Seldom does it get over 50 miles an hour, and that's only durring thunderstorm season, so it usually doesn't last long.

How is your day going? You seem to be in much better sprits today.

I am in better spirits.

I have to work VERY HARD at not letting my stinkin thinkin take over. This will be the DEATH of me if I am NOT careful.

I just need to be still. I am going to visit him tomorrow probably and bring him a gift. He hasn't responded to the phone call I left him regarding the field usage. I am not going to call him again on that subject.

He emailed my YS after about a month, YS emailed him back.

But he pretty much has just abandoned us. I need to get my papers to the lawyer and get into Plan B. My recovery is going to depend on it I think.

I would like to go somewhere alone with him or have him come to my place, but that hasn't happened and I am not going to force it.

I haven't had a chance to check your thread, what is happening with you?

I'm alright, did a little venting about my WWs fog babble incident last night. As you'll see in the titla change, she's talking a good game but has yet to kick the ball.

LOL

And it's actually a pretty quiet day at work. I was going to go to an AA meeting, but my friend called and asked me to go to a convention planning meeting. I was to be the chairperson of this, something I worked my whole volunteer career for this position and when all this blew up, I gave it up. I haven't been to a meeting since. My friend needs a ride so I am going.

But first I have a grad nite meeting with the chair person to calm her down from freaking out on things and then I hope to have time to go cook dinner for my boys.

I have to admit, as strong as I feel, I'm a little disconnected right now, so Mimi, I am shaking my head.

What qualities do you like about yourself today?

Ah..my Queenie..You are doing so GREAT!!

Yes..a Goodbye Visit...PLAN exactly what you are gonna say to him...

Something like..."Since you don't want me NOW, I'm letting you go... I'll leave you in God's hands and keep you in my prayers, etc."

How about a special goodbye package with TOKENS of SPECIAL MEMORIES... a picture of him and you with the kids as babies, for example....

I have MISSED you Mrs. Mimi,

How are you doing?

I should also probably start working on my PBL? Can I take what others wrote and conform it to what I want to say. The intermediary person, should this person be someone who is neutral to what is going on or want to kill him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hadn't thought about the goodbye package, but that is a great idea. I have the perfect picture of him and me on our cruise, which I set up on top of the Torah and our wedding rings together. I might even finish that pretty applique quilt I was working on for our anniversary last year and never completed. What do you think?

Good idea on the family pictures. I'll have to put some thought into this. I probably have a couple of weeks left for Plan Aing.

So, can we take a little look at what I haven't accomplished yet and try and get those EN's take care of.

Thank you for the compliment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am learning to accept those.

Right now the only thing I like about myself is that I'm still breathing. I read this post where the BH got an emial from his WW, and it could have been writen by my WW word for word. That just brought me down. (I know, insert 2x4, stop the hopless despair routine). My head can take that but my heart feels like it's tearing a little more.

I just want her to love me again...

Remember, who she IS isn't your spouse. THIS WW is YUCKY, GROSS, SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED AND SICK.

I don't think you want her to love you. You want your W to love you and she doesn't exist right now.

I am not going to hit you with a 2 x 4 because I completely understand this. What I can do is offer what I do when this happens or what I have find.

1. Give her to G-d.
2. Post to someone for a good scripture passage - those always make me feel better.
3. Realize that you CAN'T CONTROL WHO OR WHAT SHE DOES. I certainly would if I could, but we can't.
4. Keep working on yourself because you are the only one you can control.
5. Remember you are not alone.
6. You don't know what G-d is doing inside of her or on her side of the street.
7. Ask G-d what to direct you to what HE wants you to do, since you are becoming the very best that he wants you to be.
8. Remember she is SICK
9. Nothing is hopeless if you LET G-d do what he DOES which is work in THEIR LIFE. He is hurting more than us for the way they are living.
10. G-d loves you more than they ever could and wants you to be happy, joyous and free.

And PRAY.....Pray......

I told a friend of mine last night, get yourself a box (call it your G-d box). Everytime you feel this or some similar emotion, put her name down on it and put it in the box. They you are physically giving her to G-d.

Remember what Mark said about once you give her away you don't have to keep asking, because he knows what is in your heart. And he is working as hard as he can but in his time.

Also ask G-d what he is wanting you to learn when you get to this point. And then be still......

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I repeat, what qualities do you like about yourself today? G-d would like to hear about them and smile because he gave them to you.

{{{{{{{{{TMTS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi Skins,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I'm doing great. Trying to keep busy. I've tried to keep up with your thread, and it sounds like Plan B is not far off for you.

WH won't sign LSA??? Mine won't. Doesn't want to be M but won't sign to not be either <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Doesn't make sense.

I've decided to designate each month with some sort of theme. January is my "entertainment" month. So..last night I had 3 people over for dinner. Two were actually WH's distant cousins. They have stood by me and think he's a schmuck. We had a nice time. Planning another for the week after next for the all of the other friends and customers of my business who were so supportive of me through this.

Haven't decided what theme I will give February yet (thinking about "travel"). If you'd like to join me in my Theme-o-rama, perhaps we could both take our minds off of Plan B!!!! We could designate a quilt month since we both quilt. I've been wanting to do one of those "quillows" so maybe this is a good time....

Let me know how you're doing.

I LOVE THAT THEME IDEA!!

How about a GODDESS MONTH???

You guys can search for SUNGLASSES or DIFFERENT LIPSTICK COLORS...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

GODDESS ANTHEMS..to play in your car...

SHOES of the week..

OK..I"m getting carried away...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Queenie

Just checkin' in with my regulars. Hope you are doing well. Can't wait to talk to you about your session with Steve this weekend.

Love you lots Your Highness! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Smartie

Keep going Mimi....I'm getting into this now! I'm lovin' the idea of Goddess month. Hair, make-up, shopping, new clothes, pampering, more shopping, nice dinners out, and did I mention shopping?

Hi Queenie,

Thanks for your kind words, between that a good 2x4 thumping by bigKahunna I've snapped out of it.

1- I like that when I get down on myself I can snap out of it pretty quickly.
2- I like that I've put my faith back in G-d's hands.
3- I like that I can better control my reactions and get any negative thoughts out here.
4- I like that I can still love my W even after all the pain.
5- I like that I'm still here for those I love.

Pedicures...FUN COLORS...How about PURPLE?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Queenie!

Just checking in. I've been trying to keep up at work when I get a chance, but it's two weeks until the end of a semester and I started another class at Western tonight.

I love the idea of the God box. Great idea!

Just wanted you to know I am around-even if I don't get much time to post.

You are in my prayers constantly-

Hi Chai,

No, I don't imagine Plan B is too far off.


WH has no clue about LSA yet. Haven't figured out how I am going to enlighten him.

I'm in on the Theme-O-Rama month. I like the quilt idea. I LOVE the GODDESS month - Mimi you are the BEST. What about pamering or spa month. What about a book club month.

Hey Smartie, I miss you and got your message, but it was too late. I will talk to you on Saturday.

Hey TMTS, I'm glad BK got to you and I see your qualities. They are awesome and G-d given.

Hi JT, I got your phone message tonight. I really appreciate the calls and look forward to talking to you over the weekend.

What about getting together MLK weekend one day?

I have that sisterhood function this weekend. I went to a committee mtg tonight. It was very strange to be around those women after all this time. I felt so uncomfortable and out of place. I'm sure it's not them, but my stuff. Anyways, there are two workshops that I was toying with facilitating. One was Single AGain - OY VEY and the other one - Women of Reform Judaism passed a vote of support on handling addictions from punitive to treatment.

What do you all think? No One really understands what someone goes through until they have walked it, and yet I wonder if we all take it that hard or it's just those of us stricken with the Affair issue. Looking for input on this one.

Mimi - I LOVE PURPLE......

Ok, so he finally contacted me by email. Not a phone call and I actually don't believe he would have by email if he didn't finally want that camera back. Email says,

BS, How about 10:00 on Sundays. I need my camera for the weekend. How can we make that happen?

WS

So - can you help me figure out how I can make that happen? I wish I could understand what was so important to him about that being "his" camera, never about how the kids are or anything of substance.

I woke up this morning in a weaker frame of mind. I really worked on prayer and thought I had worked through it. It's amazing how I react so weird when he contacts me. It also astounds me, though I have no clue why after all this time, how he is just so selfish and non caring about anyone but himself or what he wants.

Although, he did use my full name written out like I asked him to. That surprised me. I wonder why? He doesn't ever do what I ask him to anymore.

Any thoughts?