love with? You don't LIKE HIM? You want to change him into someone else?

Hi Queenie,

I had a good analogy for you, but if you’re not familiar with the show my analogy will just confuse you.

You mention something about your H and responsibility or lack of. What do you mean?

Mimi's questions need to be considered carefully, because at one point you need to make sure that you're not putting yourself through this to save him from the mess he's in. It's not easy (I've asked myself the question as well) and you need to live with the consequence of your answer.

Please Queenie, you want to do what right for you, not what right for your WH.

Very good questions indeed.

Who am I so in love with. The man who was willing to keep trying on our marriage until we got it right. The man who is the father of my children and wanted to live a life together. The man who at one time had deep integrity and just wanted a wife and family to love and be with. The man who is sensitive and just willing to be open to trying another way.

I don't like some of the stuff he does. He can be extrememly frustrating to me. He complained about so much, and even for all the changes I have made because I wanted to, they aren't going to fix him, they couldn't possibly because the happiness he is looking for has to come from within himself.

I jwant to be completely honest with myself about who he is so that I am not looking to change him into someone he isn't thereby possibly repeating some of the mistakes that I made in the past.

I am NOT the same person I was before he left. I was looking for him to make me happy and it isn't his job. My relationship with G-d is the single most important spirit in my life. I don't need my H to fix me.

Above all else, I wasn't the woman that G-d envisioned me to be, I didn't do my best and I want another chance. Not to fix him, but simply because I love him for all his faults. I just want to understand what all those faults are so I can learn how to work with them and find a way to make a brand new marriage.

Does that make sense?

The sadness come from understanding that who is can be the very person that would NEVER allow himself to backdown and come home and try again. And that makes me sad because I dont' want to be right about this.

I don't want to fix him or change him, I just want to love him.

Is that more clear?

Hi Queenie, I feel for you, (((((Queenie)))))

When I first read this I was sure you were talking about WH. Maybe I'm getting a little confused. There's no way anything happens with WH, but if our H comes back, can you be happy?

You alright? I'm alone tonight so I'm not going anywhere.

He didn't like to pay bills, he didn't want to do yardwork. He likes to start things, but not finish them. He likes chaos and then walk away when he is done with the fun. He lives in a world where his very existence is the need to be right at all costs.

What is right for me, is to honor my M vows and completely understand that I accept my H for who he is and not try to change him.

I am truly struggling to find the words that I want to say. He is my friend, he is the complete picture of a life I want to build with him that has G-d as the central part guiding us. Am I saying this right?

Can someone help me put it into better words?

And I guess while I am being completely honest. I promised G-d to love him all the days of my life. What he has done hasn't given me the out to walk away it's just made me have to dig deep and find a way to keep honoring my vow to G-d. And I am ok with that.

Not a sense of duty, but because it's who I am and it's what I believe M is about. I got lost in the sickness of my dry drunk. My dry drunk wanted him to be different. Me, just wants another chance to love him and with G-d create a magical life together.

I'm in a very weird place, that's for sure. Reflective. Not feeling sorry for myself, but honestly looking at the reality.

If the man who is sensitive, caring, committed, funny, playful along with all his faults comes back. YES, I could be very happy.

Because I AM DIFFERENT. I wouldn't be looking for him to FIX me like I was. I have G-d for that. And because I have G-d, I can go to him to help guide me on how to LOVE my H as a Proverbs 31 would.

One quarter to go and the Skins are losing. BUT I have FAITH.....

Queenie, the next thing I want to ask is a tough one, so I want to make sure your up for it right now. If not I'll keep it in by back pocket until you are.

Let me know.

Touchdown Redskins... They have the lead.

Go ahead and ask.

Ok Queenie, forget my last post you answered my question.

You seem to be in a very philosophical mood tonight. That’s good. It's funny you describe where he came up short because those are two things I'm not very fond of doing (Not the bills themselves, but the budgeting). It sounds like these are things that you can live with, if worse come to worse get the whole yard paved over and build a tennis court. (That was a sad attempt at humour).

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am.
But I need to be and be as honest as I can be.

I am not fighting this hard to turn around and go back to my old ways.

We both understand that only you have control over this part, but what if the broken H comes back and because of withdrawal and/or depression, he has even less motivation and acts even less responsible. Do you still think you can help him through it and be happy? What if he doesn't snap out of that mode for a couple of years, does anything in your heart or mind change?

Hi Queenie-

Yes, there is a chance that your WH could come back and change, but only if he yields himself to God's work in his life. And that's a choice that your H will have to make on his own. But, that doesn't mean you can't pray for that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Not me alone. How it happens will be by G-d design and G-d alone. G-d will give me the direction to go and the skills to do what he needs me to.

What makes me happy will be knowing that G-d is working in me to continue to become the woman he always envisioned. I love my H, I made a vow to G-d and it will be G-d that gives me the strength to walk through whatever healing process I need to in my M.

I just don't know if I will get that chance.

Hi Queenie-

I only watched a few minutes of the game, but I was thinking of you. I think it's so cool that the Redskins still keep Sean Taylor's name on the roster as a starter. What a great way to honor his memory.


One thing is for sure, God is a God of second (and third and fourth) chances. Israel's history certainly shows this to be true. Your hope and faith are in good hands.

Queenie, we both know that the odd are that you will. (That doesn’t sound right coming from me, mr. hopeless)

So can we see the Warrior Queen for a minute, to give us a Head up, chest out?

They lost.....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hey, I know all about losing...

I'm a Bears fan... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

And a Cubs fan... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> (Anybody can have a bad century)

And a Bulls fan... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> (they're fighting against Sacramento tonight for the honor of the worst record in the NBA...How far the mighty have fallen)

I was a Black Hawks fan, but they have just been ridiculous... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Hey there,

Any chance of having conversation with you or getting some words of wisdom on what I can do at this point?

Ok, that would be hard. Then again, I have the Mariners.