Drive carefully....

Thanks, TMTS.......

Hi Queenie,

How are you doing? Are you feeling a little better?

Honestly,

I am simply exhausted and drained. Been a very emotional day.

I have to go to my 2nd job tonight and I have been up since 4am. I also woke up every hour on the hour so I wouldn't miss the appt. so that is adding to my exhaustion.

I need time to process everything that happened with Steve from the call. I have to take responsibility and realized I didn't utilize the time as well as I could have and want to examine what pieces might be missing for me.

Then I need to read again what Mark said and pray to G-d for guidance.

How was your day?

Ok.. as promised, my current devotional bookmarks:


Psalm 142

Malachi 2:10-17

Sirach 26: 1-3, 15-18, 19-24

1 Corinthians 5:4

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 7:1-4

Ephesians 5

Last but hardly least, the entire book of Hosea.

That's what's in -my- devotional for the week.. I'll keep updating if folks would like me to. I can even take it to my own thread if SG doesn't want me to threadjack.. I just promised TMTS I'd have something up here for him.

OH.. and I forgot one..

It was the verse in my Christmas card from FIL that WW must have seen that really irked her:

Psalm 85:8

As soon as I get home from 2nd job, I will read. Thank you.

What time do you work at? I guess there's no time for a nap with the kids around?

As for me I'm doing ok, except for a couple of friends that I'm worried about... Lala sounds better, but the other one is hurting pretty bad right now. I wish there was more I cold do to help, but for now I'll work on the prayers suggested below.

(The Lowes thing fell apart... there closed at 6... Idiot)

We're here for you Queenie..... (((((Queenie)))))

P.S. you got mail.

Hang in there. It usually takes Plan B to bring them back home, so don't worry.

I couldn't sleep last night either. That hasn't happened in a long time. But it is from excitement. My mom is coming to visit next week and there is LOTS to do.

OOps wrong thread...sorry.

I could have sworn I already typed this out and posted it, but it's nowhere to be found. I even did a search on my own user name and can't find it, so I guess I'll post it again and if it turns up twice, well then I'm just a moron and you can ignore me.

SG,

This from Pat Gibbs, wife of Joe Gibbs. She had cancer that had to have an operation to remove it that left her face partially paralyzed.

"I belong to God. And I believe he allows things to come into our lives for a reason. Just because I don't know the reason doesn't mean that there isn't one."

Mark

Skinsgal & TMTS & Not2Fun.... read the first message in the thread "betrayed spouses... be still" by ARK!! It's great!!! So wish I had read it half an hour ago, oh well.

Regular job is 7:40 - 4:10. Then I drive 45 - 1 hour for second job and put in about 3 hours. That's the boss that gives me the awesome bonuses.

Sometimes walking through our journey will one day be all the help someone needs because we will have gained insight, experience and battle scars.

Nope, no self pitying talk. It's just information that you didn't know to look for and now you do. So where else can you think to go to accomplish the same goal. I just spent 2 hours on the phone with my old sponsor. She is brutal on me. She cares more about my life than my feelings. Anyways, she really drove home hard the notion of self-pitying and selfishness. She reminded me that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should be in spite of whether I like it or not.

What unfolded with me today is a few items. Maybe others can relate. I somehow have adopted the mindset that one mistake, one perfect thing in Plan A will make or break the situation. That's a lie. It's the ripple effect of my truly becoming who G-d intended for me. Mimi drives this home to me all the time. Plan A is about me, about the changes I always wanted to make to become the best person I can be. I have to keep repeating to myself, how it affects or doesn't effect WH isn't my deal. My deal is to serve G-d.

As my sponsor was talking and she was driving home the self pitying stuff it dawned on me that I still hold onto that victim crap of being the one who blew this marriage all by myself. I didn't. I made huge mistakes and take responsibility for them. It's time I put down the club because the club is just another way of feeling sorry for myself and that's deadly to an alcoholic. That's what will keep me in my disease and the insanity of what my mind can create. So I need to accept my humaness and give myself a break that I am not that person anymore and in my new relationship with whomever I wouldn't do those same things.

You are right of course, not to mention it was just my self-pitying. This was really just one more battle that I needed to work through, regroup. It's not as if I didn't know things looked bleak and I was heading into Plan B. I mean really, even I can't lie to myself for that long.

What is your mom like, are you very close? What are you doing with her?

If you EVER have any DOUBT how to reach me with a POINT, put Joe Gibbs name near it. I am NOT kidding when I say I strive in my life to become the person he is. Amazing strength, faith, walk with G-d, family commitment, values, morals, and is forever a Redskin. Even I can't lie to myself on this one - I have these qualities too, maybe not as deep or as strong, but that's today. Who knows what tomorrow brings.

Thanks Serenity, I actually read it last night. Totally where I need to be for G-d and that shall be what Plan B allows me to be.

For all my special friends, in talking with my sponsor it really became OBVIOUS when I am acting weak, doubting I can do this or that, I am in my disease and need to be slapped out of it. First and foremost, I am an addict/alcoholic and I am not allowed the luxury of self pitying or selfishness because they are show stoppers to me becoming happy, joyous and free. So, may I please ask that when you notice that "sick" behavior, please care more about my life than my feelings and let me have it. It's also not very becoming to G-d. He has more FAITH in me that being a victim of what he needs me to walk through and learn.

Hey Serenity, you have read it now and look how it has stuck with you, so GOOD job.

So did you get my point? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Like a 2 x 4. thank you.

Hey TMTS,

Once I was able to come out of my self-pitying fog, I realized that you had sent me an email to home. First, I want to thank you for that. A while back, Jamesus and I were emailing back and forth to each other. Mimi and someone else put it out there that they didn't think it was a good idea. At the time I didn't really understand it, but you know, I think I get it. You, I and everyone else on here as so vulnerable and hurting and it's natural to want to reach out and help each other.

But the reason we are here is because our spouses betrayed us, and I think for the most part they didn't start out that way it just got to that point with small decisions along the way. Where I know that you and I and anyone else would not want to hurt each other, emailing back and forth probably allows for an opportunity that just should not be an option. I don't know if I am saying this right. Anyways, I really want you to know I appreciate you emailing, but probably for our safety, and integrity we need to keep to this forum of talking to each other.

Mimi did I explain that ok?

Queenie

Good Morning Queenie,

I think you explained it beautifully. You are right, and to that point we are probably more venerable than what our WWs were at the time. So to decide right now that we will not communicate in that way is not only right but necessary. Like Dr. H says we are all wired in such a way that it can happen to anybody. Good thing we are here because we would not have known this. Thanks for the reminder. Too bad our WSs didn’t know about MB a couple of years ago.

How are you doing today? You got more sleep I hope?

I am WAY better today. I was totally exhausted and drained, not a good thing for an alcoholic for sure.

My old sponsor spent about 2 hours with me last night on the phone and served me up multiple 2 x 4s about my disease as an alcoholic/addict. I HAVE to begin to truly grasp when my disease is working and stop it.

How are you doing? Did you read what I wrote about Lowes... Thank you for understanding about the emailing. Actually it's not about our WS's knowing about MB earlier. It's about us knowing about it, because we had a part in the disintegration of our M, and we can't control them, we can only control ourselves.

Our M might have ended up in the same place, won't really ever know that, but we would have had skills to change how we were handling things. See the difference?

You're getting pretty good at this. Yes I understand what you're saying.

The Lowes thing wasn’t really a bad thing. She wasn't feeling really well so it gave me a chance to take care of her, and now we set it up that we're going on Saturday instead. So now we'll have much more time to spend there together. All is good on that front.

Have a look at my thread when you get a chance, she gave me a fog babble that just set me off inside, but I handled it nice and cool.

I'm a little tired myself today, haven't slept well in the last 2-3 days. Last night I was sleeping just fine until a wind storm stated up and just about shook the house apart. Then I couln'd get back to sleep. So I'm on heavy doses of coffee today.

Thank you. Taking compliments is a new thing I have to LEARN to do and ACCEPT.

As soon as my boss stops asking me to do work, I will. What's up with that, wanting me to do my job. Some people. LOL

It's funny how our sleeping patterns change. I am very grateful for the exhaustive state last night. I actually don't think I woke up once. YAHOO

Do you get wind storms alot? We do.

They are not common at this time of year.

How hard does it usually blow.

When I was talking to my friend last night she told me that CA had gotten hurrican force winds.

The worst I have been through recently is 86 mile an hour winds. That toppled some huge trees down.