TMTS,

You are so lucky. Please know how happy I am for you. What have you learned about yourself now that the real work has started. Is it like you thought it would be or different. Having gotten your reconciliation, do you think that I have a chance at all?

RobertsWife,
Good for you, I imagine I need to learn this one.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. May I ask how old you are? What lessons were the most inspiring that you learned about yourself?

Thank you for talking to me. I am just having one of those days. I think I just still even after all this time and still in absolute disbelief that he would just walk away from his family like he has and not care.

I have hung onto G-d very tightly today and I think I will hold him tightly tonight.

As does I do for my appreciation and admiration for all of you who have walked before me. You sound like an amazing person. I am very happy for you.

Hi Queenie-

Just checking in and wanted to tell you that even though it doesn't feel like it-you are doing awesome.

You are there for your kids. You are standing on your own. You are truly remarkable. This year, on Purim, you can remember Queen Esther, who stood up for her whole nation. She probably didn't feel strong either-but she knew her strength came from the Lord.

Talk with you soon-class tomorrow night.

Love ya-

Hi JT,

I am really looking forward to seeing you this weekend.

I can't wait until Valentine's day is over.

Is there anyone here who thinks I should get him a card or anything? Or should I just leave him alone.

I am doing my best at being strong, but I'm tired. I am just beaten up and tired. Last night on the way home from my 2nd job, I called my old sponsor and had her talk to me on the way home. SHe kept me on the phone for almost 2 hours. It was a bad night last night.

What is wrong with me? I have faith, I've given it to G-d. The feelings, why can't they go away. What am I doing wrong?

Help, this is the email I just got from WH.

BS
We need to talk on several matters. I will call you tomorrow mourning. I hope you will answer.
WH

What should I do?

You definitely need to meet with him.

Of course, you are going to be LOOKING WONDERFUL!!

And WE are going to plan EXACTLY what YOU are going to say REGARDLESS of what HE SAYS...

You are gonna talk about your desire to reconcile and for him to end his affair.

You are gonna talk about YOUR PLAN to obtain a LEGAL SEPARATION.

You are gonna talk about YOUR PLAN to LET HIM GO until HE decides to END HIS AFFAIR.

I had this same talk with my WH prior to PLAN B.

It really helped me to read LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. I think I may have quoted that book to him verbatim...BLEW HIS MIND..

I need to get this out and will go back and read what you are saying. Can you stay for a minute?

He said he was going to call..

I'd make him do it face to face.. or there's nothing to talk about..

This is starting to become a major trigger for me.. WW can 'hide' all to easy behind a telephone or email.

He called. I asked him to meet me. He said that would be a possibility. This is what he wanted from me.

A letter to the food bank saying that he is giving me half his paycheck so that he can get a break on his electrical bill. I questioned him about the half of paycheck and reminded him I was being shorted. He said he took care of it and I should have noticed a difference with overtime and such. I said I had, however this past week was very low. He said he knew and apologized, said he had to get things done, which meant he took time off for her. That hurts.

He said is in the process of applying for a new job that would be closer to his home. And if he got it he would give me back the cell phone, etc. It would start off with less pay and then it would go higher. His medical, dental and eye benefits would be better. I asked to be put on it and he actually agreed to that. He questioned why and I told him it would be a secondary insurance that would help me with bills.

He made mention that he saw someone in the grocery store and that this person told him that our MS was sick again. He wanted to know why I wasn't keeping him informed. I said because he wasn't calling me. He said that he was calling now.

I congratulated him and told him how proud I was. That it sounds like a wonderful opportunity but I wanted to meet with him in person to discuss this as it was such a big decision and I was his wife. He actually agreed and said he knew that.

So he is supposed to call me later and set up a time to meet on his way home.

What should I do?

We have to meet because he wants a letter from me to the food bank that he is giving me half his paycheck. This will help him with his electric bill.

How can he be ok with that? He has gone so low it amazes me and he is proud of it.

I just remembered that the last time we talked about our house and leaving the area he was going to stay at his job because it was a good job and he liked it. What happened to this?

I am just what iffing right now. I need to do this.

Could it be that he is struggling, not happy, broke and is still looking for that magic pill to make him happy. And again, this won't do it either, because it has to come from G-d and not anyone or anything else. Can I hope that this is G-d working in him and letting him run amok thinking that all these changes will make him happy and in the end, he is really no more happy.

How can he be ok with having to go to the food bank. Has he no pride. Help me understand again what is happening, please? Is this a good sign or bad?

Please help me get ready for this tonight. I want it to be a good thing for him to remember. Since he admited I was his wife, should I give him a Valentine's present?

I was thinking about what James said over on his thread about my WH testing me.

I mean on the one hand, here he is making a life changing decision and just calls to notify me. How flipping rude don't you think or am I just being silly.

However, instead of it pushing my buttons, I used it to Plan A him by saying how awesome, how proud I was of him and I couldn't wait to hear all about it.

How can I use this to the best of my advantage? What can I do that would blow his socks off about this horrible situation?

I am looking for any suggestions. I am going home to go change my clothes and put something nicer on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What Mimi said:


And I'll add:

Dress like a GODDESS...
Hand him a VD card...
Hand him the letter for the Food Bank...

THEN start talking about how excited you and the boys are looking for a new home.

DON'T let him play the poor me card... he's having to go to the Food Bank as a CONSEQUENCE of the choices he's making (I think I already said this once today to someone else).

FINALLY, let your LOVE for him shine through in your kind tone, voice and mannerism.

I checked with the lawyer, the papers aren't ready to be filed. He needs one more bit of information.

So, wouldn't this be premature? I want to be added to his insurance at the new place as his wife. I want to be added on those things where they matter and I am not sure I want to push his buttons right now.

Him doing this without forewarning is trying to push my buttons and get an attitude. Me coming across loving and proud of him has to be throwing him off.

I went home changed clothes, am dressed like a goddess. I have a VD card to hand to him and I was thinking of giving him a present that is a heart in a box and saying something about holding his heart in the box or he can hold my heart in that box and when he is ready to come home he can have the real one handed to him. something like that. What do you think

Queenie.... he NEEDS to know all of the things that Mimi mentioned. These are talking about your PLANS. He needs to know that you are thinking PAST him IF NECESSARY. I think the heart box is too much. What are you afraid of? As Bob P says, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

I'm actually excited for you that he's agreed to meet. Look at this as an answer to prayer. You're being given an openning, please use it wisely.

(((Queenie)))

Ok, I will use this wisely.

He hasn't called me, should I call him to find out what time we are meeting?

You need to tell him to his face that you are filing for legal separation. That is NO SECRET. There is nothing for you to fear. You still can ask to be on his insurance as long as you are his wife. Certainly the children can be on his insurance. A legal separation is not a divorce.

Forget the card and the box. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM.

About how much I love and miss him and want him to come home.

I don't have the Plan B letter ready. Also, if he is changing jobs, then he can mess with the money. Don't I want to protect myself from that and keep it a secret a little longer?

((((Queenie)))))

Do whatever Mimi and Pm tell you to do girl! They know, they've been there. You have a chance now.

He called YOU when he was in trouble Queenie, remember that.
This is setting you up for a powerful Plan B.

Keep us posted!!

EXACTLY!!


Say you are THINKING SERIOUSLY about getting a LEGAL SEPARATION if you have monetary concerns..but make sure that he knows that you are aimed at protecting yourself. You want to gain his RESPECT. You want to be STRONG..with no fear...I thought the LSA was imminent except for a bit of info.