Well your post was enough to make everybody's night. Wait until Mimi, and PM see this. You are a true Warrior Goddess!

Other than that it's pretty slow, maybe that fact that it's 2:20 on a Saturday morning might have something to do with it. LOL

Yes, that might have something to do with it. That's the hard part of time differences.

I collapsed last night and sleep really well. Woke up too early. Am going to play some music and fall back asleep.

How are you doing this Saturday morning. It's the Plan A day, right?

I'm praying for you and your family.

It IS a gift. Without love there is no hope.


Exactly. You're not that powerful.


Amen!


Yep and what a great gift!


Yes!


SG... this is huge. You've recognized some things about yourself, while not flaws, they were holding you back from fully releasing things to G-d's hands. It's a hard road getting to that point but once you get there, there IS peace. The struggle between you and G-d is over. You're truly giving it over to Him. THAT is awesome.

(((SG))))

P.S. Go Cowboys!

Morning PM,

It is huge... And peace remains..... I recognized and am accepting things about myself. I am who I am, which is G-d creation and he HAS PLANS for me.

Yes, you are right. My life belongs to him and I just need to listen to his instructions or wait for them too.

In the meantime, I get to stop worrying and just live with what I get today.

For you, I hope they win. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good morning Queenie,

Who are you this morning?

Plan A day has been adjusted a little...I won't T/j but I'll post on mine some things that went down this morning.

G-d's child.

I was over on your thread. I am SO HAPPY and PROUD of you.

FLEXIBILITY - ver good quality. In fact, I decided to do the fun thing and try and stay at the hotel over night. At the very LEAST I am going out to dinner and HAVING FUN.

I bagged the work idea, went and got my OS, went and did the fake and bake. Need to get the make up on, and head over to hotel to watch football and wait for the ladies.

Weather is warm so don't need a bulky jacket.

I am just being still... GODDESS STYLE.

how's this saying

People plan....

G-d laughs....

Hi Queenie,

Then he's laughing at us pretty hard.

How was your day? You still on cloud nine?

Cloud Nine - no, that isn't such a good place for me.

I am finding the more balance the highs and lows are, the healthier it seems.

I did break down once today after the board meeting. I was tired of holding it in and seeing someone else do a job that I wanted to do my whole volunteer career actually brought some anger to the surface which scared me. I realize how MUCH this A has taken from me.

Then one of my GF brought me to a store and sat there and talked with me about stuff. She shared with me how the 4 of my "closest" friends are tired of me and the struggle I am having.

Not that I was shocked because I knew it. And for that reason I have NOTHING to do with them. She complained that I have truly changed and am not the LIFE OF THE PARTY.

The simply don't understand. And it's not just about the devastation of what he did, but Plan A (which they absolutely don't understand, in fact they don't buy into the addiction notion at all), they want me to drop him and move on and are tired of me "holding" on. What they don't get is this is a JOURNEY about ME, and that in reality, that's what has been so HARD.

I am changing MYSELF, I am letting G-d have my life and create what he wants and it takes TIME. They want the crazy, life of the person and she doesn't exist. I have NO CLUE where I end up on this road, but I can certainly tell you, it will be what G-d created, not me.

I told her I was perfectly ok with them not being in my life. And that I didn't feel supported by them when I needed it most in my life. I can understand why for them, but that I am doing what I have to and if they don't like it, pretty much oh well.

My sponsor chewed me out tonight about the way I share my walk or journey in meetings because I am talking to much about G-d and Torah. She doesn't hear me referencing the big book. So I told her I would watch it.

I absolutely feel so alone in my world outside of here. NO ONE wants to buy in that WH is in a addiction and what that means, and they are very SCARED or something by my walk with G-d. And for the first time in my life, I DON'T CARE.

I'm not lying to myself, I am DOING EVERYTHING ONE PERSON can do to recover and come out of this whole.

I will say that I got a freeing moment from my friend. For so long I regretted not be appreciative of all the things my H did for me in the past and that maybe I didn't tell him enough. There was a 3 tier plate thing that I always believed he remembered that I loved and contacted this friend to order it for me. The story is a little clear, but I know I thanked him over and over again and in fact people complained I did too much. But for me it was the first time EVER he had given thought to something that I LIKED and bought it for me. At least I thought so.

The truth was, my friends' H was playing tennis with H and mentioned to him I liked this dish, asked H if they should put in an order, and he said yes. Well he NEVER paid for it and she approached him a few times about it.

So, what I learned was at that point he was able to lie to me and have me believe something that wasn't true. Not a big deal accept he was on the path to lying and the OW deal just was a little easier.

Nobody outside of this site or those who have experienced this understand. Now am I handling it the right or wrong way or the not getting over it way. I don't know. I am growing, changing and becoming more healthy each day thanks to you on here.

But one day, when I look back on this time, I will owe my life to G-d and you for those nights you stayed up with me and those promises you made me say and the patience and strong arm you have shown me.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much.

I'll post more tomorrow...but been thinking today..about how LIFE-CHANGING this ALL is..you see, that, too...I don't have any of the same friends, Queenie..your changes are threatening to them..DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO for YOURSELF...the CREAM RISES TO THE TOP... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Mimi,

I have missed you so MUCH. You are taking care of yourself, right?

and to the top is where I am GOING.

I am doing what I gotta do for myself. What happens is not longer what this is about, but how I walk it is....

It's threatening because I am willing to CHANGE WHAT I HAVE TO to become a woman of G-d and change is hard for people. My spirituality is very scary to them and so is my obedience to G-d, because they don't live like that. I am so NOT judging them or want them to live my way. I just would love for them to accept how I have to get through this and love me anyways.

Oh well, THEIR LOSS.

Talk to you soon, I am hoping to get your input on what happened this about my timeline?

Hi Queenie-

You are absolutely right! It is a journey and it's sort of a rebirth. The process is what helps us grow.

The best part about it this time is that it doesn't take that whole "growing part" (I could certainly do without ever going through middle school again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />). It's a completely different time table with God taking us through this growth.

You have new friends here at MB and IRL (me!) and there will be more as you grow stronger and are able to continue to share your love with others.

BTW-what day do you want to meet next week-end? Sunday is the only day I have plans (YS has a riding lesson at noon)so it would have to be later in the afternoon. Saturday a.m. I am taking him to Everett to hang with his dad and go to a hockey game that night so I would already be part of the way down there. But, whatever works for you.

Can't wait to see you. It's almost been a month!

Queenie,

I feel so proud of and for you. I can't say I've experienced the same thing because most of my closest friends were around when my F came back so they understand where I'm coming from. My brother is the only one who thinks I'm nuts, but supports why I am doing this. Sadly these were not true friends, correct me if I'm off base here, but it sounds like they were getting something from you before all this and now that you have shifts you're focus to you they are threatened by having to step up, and they don't like it.

You are a Warrior Goddess!!!!

Happy Monday

JT - Saturday would actually be perfect. What time would you like to meet? I need to probably do a good cleaning, but I can do that early Saturday morning.

I can't wait to see you too. I have MISSED you. I see you called me. I was running around with the board meeting business and then came home yesterday. I have my women's meeting tonight, but will try and call later when I get home. Will that be ok for you?

There is no doubt this period of my life has had it's very worst and very best. The friendships I have gained and the understanding and ability to feel has been NOTHING short of G-d GIVEN.

I think the reason I am most sad about those girls in that we went through so many life cycles and I LIED to myself that they were my CLOSEST friends. My H at one point wanted me to give them up because he felt that they were too negative for me. I did for many years, but then when that didn't make him happy, I reconnected with them. I LOVED BEING and DOING with them, but today I realize it was surface stuff. I know they LOVE me and want to be there for me, IT'S JUST IN THEIR WAY. And that isn't good enough for me.

This IS MY JOURNEY, just like everyone else on here has THEIR OWN JOURNEY and have to walk through it THEIR way because it's about FINDING OUR WAY. I didn't want them to do anything or fix me. I just wanted them to listen and hold my hand. And they wanted to fix and have me move on.


TMTS,

I don't think they are threatened by anything. I think that I am way more insightful or willing to go to those depths to FIND MYSELF and they choose not to go to those places or haven't ever needed to. Without a doubt they have gone through HORRIBLE times in their lives, but they were stronger than me or just different. Three of the 4 hae been divorced and like so many other things in life, once you go through it it gets easier.

I am not willing to just throw my M away. That is why I got married. I realize and understand I don't have any control over the outcome, but the footsteps are directed by G-d and I am working for the blessings...whatever they may be.

First and foremost, they and JUST ABOUT everyone ELSE will NOT buy into the addiction idea of an A. And even if they did, since they are NOT alcoholics they have NO CONCEPT of that need to release the addict calling at any cost.

They also don't understand that I am an addict myself and that I LEAD a sick life that needed to change. It seems that I have a pattern of putting people in my life who want to control me or get me to do what they WANT. That worked for 46 years. BUT MY JOURNEY today, is learning about how does Queenie make it through the WORLD herself and what resources does she need to DEVELOP to MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

And this website if filled with so many who are walking that journey as well and understand the depths of the pain and debilitation it causes.

How is your Monday going everyone?

SG- WOW, you are sounding wonderful today! GREAT JOB!!

You keep the better than great work! You are on the right path, sometimes it just seems like it's narrower than it really is...

I read something this weekend about the lenght of our life and that's it's really not important how long we live but that we live our live to the fullest...it was questioning it we thought that we were living our live to the width of it? To the fullest?

I think that's the important thing, especially right now when we are in this rough patch, are we still living to the fullest?

JT-I've been getting a whole lot of emails back...nothing really important...just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good morning Rin,

I am feeling wonderful. And it's because of HERE!!! Living life to the fullest. Ah, that's something I WAS doing, but in a CRAZY way and I certainly took for granted so much. That is what is so different. I DON'T TAKE LIFE for granted.

I am feeling STRONG and have FAITH that I can FACE TODAY no matter what comes.

I am actually feeling like a TRUE GODDESS.

That is NEW...

I'm going to pop over and see how you are doing.

Wow, that's awesome...hold tight to that feeling today! Pat yourself on the back!

Sometimes that was the only thing that I had to hold on to...

Today may be a great day to make a graditude list for future reference...write down everything that it great!

Will help when that not so great day comes along...which will be less frenquent in the future...I promise!

Awesome job today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Rin,

That's a great idea. It actually is 8 months from D-day today. I actually can imagine what you are saying in your promise on how they become less frequent.

I NEVER thought it would happen, but it is. I just need to develope coping mechanisms for those days or just shake my head and say it's one of those days, like I just told James.

Ok, so I am feeling like until Plan B can happen I am in a holding pattern of Plan A.

I still have lots of it left in me but I want to make sure it's most effective.

HELP - what can I do that will have an impact. He seems to be getting used to or not even acknowledging anything. I want to go out on a perfect BANG.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow, that's not in my zone, but I think that BUGS or LG could help you out there!