And about to be Queen-B!

And her new life....right?

Really I'm silly MOST of the time these days..not always sure that it's appropriate on the forum..but today I'm too SILLY to hold back...

I don't know why...

I love it and welcome it any time...

Hey Q! Just wanted to drop in and say hello. I need to get off the board and study. /sigh

But real quick.....



I could just hear him now....."That was a mistake!"......lol......I'd leave it alone.

I don't mean to say that to hurt. It's just that waywards will turn EVERYTHING around.


{{{{[Queenie}}}}

I know you are right of course. Writing this letter has certainly brought up nostalgia for me and how happy we were and how hard we worked for our marriage. I know it's an ADDICTION. I know it, but G-d I wish it was drugs instead. Then it might seem more obvious to him and he would still be at home.

I just realized I am too sentimental and old fashioned for this society. Not the best of traits to have when you are faced with affairs, separation and divorce.

QNL,

COMFORT from God Himself!

HIS strength and power, not just our own.

Did you read anything in Numbers since last night?

Been a busy day and I'm going home now. Our worship band practice was canceled due to the weather...Wimps!

Mark

Hi Queenie,

Checking in on you, are you alright? I've been watching you post you PBL all day, that can't be easy.

You are in my prayers as always.

Queenie

I love, love the new name. It suits you perfectly.

I also think your PBL is fine. IMHO, it is not important that it is pefect, but that it is YOUR voice. When I read it, I hear the woman that you are. That is what should be there as you speak to WH.

In contrast, my PBL was pretty short and to the point. It wsa not a love letter per se, because quite frankly, that's not me. And my WH would have read something very sentimental from me as being fake.

But you have good guidance here. You know that I am with you as you jounrney in to Plan B.

I love you Queenie. We all do and are here for you.

Smartie

That particular memory would be best to bring up with your husband, not WH. When/if he comes back, he'll fight for you again.

I promise you Queenie, you will be happy again, with or without him. I know you want it to be with him but you sure don't want some ole stupid, selfish wayward. Now do ya?

To answer your earlier question to me: A Noachide/Bnei Noach/Noahide is a gentile who follows the 7 laws of Noah. Somtimes referred to as 'righteous gentiles.' A good site to get more information is http://www.noahide.com/index.htm. I often joke with my family that its 'Judaism Lite' sort of like how some Episcopalians call their religion 'Catholicism without the guilt.' *chuckle* Of course the website I linked is run by Hasidic Jews and I can tell you I am definately not as orthodox as they are, but I can learn a lot from them and respect them very much.

Queenie, I love the new name. Its perfect.

One thing though...what the heck is a goodbye box? Sorry, but the only thing your WH should get is that PBL.

Here is the online exchange between WH and myself. In lieu of the conversation I had with our MC, it fits perfectly.

BS: Have a wonderful day husband. I will be thinking about you all day.
WS: I just sent you a message. What are you doing up?
BS: I was hoping to see you and wish you a good day. I miss you
WS: Got to go have a good day.

Bam he was gone. There is turmoil in his life. Please keep praying that G-d helps him hit rock bottom.

Mark Yes, I did. Though it's really confusing and I am having a tough time understanding. I skipped over the census part and started reading about G-ds instructions about the Levites. The interesting thing.... my mother mentioned once that her side of the family I believe can be traced back to the Levites. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Anyways, I find myself having a hard time understanding the message. So I am going to push forward, and write down questions that come up. Ok?

TMTS, I am doing ok. Yes it's hard because I am not sure the letter is exactly what I want to say. I need to leave it be and see. I'm sad inside because of the conversation I had with our MC. She confirmed things that I knew, but didn't want to go there on. I'm scared for him.

Smartie, I wouldn't have made it this far without you all on here. AND THAT IS NO LIE... I'm glad you like the new name.

Mopey, I can't see this, and just truly WALK in FAITH that you are right. And no, I don't want any ole stupid, selfish, destructive wayward at home. I can honestly say I don't want that. He is toxic and it will be awful to be around him all the time.


Mojo, Thank you about the name. I like it too actually. I might modify it when I get into Plan B...QueenieBsNewLife

The goodbye box was something that Mimi and I discussed because my opportunities for Plan A are so limited. I need to really go out with a bang and giving him this will be one more lasting impression how things have changed in my life and giving him the understanding of what it would be like for him if he were to come home.

It will include pictures, fudge <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and whatever else I pray about. Thanks for the heads up on the Noachide. Is your family Jewish?

Last night I had a long conversation with our old MC. The one that WH lied to while we were going to her. She just really reinforced everything I knew already but in a little different way. She talked about how he has just shut down as a person and reverted to being a teenager. She doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage and thinks I should just move on and divorce him. Obviously that is where I shut down on what she was saying.

However, she confirmed that there is NO WAY the WH is living in reality. He can't because he can't or won't allow himself to face up to what has happened. She completely supports the addiction notiong and says that she doesn't think he will ever come around. Good thing she isn't G-d, or his wife. Because I am not giving up on him. I KNOW the person who is fighting inside.... And I am fighting for that person as well. Just the only way I can. By letting him go and letting G-d work on him.

The other piece was she blamed me in many ways or blamed our marriage as well. Clearly she can see that this was never about our M, but about the person WH was and wasn't willing to work through. So for me, it helps me to hold my head up high and know that I did everything I could in the M, and that when I began making the changes toward our M becoming healthy, WH was not willing to and chose another path. Does that make sense? It doesn't change anything, but it give me relief of my responsibility that I was this horrible wife who neglected and drove her H out of the house. Intellectually I know that's not true. But my spirit didn't and I need reinforcement on knowing that I did everything I could for years. But this WAS NEVER ABOUT ME, it was the spiritual battle inside my H all along.

My sole responsibility was in allowing what was happening to change me and not seek G-d for his guidance and will.

Woo hoo.... Two hour school delay for all those little darlings... I have to go in on time, I am the lowly secretary, but two hours of quiet.

I love snow and ice mornings....

Good morning, Marriage Builders and Family..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hehe.. a couple hours of peace in the morning I'm sure is welcome respite! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have a great day Queenie.. you're a godsend for at least one person today I hope you know.

So much for peace.... they school messenger system messed up and we are having kids dropped off, with no teachers.

LOL... You gotta love technology.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sorry Queenie, but I agree with mojodiva here. All he should get is a short, to-the-point Plan B letter...not a box full of sappy sentiments or a dripping letter. (NO offense meant here, I hope you hear my loving tone.)

AND I realize you have been following Mimi's advice to the T, so you may not agree with us on the box...that's OK, ya know, we still love you, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I think that I can possibly say I'm done.

I just got horrible news.. A teenage boy that played with my children for many many years was found dead this morning.

He was a special needs child and I was very close to his mom through the years.

Life is too short to play this game. I need my H for comfort and he isn't there and possibly never will be. Why do I keep trying. Why can't I just cut my losses and move on.

I haven't called him simply because he isn't capable of any real emotion and I don't need him flipping game or even have the remote expectation he might care.

I'm processing what is going on inside of me, but I have to tell ya. I deserve something better than an empty husband who may or may not figure it out. Or even care that his family is in deep pain over the loss of someone very young.

I HATE THIS DISEASE.

{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}

I am so sorry. What happened to the boy, if I may ask?

My DS13 is special needs, this touches close to home.

He was 17.

I am not sure and will keep you posted. He has been having mini seizures the last few days, and at one point they thought he was having a stroke, so they called the dr and was going to take him today.

Mom put him to sleep last night and rocked him to bed. When she woke up to tell him he wasn't going to school she couldn't find him. She went downstairs to look for him and get mad at him for getting out of bed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But he wasn't there.

She went back upstairs and found him wrapped up in his blanket, gone.

I have know this child since he was 3 years old. Our kids all played together at the lake during summers.

I can't even imagine what his mom is going through because he was her very special one. The other two boys have had their troubles through the years and he just was so special to her.