(((((((Queenie)))))))))
(((((((Queenie)))))))))

The only one that's not worthy here is him!!!

You are a GODDESS!!!!!

Never forget that!!!

REMEMBER THIS!!!! your quote from 1/21/08 at 12:42AM

Ah, SG, I was so weary. I still cannot find the words to explain where I have been. We were the couple no one would have believed this would happen to. We were doing everything right. We had the "perfect" family, not just in public...but at home...we were the real deal.

So what happened?

For us, I truly believe we were under a serious spiritual attack. I was holding tight to the Lord and completely surrending to Him and trusting in Him.

But as God really started slamming tst and working on him, I feel satan started whispering in my ear. He had targeted our family for destruction. He worked on tst until God took him back, then he turned his focus on me. Now that we are back together and have started piecing the timeline, it is creepy. For those who don't believe in the spiritual realm, this will sound nuts. That's OK. I don't need to convince anyone. I've lived it.


When I was talking to my oldest son and telling him that the A would end, his daddy would eventually be devastated by his actions and want to come home, he said to me, "Mom, I don't think it's going to happen."

I don't know why that impacted me so much. But I remember thinking later that night about it. Thinking that maybe I was just living in a fantasy world. My own son had given up. Maybe it was time to face reality.

My perspective at that time changed. I kept thinking, tst had left...twice...and had no intention of returning. I FINALLY believed that what we had...or what I thought we had...was just a lie. I finally believed the WS fog babble that he had been feeding me. I even remember saying to myself, "Fine, you win, I believe you...you never loved me."

Satan's whispers, my son's words, and then a man who had been through the same pain I was going through started filling my ENs in a major way. And POOF! I was quickly swept away.

OM had said he didn't want to get in the way of reconciliation, but I assured him it was not possible because I was sure that tst was not going to come out of the fog for years. Sadly, the whole time I was meeting with OM, God was bringing tst out of the fog. This timeframe was all less than a month before tst's return home...broken, remorseful, devastated, and desperately in love with me again.

Just days before I started getting emotionally involved with OM, I would have told you it wasn't possible. I had no interest in being involved with someone, SG.

See how dangerous it all is?

Hi Queenie-

I have been popping in now and then today-but haven't had much time to actually post. It was too beautiful to stay inside. Plus, the full moon made my evening walk with my dog magical.

I was just thinking about you surrendering your WH to God and I was reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis when Abraham willingly prepares to sacrifice his only child-the one God promised him and gave him in his old age-in his obedience to God. It was his response that made me think of you

"But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"

"Here I am" he replied. (Gen 22:11).

I love that response. "Here I am." I think that's where you are, saying "Here I am Lord" and right now, that's the best place to be. Waiting for God to be the one who does the rest. Who knows what He will provide....


You are an inspiration.

PS Are you going to wear the new dress tomorrow? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm trusting you, but I am walking in FAITH with G-d. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks TMTS, Keep that coming guy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I absolutely do. I too believe we are under a spiritual attack. Satan is fighting his hardest for my H's soul and has it right now. I am NO MATCH for HIM, only G-D can beat him.

I kinda get it, but it's fuzzy. I am still processing, that you gave him away completely and moved on with your life, but you were holding out hope? Tell me how that worked for you?

I guess what I truly am asking is.... I have surrendered to G-d completely and surrendered my H to him as well. There is nothing I can do for him, except love him and pray for him. I am working through my ADDICTION to control and surrendering that to G-d as well. Plus I am moving on with my life as G-d wants me to, but I am still walking in FAITH that H will come home one day. That's ok, right? Or am I still missing something?

HI JT,

It was an absolutely G-d given gorgeous day today and the night, oh my gosh, the moon is awesome in it's clear glory. That's why we put up with the awful weather, for days like this. I have to email you some of the pictures from my walk. G-d was so with me.

You put it into words beautifully. Here I am, G-d. Please just show me the next step. I just have to listen and be still....

This may seem so silly, but I just realized that today is MLK's Birthday. I surrendered my life and my will and my need to control to G-d today on that great man's birthday who fought for so many peoples freedom.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, but I am walking the baby steps right now. I went over to a friends house who is going through the same thing, the same addiction of control and in helping her see what she is doing, reinforced that this was I NEEDED to do.

I'm so tired of trying to control it, how awesome that I can rest and just let G-d show me. I've earned the rest.

As a matter of fact, yes I do believe I am going to wear the new dress. I have nylons and everything to go with it.

I'm so glad we got to see each other. Will do it again during President's Week, ok?

Queenie-

I think all of us who walk this journey with God come to a place where we have our "Isaac" moment-and in giving it up to God, we are then ready to hear Him call to us, and can say "Here I am."

Keep taking those baby steps. "A journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step." Confusius

What a great thing to find your freedom in God on this day.

Have a great week and we will get together Presidents' Day Week-end.

I love you JT, sleep well and have a great day at work tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you....

It's been over 12 hours since I surrendered. I actually had a peaceful sleep I think. I'm a littl shaky this morning.

Sadness is a little stronger than it has been. Going to go do a couple of prayers and wear my new dress and get styled up as the Warrior GODDESS that I am.

The notion about how G-d is preparing me for something that I can't imagine is taking hold and giving me strength, like he did with Queen Esther.

{{{{{{{{Good morning everyone}}}}}}}}}}}

I just wanted a hug, so now you all have one. I hope you have a great day..

PERFECT!!

YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION...like a RAY OF SUNSHINE!!

Mimi,

It was this board and so many people, but especially you who have helped me walk along so I could get here.

I will NEVER be able to repay you except to say that I will give back to others what has so freely been given to me. Thank you.

I STILL NEED YOU....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I LOVE YOU....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

PS, I'm feeling a little stronger than an hour ago. I'll keep the praying up for sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

How are you doing today?

I'm in the mood for some funnies, how about you all?

These are supposedly actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the
New York City public school system. It may not be true, but the comments are still great.


1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together .

7. This child has been worki ng with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

You gotta love public education....

I'm struggling tonight. I went to an AA meeting and it just set my hackles up. About these guys who just freely talk about screwing woman and playing games.

Do the games EVER stop? Is that what my new life gets to look like? And then I took a shower and settled myself down and remembered, I ONLY HAVE TO GET THROUGH TODAY.

It just hurts, deep.

Oh gosh, I think I am withdrawing from the urge to control my H. And I am in the process of learning a new life with that one.

UGH.... NO wonder I am shaky. I turned it over and surrendered completely, but it's new and I am restless. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Your NEW LIFE is however YOU want it to be....

What happens when I want my NEW LIFE to include my H.

Shame on me... G-d is NOT bringing me to this point to give me crap unless I go looking for it. I need to be still and wait for the answers. Walk in nothing but FAITH that there is good right around the corner for me.

I know, keep walking one step at a time and TRUST G-d. He has plans for me... I just need to be still and let the work continue in me. G-d knows the good that exists inside me and if I listen and walk in his will, it WILL BE ok.

I just need to keep asking G-d to show me what my new life is going to look like. I don't know what to want. I need guidance in knowing what his plan is for me.

Hi Queenie-

Just remember to Be still and let God be God in this. Sometimes God doesn't show us His plan right away. He never does anything without a plan, but sometimes we need to just wait for Him to put the people and situations in place for the plan to reveal itself. You are doing great! You have grown sooo much!

Did you dazzle them at work today in your goddess emerald green dress?

Hi there JT,

Everyone was very complimentary about the new dress. They loved the color and I had eye make up on that matched it almost perfectly.

You are right of course. I just need to be still... Somehow I need to develop a way of helping myself just be in that place. I get caught up in running all around and miss on the be still part.

Any suggestions?

How was work today?

Well-when I get to that place that I feel like I have to "do" something, I take a walk and talk with God. My dog loves it. (She's a Jack Russell and I don't think they can ever get too much exercise).

I also journal a lot!. It gives me a place to put my thoughts.

And I have homework for my classes. Have you thought more about learning Hebrew? (hint, hint)

Work was crazy today-my teaching partner was sick, so there was a sub. But, the other teacher in our program also wasn't feeling well, so I sent the sub over to his class and taught my class alone today. Subs are in short supply during flu season as I'm sure you know.

Tomorrow I have my class at Western. I have no idea what God has planned for me with this,and sometimes I get impatient, but I am enjoying the process.

SG.. I've just got to tell you that you are doing WONDERFUL.

You are an inspiration to me, and others I'm sure with your faithfulness and walk with God.

Being still and waiting on God's timing is the hardest part of this SO FAR. I've found that it helps me to think of it like this (and yeah.. especially given my recent posts I'm glad I'm revisiting this concept today).. WW is lost right now.. she's made changes in her life, her values, her morals, and her faith that have led her away from God. The farther away she pulls, the worse the consequences will need to be to get her to make the effort to reach out for God's hand and let Him walk her home.

Our prayer for our waywards must be that they are found by God through His grace and mercy.. and led out of the wilderness. Now I -believe- that means that they are led home to us.. but even more importantly.. they need to be led to bow at the feet of the LORD.

God hasn't lost the waywards; they have turned their backs on Him. God knows EXACTLY where they are.

IF your WS finds his way back to God and bows at the feet of the Lord by his own free will (not being led), then he will also find his way back to his family.

SG, that may take a decade or more. It may take his whole life. OR he may choose to forever keep his back turned from God. But IF he finds his way back to God, he can't help but find his way back to his family as he reconciles with God.

BUT...you may have moved on, created a new life, and have no place for him any longer.

By accepting that WS may come around next week, next month, next year, the next decade, or never, then you realize that you MUST move on. You have the choice to keep a door unlocked for him to knock on and ASK permission to enter, if he ever comes out of the fog enough to see the door. We just can't leave it WIDE OPEN any longer, otherwise the storms' debris comes flying in and reak havoc.

SG, recently I was sharing with tst that it hurts so badly to know that he was so disgusted by me that he would leave his 5 children just to get away from me. His response to me was that he wasn't trying to get away from me; he was trying to get away from himself.

You see this battle is truly between WS and God. Pray for God to have His way with him. Pray for "whatever it takes".