I have read a series of posts that dealt with issues such as weight gain/loss, attractiveness, not meeting his/her needs and so on. I know each post has a reason for what's happening in their lives, questioning why and the need for solutions and I wish them all the very best.<BR>For 20plus years I have battled bulimia and have been hospitalized several times. I am an obssessive-compulsive person. I exercize 6-7 days a week for 1 to 1.5 hours per day. I have panic attacks when I overeat my limit. I have been through a series of programs, groups, counseling sessions to deal with this disorder. I have been told that this behavior was destined to happen to me no matter what type of life I had. However, I disagree somewhat with that statement. When I first married, I was 18 years and 100lbs. After I had my first son, I gained 5-10lbs. My spouse told me that I was fat and my flab was hanging out in my pants. He also told me that if I ever became obese that he would divorce me. Well 25 years later, he's still here. Over the years, I became so obssessive in my exercize. I work in a place where professional dress is expected; so I would dress up, make-up, heels and all. But during that time he was always telling me how pretty other women were. I would ask him how I looked and he would say nothing or ok. Every now and then I would become angry and ask why he acts so bland toward me. Of course he would shut himself off and never answer. His excuse was that he did not want to fight. After awhile, I gave up. That's when I became the betrayer. A few years ago when I was about to call it quits, he finally tells me that he was sorry for giving me such a hard time about my weight. He apologized for alot of things. I was so hurt and angry because now the damage was done and I was struggling to overcome this demon. I was young when this behavior started and I thought I was doing what I could to please him so he would not leave me for someone else even to the point of making a fool out of myself. Now I know that the only person I can make happy is myself, but I am fighting an uphill battle with eating, low self-esteem and numerous other ailments. I have been praying, cleaning out old mental tapes and of course exercizing to aid in building myself into a person that accepts herself as the almighty made her. I am tired of trying to be what others or my spouse want me to be. I will give him my love, my heart, my time and whatever else that will help us heal and rebuild our love, but I will not give him or anyone else my dignity ever again. As Popeye states: "I am what I am and that's all that I am."

Good for you SB!! I understand only too well the difficulties with trying to overcome an eating disorder!! Keep up the good work of self-awareness!

Thank you, sobeit, for this post. I think it's necessary, and I hope it gets through to all the men here who think that any woman can look a certain way if she just tries hard enough.<P>I too have battled my weight for my whole life. I was never as badly off as you were, but for a year in the early 1980's I was in what I regard as a "diet-induced anorexia." I went on a low-calorie diet (Cambridge), and got into a cycle where the process of weight loss was more important than meeting any goal. The thinner I was, the thinner I wanted to be.<P>As long as I had no social life, I was OK. I could stay on my diet, I could do two hours of aerobics every night (one hour in class and another hour at home), and I could keep my weight down -- but only to 105. Only when I had intestinal flu for a week and couldn't eat did it go any lower (and I am under five feet tall). When I met my H, I was terrified to eat. If I ate, I'd come home and exercise until 4 AM. If I didn't eat, my insecurities about the relationship were so exacerbated by malnutrition that I'd sit in restaurants crying.<P>I am fortunate in that my H has never once said anything about my weight. He's said, "As long as you don't get grotesque, I don't care." I have a long way to go before I get to that point, and don't want to get there. He does NOT want me to "go on a diet", because he knows how I'll get.<P>The idea that any woman, particularly one who has had children, should have this sword of Damocles hanging over her head throughout a marriage -- that "If you gain weight I'll leave you" is absurd. A man who needs someone who's built like a supermodel and looks like an 18-year-old probably shouldn't get married. That way he can be like Rod Stewart and keep trading her in for a younger, prettier model every five years.<P>This is not to say that you should "let yourself go." I confess that for a long time, I slacked off on things other than weight. No more. I changed my hairstyle to a style we BOTH like -- it's easy for me to care for, and he likes it. I shave my legs and apply lotion every day. I don't wear crap around the house on weekends because after all, it's "just" my H. I try to put forth extra effort for him, and think of his feelings and his needs.<P>But I'm 44, and there's no way I'm going to have plastic surgery or go nuts with dieting again to live up to some false image.<P>So to sum up, sobeit, YOU GO, GIRL!!!<P>

Thank you all very much for your support and understanding. The only support that I have right now are my children, but they don't quite understand why I would do this. So I am very grateful for your words of kindness and empowerment. You know what's funny? I am surprised after 20plus years of purging, my teeth are still in decent shape. Only 2 root canals. Must be all the milk I drank instead of eating breakfast.<BR>Take care! I am thinking about you all.