Get her, Mimi.


SG, STOP IT!

Not sure, SG. It is ironic, though...

SG,

And MB is extemely fortunate to have you here, too.

Nothing goes one way. You're Queenie...know this.

LA

I stopped myself. I said I was becoming more desirable, didn't I. Progress not perfection. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Honestly TST, I understand what you are saying, but I am losing the point in what I should be praying for then.

Let's take it slower, ok.
1. I can admit that I am powerless over WH and that my life has become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of G-d as I understood him.

I understand that I have to stay completely out of G-ds way and accept what his will is for both my H and myself.

If I ultimately want my H to be in good with G-d, where is my thinking going off from where you stopped me?

not sure I know this, but will let it be for now. Maybe one day I will understand and accept what I am able to offer. I'm getting better? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you LA, truly thank you...

Yes it is ironic. I almost wish he would have a new birthday.

Your offering is you...

as you are...

and you're loved, aren't you?

You didn't earn it, wrench it out of us, nor demand it.

You let it in.

It's a choice. Getting better would be choosing to know it, daily.

You're welcome...thank you right back.

LA

And I will be working on knowing it daily.

You are very kind, truly.

I did let it in and it feels REALLY GOOD.

And I love you all VERY MUCH.

How awesome how we touch each others lives during the darkest hours.

SG,

I'm not sure if you realize that one of the posts up there tst was logged in but I (SMB) was responding.

I was the one who said "let me stop you here." (or something like that, anyway).


I understand that you want your H to be in good with God. Do you understand though that it has nothing to do with you?

This battle is between WS and God. This is about WS's relationship with God. When he gets that relationship where it belongs, everything else ends up right where it belongs.

You asked what to pray??? There is no "special prayer", SG. Just go to God with your heart. When you are hurting, just tell Him about it. When you are angry, lay it out there for Him. Cry out to God. He already knows your heart, but when you share it willingly, the relationship becomes more intimate.

My prayers for tst were VERY SIMPLE. I had prayers written on my mirror and would say them every time I looked at the mirror (several times a day):

Save him
Protect him
Run after him
Deliver him


What more was there to say (pray) really?

Queenie,

Pray for God to have His way...In you, in your H, in your children, in your job, in your life, in your neighborhood, in your city...

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Pray for God's will to be done knowing that it is His will that you come to Him for your strength and hope. Believing that God's will is for your marriage to be restored, but more than your marriage, He wants your relationship with Him restored.

Pray for comfort (which means "with power") from Him so that you may remain faithful no matter what your WH does.

Pray that God will remind you daily that He is with you.

Joshua 1:5 As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will never leave you or forsake you.

Isaiah 49:14-16 But Zion has said, "The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has born? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...

{{{{{Queenie}}}}}

Mark

Thanks Mark,

Your words always help center me. Can I sign up for a daily dose, please.

I am off to go address my addiction to my H. I'll be back and read my TANAKH.

I really appreciate what you wrote Mark, thank you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mark}}}}}}}}}}}

Hey...can you imagine how G-d sent me to Esther twice in two days. Almost the exact same page?

Queenie.....

Queen Esther was a very strong and brave woman.

When she approached the king without being summoned by him first, she was putting her life on the line. And yet she did it for her people...for God's people.

Though she was afraid, she put on her best, did her hair and did what needed to be done...

And God blessed her for it and not only saved His people, but honored her for generations yet to come. Even today she is honored every year with the celebration of Purim.


And all because she overcame her fear and did what God called her to do and what He put her in that place and time to do. It was after all, something only she could do...


Mark

I know, and I actually make some of the best hamataschen you will ever taste.

I am going to honor my grandchildren, by doing whatever G-d needs me to do. I won't fail him, my children, my grandchildren or mostly myself.

Again, how blessed to have had G-d direct me to her twice in two days. I will keep listening and watching for his guidance.

Thank you Mark

Hi Queenie,

Please excuse the ignorant French Canadian boy who you are my only Jewish friend, but can you describe this dish?

How are you doing? I see that TST and SMB are back (I see now what they are so respected) and have been helping you out.

I'm kind of drained tonight. Just the emotions of the night before are catching up... you know what it's like to hope to see that glimpse. We had another little run in when we talked about the kids and where they would stay and when. She was looking at the cat as I was staring at her, she looked up smiled and said what? I said that I'm soaking in all her beauty while I have the chance. She said she was sorry for hurting me and I said I was sorry for letting her down. I didn't break down this time (not going to do that every time), but she started crying. I told her then that my heart belonged to her, and that I hoped that her heart would feel that one day. I've got that empty feeling inside of me, I exist that's it. Not sad, not mad, not anxious... just there.

Just be still.... You know, you dont' need to keep putting yourself through the pain of reminding her.

The past is the past. You have told her you are sorry. My sponsor tells me that that's who I was and who I am becoming would NEVER do those things. And I think it applies for you as well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

If I can be so bold as to say, just keep being who you are becoming and stop apologizing. I would say you have probably told her three times an apology? In Judaism, if you apologize 3 times your indescretion is wiped out, whether the person forgives you or not. Make sense? Anyone disagree? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hamantaschen is a tri fold cookie that is filled with any type of goody from poppy seed, to prunes, to jellies, to chocolate chips. They are awesome. Do a google search. Your mouth will water. I have a fabulous recipe if you ever want it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I actually am doing awesome. I am lucky to have tst and smb posting to me. I need it so much. As you can tell, my recovery is really needing to move forward and letting my H completely go and realize that it could be forever. I just don't know what the outcome will be. I just have to believe G-d will turn it into good for my dedication to him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So tonight at the meeting, in light of what tst said about talking to a mixed group, I realized that I actually am very appealing in a crowd of people. I am vivacious, much happier these days, dressing up as a GODDESS, losing weight, and looking sharp with my make up. People are noticing that I seem happier and more peaceful. So I do need to be careful that guys don't start paying attention to me, because I AM so vulnerable and lonely. Not to mention H. But we won't go there at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

A suggestion was made to buy balloons and go to a park and set them free as I say the third step prayer for my addiction to my H. I think that is an EXCELLENT idea. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Also, I now have a rubber band on my wrist and when I start that stinkin thinkin I snap myself and when I start to worry, or focus on that which is G-ds business, I will snap myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I realized today as I was watching WH play lacrosse. He really is just a kid, he is most comfortable with boys around 23ish, which is exactly what he is acting like. I want a MAN. I DO NOT want a BOY. So, I need to really start to focus on myself even more and just leave him alone. I love my H, I am committed to my M, and I have FAITH that it's G-ds will for him to come home, but there is something shifting in me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I can't think of forever without him. But I don't have to, because then it wouldn't be one day at a time. One second at a time. He really is losing a WINNER and AMAZING woman in me. I don't know if he will ever see it, but she is starting to get a glimpse of it herself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Way too uncomfortable for me though.

I will post this quote to you next time you start doubting yourself.

That's great Queenie, the last two week have been amazing for your personal groth. I am every proud of you. And don't worry, there are still a few of us out there that are not complete jerks, and I am confident you will find someone who will adore you the way you deserve.

Please do. I am sure I will need it from time to time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am going to hold you to this one. I really believe that once I am healthy and whole I am meant to be with someone who can love me for me and let me be who I am without reservations.

I have so much life inside of me and so much love to give someone. I just have to wait for G-d to bless me with that perfect someone. I know what I hope for and continue to pray for, but I just have to TRUST G-d on what he is doing. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY, NONE.

You know what I love most....Wearing tight clothes that show off my new figure and even though I still am a little too overweight for it, I am dressing with class and people are amazed at how good I look. That FEELS so GOOD. I NEVER had this feeling in my life before.

when I had gotten down to 140 about 29 years ago, my mother and BF(HUBBY) said, just think what you will look like when you get to 120. That one single statement has stuck with me for my life. It was cruel and took away all that I had worked so hard for, because I immediately started gaining weight back and never looked back.

You know, I never wanted my H to be a certain way. I just wanted him to let me in and love him. What I wanted was the mind games to stop. And now that he isn't around, I don't live with those games on a daily basis and I think it's taken me awhile to understand that's part of what I am missing. Kinda weird isn't it.

And how tall are you. 140 sounds like a real good weight. My WW is at 145 and I think she looks fantastic. She 5'3" tall.

Have you ever read you on a diet? I don't think I ever used any of the recipes in the back but one thing that stuck with me is that weight control is about how you feel and look, not how much you weigh. So if you feel good and look good, don't worry about what the scale says.

I just saw the compliment on soon's thread. Thanks.

Not sure what you meant by the calling WW names... I have a few choice ones that can't say here. LOL

I'm 5'3. That weight was 29 years ago. I weight a little over a 100 lbs more than that. I started at 327. Now I can say that with pride. If you know what I mean.

I still need to lose lots more, however I am making healthy choices, exercising and giving it to G-d. Nothing else I can do, but let him create this body. I just am appreciating it and enjoying it more and more.

She is one stupid woman if she lets you go.

And you are welcome.

So I have to ask, what do you suppose WH is doing having my picture in his wallet. He did take out the fancy one of 14 years ago, however. I wonder if he threw it away?