Yes, very much. When my F left us, she when right into plan FU and made sure we were taken care of.



Not good, it felt like I was giving up. I know that it's part of the process and will need to be done (Unless G-d's plan is different), and it made me realize once more how much I love my W. On the good side I didn't sob or feel sad at all, it was like I was writing a brand new set of plays for the playoffs.



I should have known this one was coming and got ready for it...

1- I like my character
2- I like that I have a quick wit.
3- I like that I can relate to the teens in my life. (ODD and friends)
4- I like that I am laughing again.
5- I like that I like to cook.

How am I doing?

What about you... How was the fair? How are you feeling? Any drama from WH?

Hey there,

I understand what you are saying about your boys and the sense of responsibility and feelings that go along with this situation. I would love to hear more about how you handle things, so I can learn from you. You have so much wisdom and a peace that I loved being around.

Yes, let's get together very soon. I need to check the calendar and see when if there is anything planned. I really would love to do it soon. It would be good for the both of us to get out and have some fun. No holiday crowds either.

I will be thinking about you tommorrow.

Love you and sleep well if you get this before you go to sleep.

What did that look like. I am asking so I can make sure that I am taking care of my boys. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Are you getting advice on when you are to do Plan B? If you are to do Plan B. I obviously don't know much about that at all, but I know the one thing that resonates is your heart and mind need to be in sync. Do you know what that means for you? Also people say that it's at a point when you are in danger of losing all your love for your wife, so please ask many question on here for yourself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am starting to get a sense of being in sync, but I need to check with Steve on Tuesday first.

YES, how are you doing? LOL


The fair wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I networked with people, didn't eat any cake and just didn't put pressure on myself to perform and not feel. I prayed and just let G-d be there for me. I talked to my business associate alot about stuff so that was helpful.

I am needing to move forward on my 9th step. It's time for me to put the club down on my past behaviors to others and especially myself. This reluctance to keep moving forward because I am afraid it will leave my H behind is stopping G-d from continuing to work in my life and create me into what he wants me to be. I have no right to do that and need to stop it.

Drama from WH. I was talking to Smartiepants tonight. We were talking about what Mark has said about sane behavior. I realized that WH has completely left me and the marriage. Today he is completely done. He doesn't have the chutzpah to tell me to leave him alone, and yet he doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Lots to process with Steve and get my game plan together. Lots to surrender to G-d and the one thing I know.... I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to fight G-d. I want to be of maximum service to him and others and I need to grab the light that lives inside of me and let G-d bless it for the good it can do and be.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my H. I want him to come home. But in AA there is a saying that says G-d gives you what you need, not what you want. For whatever reason, G-d doesn't believe I need my H and I have to TRUST him, WALK in FAITH, and let G-d lead me to the good plan he has for me. It's the ONLY WAY for my M to be restored.

It's funny, in order to get back, I have to let go. And letting go is the thing that frightens me the most. I have NO CHOICE, but to TRUST G-D. I screwed it up myself, now it's time to give G-d the CHANCE to do what he WANTS and allow myself to BENEFIT from the blessings of my obedience to him.'

What hours do you work? Are you aloud to be on marriage builders during the day?

Queenie,

I'm concerned by your tone tonight. It's got a "I give" tone to it. Like you said your heart and mind need to be in sync. Are you sure you're there? Is this coming from the heart or the mind? I got a tear in my eye for you reading this, that's why I ask. You sound deflated and beat. Can I tell you anything to pick you up?

I'm going to need to learn a little about the 12 steps to be able to keep up with you. I have heard that it is helpful for all addictions, and I could probably learn something about my addiction to weed.

I work from 7:30 to 4:30ish. Getting on-line is not a problem, I'm the operations manager for the place and I'm also responsible for IT, people come to me for access.

I'm in a good space right now, but I worry about you. Please let me know you’re OK.

Well the best way to describe it is that she didn't take any [email]c@&p[/email] from him. Right from the time he left, I think it was about three weeks later, she went to see a lawyer and get an LSA set up. He didn't contest anything in it. So she made sure that the house was put in her name, she got child support and put us first. Everything she did was for us. At the end of the school year we moved to our home town in northern New Brunswick because we were able to get support for both sides of our family. So we lived with my Grandparents for one year then got an apartment. It wasn’t long after we got the apartment that my F came out of the fog, but there was no way my M was moving back until she felt sure. This process took about 9-10 months, where my m would come back to Toronto for the weekend or he would come and visit us about once a month. (When M came to Toronto, it was party time...) So M was working and I would take care of dinner for when M got home from work (This is when I discovered cooking with the help of my Grandmother, because we would go visit on the weekend or when we didn’t have school and she would teach me.



I am set up to talk to Jennifer next Thursday with the intention of talking about getting ready for Plan B. If I am right, she will be moving in Feb, so I would have done a full Plan A for about two and a half months. I can go longer on plan A, but I want so see what Jennifer says about it. I know that the principal is that you run Plan A until you feel that you will loose all love for the Ws, but I can't help but think that go with a very dark Plan b on moving day will have a larger impact.

So that's the scoop...

TMTS,

I really didn't sleep very well and I'm a little ticked off right now about something WH did. So first let me post that and see what anwers I get. Then I need to reread what you wrote and think about it before I respond.

I hope your morning goes good.

I got an email this morning from WH. He totally disregards my question to help me with frisbee, just wants to know if I got the fields for his practices and then proceeds to tell me WE got about 2 inches of snow last night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Back when this first happened he would say we and I would ask him to not talk to me about her as "we".

What is the best way to handle this? Should I overlook it, or remind him in a nice way I prefer him to just talk about himself, or what.

And how do I handle the fact that he ignores my request for help, but wants to know about himself. Which I get is totally WH behavior. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Thanks,

TMTS,

Thanks for the scoop. Sounds like you really have a wonderful M. What qualities do you most enjoy about her? What lessons did you learn?

I don't believe this is a " I give" tone as much as I need to move on tone.

While it's true I am really tired of all of this insanity, I still have lots of fight in me. I just am not sure where that fight needs to be channeled to. You know how in wars you need to regroup and map out your next move. I'm kinda doing that.

But above all else and truly before my M is my relationship with G-d. I CAN ABSOLUTELY NO LONGER live in my will. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to him. It's interesting, my weight has stopped coming off and my personal growth with regards to my AA stuff has stopped. G-ds will is for me to be healthy and become the woman he envisioned. I can't do that unless I keep working through the steps, making my amends and truly, truly putting G-d first.

But rule number one - my WH probably isn't coming home today, so I don't need to focus on him. I need to pray to G-d for focus on what I NEED to learn so I can continue losing weight, and becoming that Proverbs 31 person.

And I NEED to protect myself against this WW. He is toxic and hurtful and I am vulnerable to his craziness. I don't want that in my life and I don't think G-d wants that either.

So, my FAITH in my H still exists. I am fighting for my M, but I am keeping to my decision of letting go and leaving it to G-d. As many tell me, G-d loves my H more than me and is hurting over him.

He wants our M too, and is working hard over on that side to accomplish it. I HAVE to stay out of the way and listen for his guidance on when and how to act.

Make sense?

Mimi, is this correct or am I wrong?

I would just completely IGNORE him until after you talk to Steve tomorrow.

Good Morning Queenie,

When I saw you were on-line a 5:30, I guessed you had not slept very well. I as for me I slept well but only a couple of hours more due to needing to readjust to a work schedule than anything else.

The morning is going pretty good. No major issues while I was away so I don't need to spend time fixing anything. That's a good thing because our copier lease is up and I need to do some shopping, that and look into any issues with our new software.

The "we" thing... Are you sure you’re not over thinking this one? This would be the kind of statement I would make to anybody. But the context of the e-mail might lead you otherwise.

The frisbee question is tougher. Will there be any face to face time regarding the field for the lacrosse team? Maybe remind him then. This is one I would suggest you see what Mimi and others have to say.

Remember we are here for you to vent as well. If you're ticked off, let it out.

Please try to have a good morning, I'll be checking in all day so if you need a little pick me up, let me know.

Good morning Mrs. Mimi,

Oh my gosh, we are on the same page. That's what I thought too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I got that magical call that school is 2 hours late because of weather. I have to go in at the normal time, but that's ok. I think I will go do some praying, and then get ready to walk to work this morning.

Mimi did tell me to let it go until I talk to Steve tomorrow, so I will. I don't really know if it's just a slip of words or calculated. But on the one hand, that is not the point. I feel like I am setting a boundary here of, do not talk to me about "your" life with her, because to me it doesn't exist. It's yuckiness, disgusting...etc...

I'm glad work is going good. Do you like your job? Are they supportive about what is going on in your life?

I LOVE YOUR THINKING..sounds like you are in a GREAT PLACE for yourself..relatively speaking...

LET GO and LET GOD... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Before I answer this, I’d like to tell you something.
You have become like an IC for me. I say that because you ask questions that go outside the boundaries of the MB principals. You ask questions that require me to do some soul searching. Queenie, you have been as much a guide for me as the vets, but in a different way, and I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it.

Now my M.... She is the most wonderful woman I know. The qualities I like most about her is her love of life and people. She is always happy and ready to lend a hand. She is a take charge and get it done type of personality.
I learned that life goes on, no matter what. Her support during this time has reminded me of that. I learned that you will have bad days, but there will also be good ones, accept them as they come.

I like where I'm working, but don't particularly care for what I'm doing right now. I'm a tech geek and that's where my heart resides. I'm glad I still get to play around in it some by being in charge of IT, but the whole operations, warehouse, shipping, receiving thing that I could let go. I'm doing this right now because the person I replaced was let go because of conflict with his personnel. If I have two qualities that have always served me well is my ability to get along with anybody, and that I'm one of those people that are not a specialist in any one thing but can do just about anything well. So they asked me to take on this role for a couple of years and see if it's something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. Now that I’ve stopped lying to myself about what I want in life, I know that this will not be permanent. The company has been supportive, especially me former boss who is sort of a mentor to me. Our HR manager has been very supportive as well.

I can almost feel the glow inside of you right now. This could be a milestone in your path to growth. I'm so happy for you.

Hmm.. I want to be very careful how I answer this. I am NO counselor. Please know that I also accept the compliment and in a way I am glad that I can do that for you. However, we need to make sure with the vets that if in fact I am doing something like that, it isn't wrong.

So, could someone please let me know if it is or is not ok to ask questions that one considers outside the boundaries of MB principles. I would never want to cross that line.

For today, the glow lives and grows. I just need to stay in today and let tomorrow be in tomorrow.

You, I and so many others have our own personal recoverys to work on. Part of my recovery is getting my weight down to a level that I can be proud of. It's been two months since I have lost anything of real significance. It's interesting how it's corralated with being in Plan A. Don't get me wrong, I am fighting and standing for my M. BUT I have to remember what Mimi and others so often tell us.

If Plan A is about US becoming the best person we can be and truly focusing on ourselves, then I need to keep healing my body from all the years of mental, spiritual and physical abuse that I gave it. Since killing myself is no longer and option ( I love you Mimi), I have to completely surrender to G-d and let him create me into his vision of me. This is where my prayer took me today. So today is where I am in it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The important thing is to not do anything that YOU consider to be WRONG and know that TMTS can take care of himself...

CONFIDENCE..SELF-CONFIDENCE...



Yep..one day at at time...



You and I are on the SAME JOURNEY..I'm just a ways ahead of you is all...

I'm about to go out on for my DAILY exercise... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />..

Ok, TBH, I do take the weekends off...

Hi Queenie, Sorry for implying that you are, but I think you got the point. I see the difference between some of the question you ask versus the regular MB principal questions is that these questions require that I reflect upon myself and be comfortable with the answers for my own self worth. I see these as a soft 2x4, which is good because you had noticed yourself that I need to work this aspect of myself. Please do not feel like I want you to psychoanalyze what I am going through, just know that I appreciate your input as it is very helpful. I would be surprised that any of the vets would have anything negative to say about the questions you ask, as they are genuine and caring ,but I could be wrong.

Now I need to get my list ready don't I... LOL (It's getting harder to find things now, when is it ok to have repeats?)

Hope your having a good day.

Mimi is right on the mark here, I'm a big boy.
She was able to say it in one sentence though. LOL

I'll keep the questions coming as they come up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She is good isn't she and says things way more simple and to the point.

The list is for YOU.. You can repeat it as often as you need to until you completely believe them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What miracles we are becoming each and every day then.

G-d must be smiling and knowing he is doing good.

Good, I was really getting nowhere with finding anything new today. I need to go back and write them down and review them.

Thanks

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have to tell you how much I LOVE 2 hour delays. We don't have to make up the time and it's quiet for the morning.

I really wonder what it would be like to work in a "normal" environment with no interruptions. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

How is your day going?