You cannot know this FOR SURE..unless you have SPECIAL POWERS and can foretell the future. That's where FAITH comes in..PRAY your HARDEST that this will not happen.



How is this different than any WH? I know for sure that my H didn't love me anymore. He was "in love" with the HO. He had to fall in love with me again with only a SHRED of his love left for me. I'M SURE that your husband has SOME SHREDS at least left. What it will take is for him to SUFFER and to try. Yes, the ball will be in his court. PLAN B is what YOU can do.



My H thought the SAME and did the SAME. The key is how you feel about yourself.

EXACTLY!!

Let go of your H and place him in GOD'S HANDS!

YOU try to PRETEND that he no longer exists...that he belongs to GOD.

I can do this....


I don't know what you mean by this...

I am working on this daily... and snapping when needed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I NEED this.... Part of my hardship is waiting on being able to get into Plan B and trying to keep up with Plan A when it's really having no effect. Know what I mean?

Hey Skins, I mean Queenie. Love the new name. Now, you just have to believe it! You *are* moving into a new life, and one that hopefully you can invite WH into with you someday. When that happens, you'll be a better Queenie. You'll see.

I'm keeping track of you....

Thanks Chai,

How are you? How's the decorating coming? Are you taking care of yourself.

Keep me on track, please. I need it. My rubber band might need to be replaced soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm hanging in there. Five months now in Plan B and it has been quiet. You know, there are days where I go through the entire day and don't think of WH. I haven't cried in a long time either. My DD says her dad is not with OP anymore, but I'm not sure I believe it. Whether he is or isn't, he has made no attempt to contact me. I guess I've learned to make my own life now.

Decorating is still going on. I do it little by little. Gives me something to keep occupied with.

So it sounds like Plan B is coming up shortly? I think you have Plan A'd about as much as you can. It isn't making a difference anymore, and it's draining you.

What's the hold up on PLAN B? PLAN A is basically over...

Queenie,

I used the word 'rigid' specifically-- he seems immovable, almost arrogant in his dismissive attitude with you. Stiff-necked, stubborn. I'm not saying he is 'bad' or more addicted than anyone else at all, but this guy hasn't given even a momentary pause during Plan A. It will be interesting to see what PLan B will do to him.

PLan B is for you though, I worry about you. I really do.

I'm sorry to have misquoted you, Mojo. I put BAD 'cause I couldn't remember the word you used. I'm often busy when I am posting. Plus, I have a middle-aged brain.

I do kinda disagree, though. We can't possibly know the FULL EFFECT of Queenie's Plan A. I do think he was responsive to her visits to the office and her visits to his games. He even had a recent picture of Queenie in his wallet. But, I won't even make much of that. The point is WE CAN'T KNOW for sure...



I agree that Queenie NEEDS PLAN B..

But the QUEEN will be just fine...

The CREAM rises to the TOP...

Hi Queenie,

I am really sorry to hear about your loss today. It really got to me. I feel so bad for you and the mother.

Have you set a time to give WH the plan B letter? Did you get a chance to read the Killer B thread?

I only ask because I know it's the next step.

Change is scary, but not changing is scarier.

(I think I've said that 3 times this week.)


{{{{Queenie}}}}}}

Mimi- no worries! After you used 'bad' I did worry that Queenie would think I *was* saying he was one of the baddest I had seen, which isn't true (gosh, remember Momwith3Kids, FaithInMe, and DaniinVA's husbands?). He seems to be extremely arrogant to me, though and plays it cool. Let's see how cool he is when he deals with Queenie's freezing of HIM.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chai}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I hear in your voice a sadness or resignation. Is this true or are you happier than your words show?


I am waiting for the lawyer to tell me WH can't stop money coming into my account because he gets upset with me for Plan B.

I would agree. He called the boys tonight to see how they are with this young boys' death. He can't even manage a call of concern to me. Not once in 8 months has he shown one ounce of care that I hurt. How he just dismiss me so harshly. I am a human being who hurts, how can't he even show that I might be hurting or call to see how the mother is doing and if he could help in anyway. Anything that shows he has a heart. I KNOW, HE IS AN ACTIVE ADDICT.

Only G-d truly knows what is going on. I just have to TRUST HIM.

Mimi, you won't stop posting to me when I go into Plan B, right? I need your help staying focused and on track, ok?

Oh Mopey, thank you so much. I feel just horrid for the mom, I got to go see her tonight. As you can imagine she is in shock. The one person who I feel really sorry for is my other friend who loved this little boy like a second son. She is going to need me as well. Do you know that at one point today, I asked myself aloud, how can G-d take a 17 year old who have a whole life ahead of him and leave me here with so much pain inside. I But thankfully my co-worker said, G-d needs me to take care of my kids and I really do believe he has plans for me.

If I can take one blessing from this, it's that before this time I couldn't really understand the depth of pain that someone feels. I do now and I know that I can be supportive by just being with both of my friends and letting them do or be whatever they need to. I can be a safe haven to feel the pain and not try and fix it or take it away from them, but walk along side of them as they go through this grief. I didnt know what before this. I need to be grateful to G-d that he can use me.

I read parts of Killer B's thread yesterday. I need to read more obviously.

I'm not scared of the change. I'm just scared its truly the end and I won't ever see or talk to him again. I'm so tired of hurting and feeling like throw away garbage. If you cut me I TRULY BLEED. If you HURT ME, I REALLY DO HURT, DEEPLY.

I was his W, didn't that matter at all for anything? I know I've said it before, but I am walking away from the man I promised to love and commit to forever. It goes against everything I believe and I HURT over IT.

G-d must really have a lot of FAITH in me to survive this.

Man, my emotions are up and down tonight. I guess that's what I get on 2 hours sleep.

Mojo, I have no REASON to believe he will care one way or another if I am in his life or not. It doesn't matter anyways, I need to do Plan B for me. Queenie needs her new life.

So you have seen worse WS? That helps. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Queenie,

Psalm 71:12-16

Be not far from me, O God;
come quickly, O my God, to help me.

May my accusers perish in shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and disgrace.

But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.

My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.

I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.

Thanks Mark, alot. My heart tonight is leading me to call one friend and check up on her. And delve into Numbers some more.

I really appreciate your scriptures. Thank you....

I know what you mean and I was just thinking about that again today. If 60% of marriages are touched by infidelity, there are a lot of hurting people walking around. And that is just infidelity. I am MUCH more patient and aware if I think anyone is having a bad day. It is amazing to me all of the emotional labor that must take place for people to just get through the day. I would say that I am more emotionally intelligent than I ever was. That is a good thing.



Oh Queenie. My heart goes out to you. When my husband left me a few years ago during his affair, I felt JUST LIKE YOU. I was devastated, confused, and I did feel like trash that he tossed away. He didn't even tell me where he was staying. I wish I had known he was in an affair because that would have given me a reason to hate him and I wouldn't have felt as bad as I did. I am not a plan A or B kinda girl. I would have gone straight to plan D I'm sure. We had a pretty miserable marriage and that would have been it.

He told me that he didn't love me and that he didn't think he ever did. He pretty much blamed me for everything and I let him. He convinced me it was my fault. I didn't find MB until 1 1/2 yrs later.

Anyway, after the affair died, he came back but he was still wayward until I caught him again two months before I found MB.

My husband was adamant and convincing in his stance that we were done. Things change Queenie. They can change for you too. But either way, the change is going to be good for you.



Back in those dark days, I thought the same thing too. I thought "he's gotta be kiddin me". But I gotta tell ya Queenie, once I realized that I had to move on to protect my heart, it got MUCH better. In three months time I was looking forward to my new life. That was about the same time his affair died and either I was a convenient alternative or he found me attractive again. I honestly feel like it was both.

You're not alone. You will get through this one day at a time. This too WILL pass.

Thank you Mopey. I know that I will get through this.

While working through my 9th step last night with my sponsor she said time takes time. I remember in the beginning, time was just the most horrible thing. Today, I don't like it, but I have a way better understanding on how time just takes time.

If I stop posting to you, it will be because something happened to me. Make a shout out if that happens. There are folks here that know how to get in touch with me.

My heart was beating fast while reading your post about your H not being there for you during this time. Your H is no different than mine was and most others here with WSes in this ADDICTION. During all of my H's junk, I was caring daily for my GRANDPARENTS who ADORED him and kept asking me WHERE HE WAS. It was VERY HARD on me to cope with their declining health ALL ALONE...VERY UNHAPPY MEMORIES, YUCK..But know that your H is NOT DIFFERENT in this regard.

Ok, that worries me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You ALWAYS help me see that he is just the garden-variety and that was he is doing is typical, which keeps the hope alive in me.

So, do you think I should be still Plan A as often as possible or be quiet and wait for the LSA to be filed and go straight into Plan B?

Nothing's gonna happen to me...I was trying to say that I'm not going anywhere...

I think you should continue what you are doing until you do PLAN B but you should do PLAN B ASAP..

Be cordial with him..talk to him over the phone..when he calls you, etc...nothing very special...

Mimi,

For some peace of mind I need to realize what my Plan A accomplished. I don't see as it having any effect on him, well at times, but in creating memories. Did it work. Is there something else I can do to finish it up?

Oh I keep forgetting to ask this part. He still is on our cell phone plan and I am paying for him. Obviously that will change once I am in Plan B. How should I address getting the phone back.

Do I ask for it and give him a week to get his numbers off the phone once I tell him I am getting the LSA or what?