I'm lonely today - where is everyone?

Here are some really cool words of wisdom from the mass readings that Jamesus sent me to.

Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul, except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry.
-- St. Francis de Sales

The affairs of God are accomplished little by little and almost imperceptibly. The Spirit of God is neither violent nor hasty. He does all things in His time.
-- St. Vincent de Paul

You don't love in your enemies what they are, but what you would have them become by your prayers.
-- St. Augustine

I miss you guys...I'm restless and want to play. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Skins,
Hang in there. I really think that your Plan B will be good for you and give you some peace. I think you're long overdue.

Can't stay on too long right now, but let's designate February as Goddess month. I think we both need a little pampering. We'll do one thing special for ourselves every week. I'll come up with a schedule and let you know what it is. I'll finish out my entertainment month and start working on it.

WE both need to concentrate on US and NOT WH's.

Hi Queenie-

Only got a minute so I just wanted to stop by and say hi.

*hi* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am so GAME for this. I can't wait to see the schedule.

I think you are right. I have kinda been in a Plan A since D-day and I am truly tired and drained. Have a great day and thank you.

Hi JT,

I imagine you are hard at work and having a great day?

I miss you. Did you get my note about MLK weekend and doing someting at Bellevue Square.

I love those little quotes from the Saints or past Popes that they have on that site.. the ones for January are pretty intense.

BTW.. have you also been listening to the radio program we get links to in our daily devotional email? I've actually found the messages to be a little helpful, even if that lady's voice does get on my nerves after a while... I've gotten used to it, and really admire their ministry and their devotion to healing marriages through God.

I'm not quite sold on you being ready for Plan B yet.. but go with the experts, Steve, and the vets here.. I'm honestly starting to think Plan B isn't for me at all, and that the WW would see it as me abandoning the fight... I'll cross that bridge when it comes.. probably the day of the final D.

No, can I get the link, please?

Why do you say this?

Have you talked about this on your thread? What do others say and why are you thinking this way?

Skins,

Mimi started a Goddess month thread. Go there.

Are you still getting your emails? The link is in there every day towards the bottom. If you're having trouble I'll email it to you so long as Mimi won't brain me for it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

About your Plan B.. I say it because I'm not in your shoes, I see you still clinging to the ideal of WH.. rather than truly moving into Plan B with all your ammo and rations together to weather out the storm, and not feel like you have to give in and talk to him when he starts acting like an 8 year old not getting his way. JMHO.. I'm sure the folks here, particularly Mimi and any continued consulting with Steve will keep you firmly planted.

As for -my- Plan B.. I really think that WW will look at Plan B as me giving up on her, and feed her entitlement, and alleviate a lot of her guilt... one of her many claims is that I walked out on the marriage long before she did.. she just literally walked out... If I do go to Plan B it's going to have to be something I carefully address in my PBL.

No I haven't really talked much about my Plan B musings on my thread.. or to anyone really.. just been working them out myself for the most part. Consensus on the thread though whenever Plan B is mentioned is that it needs to wait until DS' custody is settled.

LOL..How do you BRAIN someone?

Excuse me, I'm in a SILLY mood TODAY...

But really I never heard of that..LOL...

You know, that might have been true once, but not now. Lately I haven't been thinking so much about him, it's becoming increasingly harder to think of Plan A things to do. I feel more at peace when I don't need to think about him or what he is up to. I don't like the drama his life is.

Yes, I miss him horribly, but I miss my H. This WH is ucky.....

As for the long haul. I think once my financial situation is set and I have my intermediary in place and I completely understand what my purpose in Plan B is, then I can do it and not look back. I am not doing it because I want to, but maybe for my sanity or hope that it will one day see him come home. I won't lie about why I am doing it and be honest that maybe I really don't want to, but what other choices do I have.

The insanity is killing me, the disrespect and hurtful actions are dispicable and I am learning that it's not ok for him to treat me that way. I can't control him to stop it, I can only take him out of my life to make it stop.

Can someone tell me if I am completely wrong in this thinking or where I need to adjust my thinking?

I'll check for the link. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What was he wanting for 10:00 on Sundays?

How about taking the camera to his office and giving it to him? I thought you didn't want to use the camera that he is using with the OW..ick...

He wants the field for his lacrosse team.

I was actually planning to do that very thing tomorrow morning, very early and bring him something like either breakfast, mocha or CD's.

I was just wondering if there was some other idea.

I don't want the camera. He gave it back to me when he couldn't make the game his children were at because he had to play soccer and then get firewood. I am so ready to be done with this camera, however I was leaving it up to him to ask for it. I wanted to use it one last time in Plan A.

Ok, would you know I tossed and turned all night long and I look like it. UGH.

Oh well, on my way down to bring him the camera. I'm praying hard for a clear mind, calm heart and soft tongue.

I haven't seen him for almost 2 weeks wow. I almost am ok with that.

Put on the Armor of God and head into battle WARRIOR GODDESS!!!

I'm sure He will be looking out for you, give you the right words, and shine through you like the lighthouse you are.

Go get em Queenie!

I'm nervous, but I am A WARRIOR GODDESS.

HEAD'S UP, CHEST IS UP AND OUT, SHOULDERS BACK.

Thanks James, I need that.

Ahhhh.. now THAT is more like it.

OMG,

You are NOT going to believe this. Someone PLEASE remind me they are sick and stupid and UCKYYYY

I went and saw him, brought him his favorite latte and scone from Starbucks along with the camera. He was surprised to see me to say that least.

He is why are you here? I came to bring you gifts and laying the coffee on the desk, handing him the scone and camera.

And what do I see but right above the picture of our family is HIM AND OW in a picture holding each other. I wanted to throw up. It almost made me sick. I wouldn't say I was upset, I was sickened by who he has become. And then I noticed how much she could actually pass as me in a skinnier version of me. She has long hair, but it was pulled back.

What is up with that? How can he possibly be ok in his mind. He lives in fantasy world, please tell me this is normal WW behavior. A picture of her above his family picture, hanging on the wall.

There is a part of me that wanted to just look at him and say, you are one sick person and need to get some serious help, then there is a part of me that just can't believe my loving H could become this person, and then there is the part of me that says, I'm done. Why would I want someone that is so gross, no morals, no integrity, doesn't get it at all. Has no taste, is low life, you get the picture. Has NO CLASS. NONE....

I just kept on talking about stuff and then asked him when we were going out to play frisbee. He said soon. He said he was coming over to the apt this weekend to help with my car. It actually isn't a good weekend for us and I told him that wouldn't work, but how about next weekend. We really aren't going to be around.

So, someone help me understand what that is about. Who has ever experienced something so low class. I don't even think of it as cruel, it's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. However, I do find it interesting it came AFTER I had given him a picture of "us" together on our cruise years ago.

Can he not see how absolutely tasteless that is. Everyone knows he is married and for G-d sake his daughter works there. Hmmm. I think I am going to have to go make a night visit, bringing him a gift and meeting the rest of the crew as his wife, what do you think?

I can only shake my head because shaking him isn't worth it today. I'm being brave, but come on, how can he be ok with that.

I did manage to give him a hug and a awkward kiss and told him I loved him.

Oh yes, I also left a note in the camera bag.

Hey WS,
I miss my H
Mrs. BS

I need you to come home.

It's hidden in there so either she or him will find it. Either one is good enough for me. LOL

Unfortunately in the mind of a wayward, it is perfectly okay. I'm so sorry you had to see that though. I know that had to hurt.

Too bad a strong gust of wind didn't come along about then and knock it off the wall.

How are you holding up? That had to be a huge withdrawal from your LB.

Hi Queenie,

Well that's pretty insulting... you say family picture, you're talking about the 5 of you? Ya I would say that's it's sick. I think I'd be less insulted if WS just cut me out of a picture and put OM in my place, I'd still be mad about it but this one is over the top.

Does your DD know about the picture? Is she doing better?