Bracha,

A lot of times, I didn't get out of it. I LBd. I triggered. We fought, terribly, after more than a quarter century of NEVER fighting. My H was an alien.

It was horrible. I can't really go to the memories in my head. There is a long ways to go before I can say "healed" or "recovered."

I do not know if you have read my threads. My H behaved despicably, yet we never separated nor seriously considered a split,because our DS13 has serious issues (bipolar and autism.) At many times, the only glue holding us together was a shared commitment to doing what our son needed.

Bracha, dear friend, I married a good man, whom I could trust. I ended up with an alien. I am praying daily for the good man to re-emerge, and he does often these days.

I know I would leave if another "incident" occurred. I hope I am never tested with that.

We are older, in our mid-50s now. Even if my H works longer than most, we are not young any more. Our options and choices are different from those of younger people, and different from those without special needs children relying on them.

But there is hope.I am seeing the good man, the man I could trust, again.

Our children still know nothing.

I married a good man too who is a complete alien. The only difference being he just tossed me away without regards to anything...

But then that it was an addict does. I just remember who he was and that's when I get into trouble. I watch my DD and the pain she is in because of what her dad has become.

I love my kids, I promised Mimi I wouldn't do anything and I won't. But I just want the pain to end. I want G-d to pick me up and put me somewhere where I feel safe and not so flippin alone.....

Good thing it's almost time to go to bed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, Chrys, I'm so sorry you went through this. The pain I feel for everyone who experiences this is overwhelming because I truly understand it.

Hi Sweetie Queenie!!!

And you probably wondered where I was didn't you. Just a busy day and night, but that's not important right now.

I cannot even imagine what that was like. But remember that your pain is very much real and are here to help you through it. (I had a nap when I got home from work, so I'm good for a while).

You know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Never doubt the truth in this statement!

I missed you TMTS,

How are you doing? I am doubting it big time. Especially when he treats me like garbage. He never did that before. Not like this...

When did I become crap to him....

I was worried about you. I'm glad you got a nap in and are taking care of yourself...

I'm good Queenie, except for a few friends that I'm worried about on here. I haven't checked my thread yet, so I'll be posting in just a little.

Please never even doubt it Queenie, if you dig deep down you know it to be true.

As for when you became crap to him, is when he turned into crap himself... crap can only see crap. Listen to our friend Believer, look at her H now... would you ever consider her as anything other than a GODDESS and a WINNER.
Look at my F, it took him over a year and a half to get to that pint, and he got lucky my M took him back because it was touch and go for a while.

You are anything but garbage or crap! You are a flower in bloom who beauty id just starting to be exposed for the world to see. We are just the lucky ones that get to see it first.

You are a beautiful and amazing woman. Do not let go of this. You need to be there for your children.

And you do give hope and strength to many who read these pages. Take heart. Sleep well. Tomorrow is a new day.

TMTS,

I will look for you in a few. I told Mark I would have a scripture and I haven't found one that is helping me right now.

I am the lucky one that you haven't given up on me. Though you might want to shake me right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I promised Mimi, and others. I will be there, I will keep fighting through this and let G-d lead me out when it's time. It just might not me time yet.

Sleep well. I have that wedding tomorrow morning, I'm scared and I think that's part of this. I'm just doing so many new things that I'm completely out of my comfort zone.

But then I remember what Mark said... Comfort from G-d = strength. Strength to move forward and learn what I need to learn to become who HE wants me to be and live a new life.

Mark,

I found one....

Jeremiah 20:11
But the lord is with me like a mighty warrior
Therefore my persecutors shall stumble
They shall not prevail and shall not succeed.
They shall be utterly shamed

This has been a hard thing.... let me try some more....

Maybe this is part of God's plan right now. He is taking you out of your "comfort zone" to show you what you really are capable of doing. You are an amazing woman. If you don't think that, look at what you have accomplished in the midst of all this. You have created a home for your DS's and made it a refuge for them. You have sought to find your comfort in God and have grown in your faith beyond what you may have thought possible. Your faith is as real as the air you breathe. You have continued to work on your health and you DO look fantastic in emerald green.:) You are reaching out to others here and you are supporting others in their pain, helping them in their journey.

Simply amazing!

Ps 121-

I lift my eyes to the mountains.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-
He who keeps you will not slumber;
Indeed, He who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you-
The Lord is your shade on your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm-
He will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Sleep well and enjoy the wedding tomorrow. You have a great chance to bless the bride with your talent and your prayers.

You are my blessing JT. Thank you. I need to get to sleep and get MY BEAUTY sleep so I don't scare them in the morning.... LOL

Sleep well my sister-

After lighting the candles, the woman covers her eyes with her hands and recites the following blessing:
"Barukh atah Adonai E1oheinu, melekh ha'olam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel Shabbat"
(Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, Who has made us holy through His commandments and commanded us to kindle the Sabbath light).

After the blessing, some women add a silent prayer for the family.

Only after the blessing is recited, the woman uncovers her eyes and looks at the light. By covering her eyes, the woman can focus more fully on the blessing and can postpone the enjoyment of the fruits of the blessing (seeing the light) until after the blessing is recited.

---pasted from the About.com website---

Not sure about the spitting onthe fingers thing, though. I've actually never seen that happen.

Wow Moj,

thank you. I thought it had something to do with the blocking of the lights. Thanks.

I still think the other one is a yiddish custom. Will call my friend today and find out.

How did you get that answer?

Skinsgal,

How are you this morning?

ok, and you? How did you sleep?

I'm good, thanks, slept well. And have been napping all day, too!

SO... SG... have you started drafting your Plan B letter yet? Thinking about you girl.

You know. I think that Plan B is in order for tonight. I find myself feeling sorry for myself lately and that is not a good thing.

Not sure where to start, should I look online, take someones and remodel it so to speak or generate my own.

Thanks, PM. I NEEDED that.

Chrys, I had that wedding thing in the morning. I was around to many happy people for too long and it started to bring me down. I came home and binge ate, which is something I haven't done for a long time. Took a nap and my son got home. I think I am going to go shopping for a little while and get out of my skin....

Hi Skins,

Checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you are going to Plan b soon. Too much Plan A can drive you crazy I think.

I haven't had a whole lot of time for posting lately. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you...