He KNOWS your heart. He KNOWS your need. He KNOWS your pain. You've asked Him for help, but have you really let go of your WH? Part of that IS imagining your life without him and KNOWING in your KNOWER that G-d has only the best in store for you-- regardless of whether WH returns. You can't make it a condition... Okay G-d, I KNOW you've answered my prayer if WH comes home.

What is it you've been praying for? To be the woman of G-d that G-d intended? How do you know what that looks like?

He's asking you to TRUST Him in ALL things.

Don't get so hung up on whether or not we should 'ask for help'.

Certainly if we feel like we need help, God -wants- us to come to Him to receive it.

I think the point Mark was trying to make is that we often say we are giving our problems to God, but yet we hang on so tightly to them, that we get in the way and never -really- let God have the problem to work on.. we're our own hurdle. Our -need- to control or feel like we have control in a situation prevents us from turning over that control, or the illusion of control to God.

Honestly, in our situations I believe it is the -true- realization that we truly are powerless to overtake our waywards and -make- them do the right thing. God wants us to live in the blessings of what He gives us today, and to be thankful for them. Tomorrow will come tomorrow, we should live in, and be thankful for what we have today.

I think this weekend was movement towards that. For the first time I spoke to my sponsor that I can feel a little spark that I can imagine my life without him and I would be ok. I just need to exercise this muscle somehow.

I won't lie, I don't want to do this. But I can begin to see my life without him. And you are right, I need to just simply trust. But I'm scared, PM. I so scared.

I have been praying for him to soften my WH heart and bring him home, praying to become the woman he has envisioned me to be.

I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what that looks like. And that's what scares me. There is even a part of me that knows that the longer time moves forward and I leaving my H behind, I will be fine and life goes on and I won't want him back one day. And that is a huge part of fear, that I really will become everything G-d wants for me and it won't include him.

Does that make sense?

And if I am truly honest, there is no way I can not be grateful for all the blessings he has given me from my relationship with him, to my children, to my health spiritually and mentally and physically, to my relationships on here with all of you.

My life personally is so much better off than it was before all this. There is NO WAY I can deny that.

thanks Jamesus. I have gained so much more but the one thing I have lost hurts to the core. I guess if I could just know for sure that this was the plan all along and there was NOTHING I did or could have done to stop this. His plan for me all along was to experience this and live life. Or it's because I just blew it and these are the consequences. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((((((((((Queenie)))))))))))

We'll help you through this. I can't image right now what your going through. Keep in mind that he may be lost, but we are not and we DO care about you!

Check you e-mail when you get a chance.

And I am so grateful to G-d for bringing me to this place and having you become a part of my life. Forever in my life. You are the blessing in this. And learning from you is the blessings.

Thank you for being here.




I'll go check it now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I figured that's what Steve might say 'cause of your WH's responses to your requests to meet.

It's not OK for you to have to beg him.

FAITH, Queenie..that's what you need to read up on and rely on...not only that..FAITH AND TRUST...

Know that GOD is with you and that you can lean on HIM...HE is there to take care of YOU.

This is your WH's LOSS..not YOURS...

And if he is meant to come back, he will..

And if he does not , he has LOSS a PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS GEM...that we have all grown to LOVE...

Well.. if we're not dwelling on the past, and we're not preoccupied with the future. If we're living TODAY as God tells us to. What does any of the above matter? You are in the situation that you are in. You are walking closer with God than you ever have before. Are YOU where God wants YOU to be? If not, your plan A is to get as close to there as you can.. not worry about someone elses decisions and baggage.

In summary: If you're where God wants YOU to be, then it was the plan all along. If you're not, -your- plan ought to be to get there.


I'm sure God did not devise a scheme to get your husband to run around on you. God doesn't make those decisions for people. God can influence people, but ultimately it is -their- decision whether or not they do what God tells them to. It's their decision to face the consequences of disobedience to God. We do not know what God's plan is for our lives, and we won't know until it is revealed to us in the daily living of it.

I am concerned though that while making personal changes that you feel are important for -you- to make you who you believe God wants you to be, or even who -you- want you to be.. I think you're blaming yourself entirely too much for your circumstances. Sure, you're partly responsible for the state of the marriage before he went outside of it, but the choice to have an affair is 0% yours and 100% his. He had -MANY- options to resolve the problems in the marriage. This choice resolves none of the problems, and creates myriad more issues. But yet it's the choice HE MADE.

Did he give you a vote? Did he POJA his affair with you? I doubt it.. so stop blaming yourself for the 1 problem that is destroying your marriage. Everything else you can work on when/if he gets his head out of it's rectal hiding place.

Perhaps this will help you. I spoke to my priest and he helped me quite a bit. He gave me 2 prayers, the first is called the hedge prayer and it was posted under the 'just found out 'thread , (I believe the first post about useful posts.) The second was a prayer under St. Faustina, this prayer was to help me have faith in Jesus, to trust him in all of this and truly ask for mercy. Here's a link to at least get you some info.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divine_mercy

Thank you for this lino... I'm keeping this with the Hedge prayer you posted.

SG,

God cares for each one of us individually. He cares about you, but He also cares about your WH. He does not want to see him ruin his life, your life and the lives of your children. Know that and know that God does want your H to return to you.

But also know that God does not "force" His will upon us. If He did, loving Him would be simply a line of code in a program and would have no meaning. He wants us to want to follow Him and love Him.

When Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery, it resulted in all of Israel becoming slaves as well. They intended it for evil and for generations, it resulted in evil.

But it also resulted in Moses leading the captives to freedom and Joshua leading them into the land promised to Abraham. It also resulted in the law, the prophets, the writings and poetry...It resulted in miracles on Mt Carmel and the restoration of life to the widow's son. It resulted in David becoming king and also in his sinning with Bathsheba, but in the restoration of his relationship with God as well.

In the New Testament we are told that God works all things for the good of those that love him. And this is just more of what he tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 and Joshua chapter 1..."As I was with Moses, so I will be with you...Be strong and courageous...do not be afraid...."

The God of all the universe, He who made the stars and put them into place is concerned with you and me and wants what is best for us. He wants us to be happy, but He wants us to be right with Him above all else, because ultimately, what happens in eternity is more important than what happens in the blink of an eye that is our life.

So faith becomes knowing that God will not allow anything to happen that ultimately is not in our best interest; even when that is not what we want.

Prayer is as much about changing what he ask for as it is about trying to get God to give us what we want. And yet we are told to keep asking until we get what we seek. Just as Jacob refused to let go until he was blessed by God, we need to ask until we receive...

But until God answers us, whether that answer is "yes," "no," or "wait," we must go forward as if He is taking care of it, for we can know that He is.

In the NT, Paul is afflicted with an unknown to us malady or problem in his life. He asked specifically that God remove it from his life several times and ultimately God's answer was..."My grace is sufficient for you."

The point I am making is that if God wants what is best for us and He is ultimately in charge and He is actively taking not only an interest in our lives but directing us as well, then how can we not just be in awe and let Him do His thing?

And what He is always willing to give us when we are in need or in distress is His comfort. But the word comfort itself comes from two words. The first means "with" or "from a place or position of" and the second is the word from which we get the words fort, fortress, fortification and the musical term "forte." And the word "forte" means "power" or "strength." So God's comfort is Him giving us His strength to overcome our fears, failures and foibles so that we do not have to rely on our own strength to get through, since before Him, we all are helpless and lowly.

Hope the topic hasn't passed me by as this has taken me about an hour or more to write due to being at work.

Mark

We actually didn't even talk about that. It was purely going on the fact that he has completely compartmentalized his life and stopped being a father and husband completely.

I know. And I will. I'll pray for strength in this.

We need lots of work to do in this area. Because I don't believe this. I feel like I am the BOG LOSER. I will work on this.

I will work on this as well. This needs to become my focus. Believing that I am a precious gem.

Thank you Lino, I will check that out.

I hope you all know how special you all are to me.

Mark.. that was -amazing-

Thank you so much for putting as concisely as possible many of the things I've had jumbling around my head for a long while now.

You truly are one of God's helpers to us.

I actually KNOW this. Because I know how my life has changed for the better and who I am becoming.

When I am completely honest with all the has gone on, personally I am a much better person. I am physically, for the most part - mentally, and spiritually better. I no longer live in chaos or anger. The craziness is gone.

In awe I am.

The other piece of this is, right now the WH is a sick person who was destroying my spirit - and had been for many years. I certainly was involved in this process and became someone else to survive, and without a doubt based on this notion, that's why my H no longer is in my life.

I just believed that LOVE would conquer all and it was my job to be his wife, no matter what. I have learned so much, that it wasn't my job to make him happy, but all I EVER WANTED was to love him and thought that was making him happy. It wasn't. I'm not completely clear of the difference but there is.

Basically my not having FAITH and TRUST in what is going on, I am telling G-d I know better.

I AM NOT WILLING TO GO THERE. Because being in my will has almost killed me.

It's just hard.

Yep..I agree with Mark 1000%..I wholeheartedly share his viewpoints and beliefs..and that's what carried me through..and carries me through to this day with the struggles that I continue to face in life..

Ok Mimi,

Can you please help me focus a little. I am still in Plan A until the LSA and then Plan B.

Help me understand what I need to keep moving forward. I understand there is nothing that I can do for my WH, but Plan A is about me and I need to finish this my way, right?

Not much time this afternoon. Getting some stuff out for my H...No Plan A ideas from Steve?

Okie dokie, when you have time any suggestions would be awesome. Thanks and have a great day.

Not really on any suggestions.

He was more into getting me into Plan B asap.

He told me I was doing a very good one especially because these really are changes inside of me.

I just feel like I WANT to keep doing what I can up until I am done. Does that make sense.

When you knew that you needed to go into Plan B, did you feel deflated? I feel like I have lost the battle of my life and I really never had shot, and I feel cheated. Does that make sense?

What could I do to keep processing what I am feeling?

Hi Queenie, I wish there was some way to erase the pain your feeling. I completely understand where you are coming from with this. (Mark would probably say this is my mantra)
The battle may be close to an end, but the war still rages. And so long as your heart still has that fire the war continues.

I know this doesn't help but know that we are here for you to lean on.

Be good to yourself.
I'll be back on in a little while, going home now.