You know, PM, I was a little stunned and then sickened. Not in a victim way, but in a way that he is one sick person. He has NO CLASS. I'm not finding the right words to describe what I am thinking or feeling.

Can someone help me.

The weirdest thing.... if you didn't know better and really didn't look closely at the picture you would almost think it was me. I find that very interesting. Only I KNOW it wasn't me. And my DD should she be at his desk. I feel bad for her. Do you think other people will think he is gross or is it just me?

HOW FLIPPIN LOW CLASS.

The good news is it's "typical WW" action. I have here to vent my anger and I am laughing about it at work.

As for a LB, actually he has done less that has hit me harder. My love for him right now is put away in a closet for self-preservation and protection. What I realized is that I HAVE NO DESIRE for this thing that could be so absolutely LOW CLASS.

Someone help me put into words what I am trying to accurately convey. Because I am not THERE yet.

Hmm insulted. I didn't think of it as insulting. I am not finding the right words to describe what I am feeling.

I want to though.

Disgusted?

Not strong enough.

Disgusted yes, but not there yet.

Keep them coming. LOL

DEFINTELY Typical WS...

DEFINITELY time for PLAN B..which would shield this from you..and allow your love for him to be preserved.

My FWH had SOME SORT of picture of his office desk which likely was of him and her but I never got a chance to actually see it..

It's an IMMATURE form of relationship..like in teenage years..that's what they revert back to...YUCK..

Hi Mimi,

I'm glad it's typical and I'm glad it's getting closer to Plan B. I'm not upset, almost shocked but not in a hurtful way.

So, is this a good sign? Can he possibly stay in that frame of mind forever or ONE DAY will he come out?

I think I was mortified and embarrased for him. This isn't about my feelings, but about how truly sad that he has sunk so low to this subhuman state of mind.

It's funny, I'm not hurt, I'm not really angry, I don't love him any less in fact I just wanted to hug him and tell him I love him and it would be ok, I am sickened by this in a VERY WEIRD way. I feel sadness for him that he could fall so low, be totally oblivious to it and find this as normal behavior.

Do you know what I am tryign to say.

The affair will end but the question is: "Will you still be around?"




You see, how I had to come to terms with REALITY of the WAYWARD?



This is EVIDENCE and TESTIMONY of how far you have come in your own PERSONAL RECOVERY!!

One upon a time I would say there is NO WAY I could imagine not wanting him back.

Today, that muscle is getting stronger. I can't deny who and what he has become and I ABSOLUTELY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS - subhuman.

I see, but my gosh.... it has left me speechless or in shock at his ability to be so low. I guess I still need reinforcements to know this is typical WAYWARD BEHAVIOR. It helps me to not blame myself for losing him. And I am SO NOT going there.

G-d, You Mimi, so many others on here - especially Smartie, James, Believer, Chai, PM, TMTS get so much credit for this. Yes, I did the work, but I wanted to die and not survive. This place gave me the hope to just get through the day. And one day it happened.

I am SO NOT DONE recovering. But I can walk around as a GODDESS and I can truly walk away from my H in Plan B and build a life for myself without him. I thought I was the loser in all this. If NOTHING else, I have MY SELF-RESPECT and tonight I am going to do some intense work and get rid of the intense BELIEF, that there is NO ONE ELSE out there WHO COULD LOVE ME OR WANT ME.

Wow, did that just come from my head. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for helping me live again. I'm not totally there yet, but I am on my way.

Ok, help me out here.

How can we KNOW the AFFAIR will end? Tell me what says that to be true?

I just need a HUGE reminder of this one.

I relied on the STATISTICS.

I think only 5% or so marry their affair partners.

SAA states that affairs end in 2 years. I BELIEVE DR. HARLEY!

I have often wondered is that 2 years from D-day or 2 years from the start of the A. Or does it really matter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Did I handle it pretty good by not even missing a beat, or should I have done something different like yank it off the wall and hit him with it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, did I do ok with how I handled it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have such a strong FAITH and BELIEF in GOD, Queenie..that I believe that he wanted you to witness and see the TRUE WAYWARD HUSBAND today..

See it as a BLESSING.

We have to be open to that... BELIEVE and RECEIVE...

Got any idea why he WOULD want me to see and witness that?

If he was testing me for my the LOVE or seeing who I am deep inside. I passed. I wasn't angry, I was saddened that the man I loved with all my HEART has become such a said human being that is simply destroying his life by living that way.

The BLESSING is how I reacted and felt love for MY H.

Would you agree?

Hi Queenie-

Your WH has completely affaired down. You are right when you say he is sub-human. He has become some unrecognizable version of himself.(Maybe we need to come up with a nickname for him-like Charlotte22's Mr Grey. Makes me think of book: The Picture of Dorian Grey. I lean towards monsters like Grendel-the hideous outcast in Beowulf. It's the English teacher in me). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The prominent display of that picture is very much like a teen-age relationship where the kids try very hard to "prove" to everyone around them that they are "in love." That just shows how ridiculous and immature this relationship is.

What's next? Writing "WH+ OW= luv 4ever!" in a little heart on a bathroom stall?

Don't try to figure out the motivations of a WS. It's impossible. Even FWS's who are on this forum can't completely explain their choices while in the A.

There's a saying that fits this. It's something like never try to teach a pig to sing. It will frustrate you and you will get covered with mud, but it just annoys the pig. And they like mud. (something like that...)

EXACTLY..LOL..IT IS ON THAT LEVEL!!

Hi JT,

I think that's what I recognized it for what it was.

Yes, let's pick up a name. Somehow Hansel doesn't fit this person AT ALL. Taking suggestions everyone.

I have to laugh about what is next. I actually wrote ont he wall in a closet at our family cabin when I was down there at Thanksgiving B & G forever and dated it. LOL Then I left a note on the wall in the closet talking about how much I love him and when he is reading this it's because we are healed and back together.

I did it as a commitment to the restoration of our M.

What he has become is demented and twisted because it's so "natural". I just need to pray for him.

Wouldn't you know "our" favorite game was pigs.. LOL

So, do you think I handled it correctly? Or should have done something else. There was NO LB on my part, that's for sure.

Queenie-

You handled it Plan A perfect! No LB's, no reaction, not even a comment-which I'm sure he has expecting. You gave him absolutely nothing to use to justify his choices.

You did really wonderfully, SG. I probably would have ripped it off the wall and throw it out the door so his coworkers would see it happen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Are you going to Shabbat services tonight or tomorrow? It might help you center.

I'm with Mimi, Plan B should begin soon. Especially since he seems used to having you around and still doing things for you. During your plan B you're going to have to make sure anything he did for you is done by someone else or you do it. Demonstrating you can live without them often freaks them out. That, and they don't get their fix of you, either. When they get irritated that they can't get a hold of you, it ticks off their affair partner.

Again, you did fine. Be proud.

Not only did I GIVE HIM NOTHING, but I was loving and talkative and fun. I even managed to get him to agree to help me play frisbee. And I kissed him and gave him a hug. I should probably go sterilize my lips however.... Oh I drank hot coffee, killed off any infection.

He offered to come by the apt this weekend to help on the car so he knows I still need his help. I told him that wouldn't work for me which he seemed surprised and curious what we were doing, I told him and said that next weekend would work.

As soon as LSA is set, Plan B it is. He has done NOTHING for me since the day he left. NOT ONE THING. I HAVE DONE things for HIM. I have been demonstrating I can live without him, however, what I have done a few times is seek out his input and help for the kids, and other stuff. That is really the ONLY thing that will be different and the fact that I WILL HAVE NO CONTACT.

I can't imagine him getting iritated, but then again I haven't gone completely dark on him.

Thank you for the compliment Mo and JT.

As for services - I honestly don't go anymore. I don't feel connected to my temple at all. They want me to dump my H and unless I do what they want they are angry with me. I actually am going to a friends house and doing some deep internal emotional work on WHY I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE IS ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD WHO WOULD WANT OR LOVE ME. This is one of the last pieces I need to get beyond.

Once I can accept or even acknowledge I am a lovable person who deserves a LOVING, GOOD, MAN. Well it just opens up all kinds of possibilities.

Thank you..... I really felt POWERFUL when I walked out of there. Because I realized how digusting and low he is and I walked out of there as a true WARRIOR GODDESS.

This is the part that is hardest to understand. I read on here over and over again how WH has stayed in the picture and seems to waffle back and forth.

My WH has completed disconnected himself from not just me, but his children and probably left alone he would just stay in fantasyland.

I have been the one to keep in contact and it makes me nervous that once I stopped he really will just go farther and never come back.

Am I nuts to think this?