Good Shabbas, have a great trip and I will have something for you..

Hi Queenie-

I've been catching up when I can and now have a minute to actually respond.

You are growing so much. I know it's hard to see. It's like something I read in a book last year. I think I shared it with you but it's worth repeating. During winter, when a tree sheds its leaves and seems so barren, the cold makes the tree draw its sap deep into its center-making it stronger and killing the pests that might be in its bark. The strength doesn't show until spring, when all that strength produces wonderful, fragrant growth.

That's where we are during this winter of our hearts. Pulling into our core-into God-and becoming stronger. He will bring the spring at the right time, and our strength will be a testimony to His enduring grace and love.

I am going to my 25th college class reunion tomorrow-if it doesn't snow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love ya'

HI JT,

I remember that phone call you got last weekend where you were discussing it. What are you going to wear?

Actually I saw it tonight when the WH was over. I watched him get into a competition with his son on who hits harder. Here is this man has not seen his son for over 4 months, and not only did he have to one up him on everything, but he kept interrupting his son to tell him what he was doing in lacrosse. I was astounded.

I think it hurt me, that he didn't call me to tell me he was coming over, he called the boys. But oh well, when he got there I invited him to stay for dinner, he couldn't he had to get home and cut firewood for heat. Then I invited him inside. He walked through the apt. He didn't really say much, commented about the boys room being messy and then went into my room. He stayed for a second. When we were outside, I asked him if he saw Scrappy Doo and Cindy Too which were stuffed animals that we bought each other in our early years. In fact, I asked him in front of MS and he said yes. MS son wanted to know who they were and I told him. I elaborated. WH was uncomfortable as usual, but he did see them. And then I knew he saw all the other momentos that I had around the house of him. He just took it in. What he does with it, or even if it made a difference I don't care, what was important was it was MY Plan to have him inside and I got that. My place was clean and welcoming and he goes home to trash each night.

We had another talk about the house "WE" are buying. And something happened, I realized that he is NEGATIVE, he calls it reality, but that he lives in such a small world. I don't want to live there with him. I see possibilities in life. He sees "reality". He blames everyone else for those mistakes which cost us dearly financially, and he had a huge part in them, as did I.

Whether he is happy or not, I am not guessing at, what I KNOW is that the energy around him, I didn't like. I can see where it's important to get to Plan B to preserve the love I have for him, because I am truly seeing him in a different light.

He doesn't treat me as an equal partner, heck he won't even let me share an idea without disagreeing with it. What has changed is how I deal with it. I didn't buy into it, I kept making suggestions, asking for input and listening. I didn't LB or give a DJ at all and trust me it was on my tongue, actually no it wasn't. What was there was recognizing how he could CARE LESS about being anything but mean or indifferent to me. He is edgy, he is ICKY, for lack of a better word. He isn't my knight in shiny armor anymore.

I asked him about the book he is reading - Wild at Heart, twice actually and he wouldn't give me any input or feedback. I asked him what he what he liked about the book, and he said it's quiet. Can you imagine? Actually who would want to.

What I realized tonight is that I don't want this person in my life. I am full of life, I have G-d leading my life and showing me the vivaciousness and this WH is a downer and treats me like crap. He chooses, is unable, whatever to see me for the light I am. I hope he sees it before it's too late, I truly do, but he just doesn't appreciate me at all.

There is one part that hopes he treats her the same way, I have a sense that he does, but then again, in the scheme of things it doesn't matter because that is who he is and when things get "reality" for him, that's how he will treat her and I DESERVE and WANT better than THAT.

I am one step closer to believing that if he is so stupid as to let me get away, he really is the big loser. And I am one step closer to realizing that just maybe there is someone else out there for me who G-d has planned for me.

Today, my FAITH lies in G-d just getting me through today.

Oh, I forgot...

I managed to hugs, one when I was congratulating him for something and the second one when he was leaving, I pulled him to me, kissed him, hugged him tightly and whispered I loved him.

NOTHING from him.

But I did MY PLAN..... And for as long as I am in this Plan I will continue to work on every opportunity.

He did say he would check with his people for the battery which means he needs to come over again. Hopefully he will even pay for it. I am not going to offer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope that G-d's will is for him to come home. But G-d gave me a gift today in seeing how much he has changed and it's not all for the good, nor was this my fault. I hope that makes sense.

Actually, "Wild at Heart" is an excellent book. You might want to read it if you get a chance.

I am wondering if you should be a little more aloof with him. Let him know you care, but don't try to get all over him with hugs and stuff.

I'd keep him guessing a little.

That's easy for me to do now because I feel aloof. But not happy about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Last week when he told me he was reading it, Mimi told me to run, not walk to the book store and get it. I did and actually almost stayed up the whole night reading it.

Wouldn't you know that OW's name is Eve. I have no idea what he is getting out of it, or even if he is truly reading it. That isn't mine concern. I can only pray that G-d can reach him and I can find a way to keep dialogue open about it.

Certainly something to consider. Anyone else think I should stop this? Part of hugging him is having him feel the physical differences in my body because of the weight I have lost.

My reasoning, please correct me if I am wrong is that I really need him to understand how life could be if he came home. He needs to know I would be affectionate, loving and putting him first above all else. I have a feeling that the more I can do right now, and then completely go dark, the better my Plan B will impact him. When, I have no idea. But that's why I hug him at every opportunity. It's not a needy hug, just a genuine, I am your wife and I love you hug.

Make sense?

I understand your point and it's a good one. But, now that he already knows how you "feel", maybe back off a little on the hugs. But you can still get in "close" to him just enough to smell your perfume and make him want to hug you and drive him crazy because you wont.

I'd be interested in what worked for other people.

When my H left me, it was pretty bad for awhile. But he started talking to me again and had to come over a few times to do whatever. We made out. I started feeling used and not right about the situation so I stopped and got a life. That's when he really started to want me I think. Why is it that they always want what they can't have? My H has done this over and over.

I can tell, the WH has ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE FOR ME WHATSOEVER. I might as well be a dog that he can kick away for all he thinks of me. Actually the way he treats me you would think i was the one having the A and walked out. He treats me as I was disgusting. And that truly hurts.

I am not overly affectionate, just a wife claiming her place in the limited opportunities I get. It's nothing sexual, just a hug, a sweet kiss on the lips, and an I love you in the ear.

But, I agree. What do others think? I don't do it all the time - just when I can push the moment. I don't say I love you all the time. But this was different. He was on my turf, seeing the home that I want him to join us in and I wanted it to be loving and warm and inviting. Make sense?

Yes, it makes sense.

I think a little of both would be good.

I'm also curious to see what others think.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A little of both is good.

Somehow I have to create something from nothing, so he misses what is gone.

How did I become so disgusting as his wife. That just plain hurts...

I am curious too...

How are you doing?

Ummmm......he had to justify that you are so he can continue to do what he is doing without guilt.

Me? Crappy, afraid, sleepy, etc. But, I am doing something different because nothing else worked and I am hoping for the best. H & I are separating tommorow and I have good and bad feelings about it.

I've been avoiding my thread this evening. I was going to start posting earlier on it when I had more energy but I had the opportunity to have a little family time with my son, his gf & my H so I did. When I finally started posting, I was too tired to get into my stuff. It's easier to get into someone else's stuff.....lol.....

Thanks for asking Skinsgal. I think I'm tired enough to fall asleep now without lieing (sp?) there with thoughts running through my head.

I'll catch you later. Good night.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mopey}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sleep well my friend. You will be in my prayers and thoughts tonight.

I'll check in on you tomorrow.

{{{{{{{{{Mopey}}}}}}}

I'm hurting, I'm lonely and I want to talk. Anyone around?

I"m here!!!

I was thinking about the aloof business... my wh is around a lot more because of the kids, but it's usually when I'm "busy" and have other things to do around the house that he seeks me out for affection, If I'm right there, he doesn't want anything to do with me.

How are you doing?

Hey skinny girl! (For some reason that is what I think of when I see your username!)

I am sorry you are lonely and hurting tonight. What is going on tonight that makes it especially hard?

You helped motivate me to start quilting again. I went into my DD20's old room, which I had just crammed stuff into, and rearranged it into a working art room. And in the process I found a quilt for a little girl that I finished over a year ago but thought wasn't "good enough" to send. When I looked again, it was really lovely and bright. So I sent it, and the little girl, who is in kindergarten, was thrilled. The neat thing is the timing-- she has recently been struggling with migraines.

Now I am making a quilt for a soon-to-be-born baby girl in the same family. It is a "garden party" style, 5 inch large florals print blocks alternating with 9 patches of small florals. So far so good. I hadn't touched my machine in so long I had forgotten a few things about it! That is sad!

The whole A business and my mom's death last year really did a number on my ability to be creative. It is healing for me to be back at it.

I did, I am so glad. Thank you for telling me that. I am so happy you are finding comfort. I miss quilting, but have no energy to create either.

I like skinny girl..... lol. not true, at least not yet.

I actually was having a GODDESS morning, slept in, did my hair up nice, well as nice as possible, and walked to the nail place and had a set of nails put on. french manicure, enjoyed girly talking with so many friends in there.

Then I hooked up with a friend to go help someone whose wife left him after 47 years. She just went crazy. He is moving out of his house and I went to go help with a bunch of other people.

We went to lunch, had a blast and life was ok. Then driving to this man's house, I saw my WH and OW driving the other way and it brought it all up in my face and it crushed my spirit and I haven't recovered.

So, I'm here lonely and sad, trying to remember all the things. It's an addiction, affairs almost always end. It just hurts because she was sitting in my seat in his car with my husband and I'm alone.

How are you doing other than that?

((skins))

I'm actually doing ok... but in the back of my mind I'm wondering why? I have so many questions for WH, but don't dare ask. I have seen him a bit more lately and we seem to be "chatting" on the phone, email, and im more... but I still don't know what any of his "plans" are.

I'm trying to take care of myself.

I've always wanted to quilt! Said I would start when WH went on his first "hardship" tour 13+ years ago... still haven't tried it.

Smile Skins!!