It's right from the script.

Oh most definitely! ALL WSs are full of selfish entitlement.

If WS was in the dictionary, you're view above would probably be the definition. For sure.

Definitely a garden variety WS.

P.s. I updated just a little on the Valentine's day thread.

Hugs to ya!

Whew, I feel better. LOL

Ok, so my personal growth becomes my priority. What is my next step do you think?

Good!



Saturn Rising had a really good suggestion for me. She said to draw a circle and pretend like it's a pie. Make each slice of pie a different aspect of your life. Being careful to make the slices as big as what you are putting into them. For instance, when I first did mine, the biggest piece was focused on my marriage and my other pieces were too small. Look at all your pieces and see where there needs to be adjustment. Like kids, work, health, etc. It was eye opening to see that all the other aspects of my life were getting short changed and therefore needed balancing.

It's hard to do at first but it really puts things into perspective.

Ok, I'll try it.

I did this a while back and my marriage was the most important thing to me.

How is your headache

Hi Queenie-

Wow! Reading through your recent posts is so amazing-to see how much you have grown and how much you are leaning on God. Isn't it cool-and so opposite our human nature-the more we lean on Him and turn to Him for our strength-the more He blesses us with what we need.

So, four days off for me! Where and when do you want to meet on Sunday?

HI JT,

You mentioned Redmond Town Square. I am not sure how to get there, but I think that would be a great thing. We are supposed to have sunshine, right?

This was a huge day for me. D-day was 9 months, Valentine's Day without my H, and I faced one of the biggest fears in me. I went to the dentist and had a tooth pulled that has bothered me for years.

I was scared because I couldn't suck in the gas fast enough to not feel the emptiness inside. And I just talked to G-d in my mind and loved the feeling. It scared me though because I am such an addict. The dr. gave me pain pill prescription, but in my frame of mind I am too shaky to take them, so I called my sponsor and she told me to rip of the prescription, which I did. I took tylenol and got my butt to a meeting.

After 21 years, I am so still an addict and love that feeling of not feeling. Kinda gives me an example of what WH is doing, except I didn't go there and he did.

My mouth hurts, but I'll get through it, like I am with this. I don't see the growth, but I am grateful for you who do.

I love you all very much and wish you a peaceful night's rest. Talk to you tomorrow.

I'm glad Valentine's Day is over. I really only have two more important events to get through the first year.... My birthday and Passover.

Hi Queenie,

I can't see how you could have handled that in a better way. The fact that you confirm that you delivered the message in a strong confident but calm manner out a big smile on my face. He will not forget last night! Most of us here will remember it as well as the night that Queenie truly believed in her own strength.

As far as the LSA goes, IMO it's good that you didn't bring it up. Look at it like tsunami, you delivered the first wave last night, and the scared him. He's never seen one of these so he has no idea that there is another bigger stronger wave coming... is he on high enough ground? I don't think so.

HI TMTS,

I was just reading over on Jamesus post about what Schoolbuss wrote and it has me rethinking what I said to him. Was I loving eough, sympathetic enough to not meeting his EN's etc. And you know what. I don't buy it.

I love my H with all my heart, I am committed to my M and walking through with FAITH by turning it over to G-d. But I need some self-respect and I think that G-d wanted me to experience it with my WH as well.

I was compassionate, loving, caring, and open. But I held my head up high because it's the truth, G-d is creating me into what he wants me to be, and not me.

I realized that one other thing I said to WH last night, was if I were to die tomorrow I could face G-d with my head held high and pride in my heart because I have faced my past, am making amends and know that I am a good person. And that's the truth.

I miss him TMTS. I really miss him, but I understand that he is gone from my life today.

How are YOU doing? How is DW doing?

I know you miss his sweetie, and you have done more than what can be expected by anybody. You keep holding your head high because you deserve to.

I don't know James's story but I read School bus’s post and all I can say is that to try to exactly relate the two stitches, and question weather you did it perfect or not is futile. When you sit back in hindsight, you will always find things that you think you could have done different or better, because you didn't get the reaction you expected. You have no idea what he took from it. Remember a couple of weeks ago we were taking the same way and had all kinds of vets trying to tell us this. I see it now, and after talking to my DW about some of the Plan a moves, she confirmed that some of the things I second guessed did in fact have an effect on her.

As far as I'm concerned you did fantastic, and set up your LSA and Plan B perfectly. Add the new house, which you took care of procuring all on your own, and he will be a mess of self doubt.

I would be ready to put money down that he did not sleep well last night. The images of you moving on were making his wheels spin. Last night was the first step in him seeing that you will not wait forever. The next two steps will just cement this thought in his head.

One more thing, your worry about him being closer to her during the day. Look at the flip side to your thought. It is very much possible that the A is being held together because they have limited time together. Being in his face for more time than before can just help in getting the A come to an end.

I actually got more reaction than I EVER expected. But then again, he is a master at manipulating and controlling me and he could have just given me exactly what I wanted. He was certainly noticing me, the fact that I was asking so many questions about his job. He kept watching me write things down and his face made funny features. It would be a guess as to what he was thinking and I am not going there.

It was in his eyes. They kept doing weird things, flickering almost. I kept noticing that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I don't think I drove home enough that I am moving on without him, in fact I was concerned that he thinks I am just pining away for him and waiting for him to change his mind and come home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

What are the images of me moving on or not waiting forever? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It's funny, I keep thinking what Mark posted earlier about me not turning it over to G-d. And that isn't the truth. I have turned it over, I think I am grieving that in a way. I can totally second guess myself in everything, but the fact is, this is my H battle with G-d. It truly always was and I just was in the way stirring up the pot because I didn't know any different.

My H loves me, I know that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

He said at one point that the old him didn't exist anymore and that he lived a lie all his life, he tried to blame me, but he knew that he self imposed it, because that was the truth. I never wanted him to be anything or anyone, I just wanted to know who he WAS so I could love that one too. That was the truth too. My frustration and deep hurt is that he is this open, honest, truthful man with a crack ho who bumped into him and now shares his whole life. Well actually, no she doesn't. She doesn't share her life with our kids and probably that won't ever happen.

What I know is, this person is selfish, selfcentered and beyond destructive. Who my H ends up being is in G-ds hands, but I know without a doubt if the fog were to lift, then I would love whoever it was he became with G-d in his life. I hope that makes sense.

What this does or doesn't do isn't really for me to know because it's in G-ds hands plain and simple as I am. I love G-d with all my soul, with all my being, and just want to walk through this awful pain and time and see what blessings he has for me.

When it's G-ds timing, I want someone in my life that I can love with all my heart and be in a relationship that the foundation is from G-d, based on MB principles and one of a true G-d given partnership. I think that's ok to want, don't you. And hopefully there is someone out there for me, to share my life with. I hope its my H, but it's in G-ds hands.

There is a prayer that my rabbi wanted me to say many years ago, but I couldn't because I was living in a dry drunk. Today, G-d has changed me and continues to create me. I need to start saying this morning prayer because it's true and it's time I claim it.

The soul you have given me, Oh G-d is a pure one! You have created and formed it, breathed it into me, and within me YOu sustain it. So long as I have breath, therefore, I will give thanks to You, Oh Lord, my G-d and G-d of all ages, Master of all creatiion, Lord of every human spirit. Blessed is the Lord, in who hands ar the souls of all the living and the spirits of all the flesh.

The other one is the Ve'hafta You shall love the Lord your G-d with all your mind, with all your strength, with all your being. Set these words which I command you this day, upon your heart. Teach them faithfully to your children; speak of them in your house and on your way, when you lie down and when you rise up.

Bind them as a sign upon your hand; let them be a symbol before your eyes; inscribe them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Be mindful of all My mitzvot, and so them, so shall you consecrate them to yourselves to your G-d. I, the Lord am your G-d, who led you out of Egypt to be your G-d. I the Lord, am your G-d.

And with that I say amen.....

Orchid, Can I get a brush up on some reverse babble?

Picture it... he's in bed and all he can think about is the fact that you do not NEED him, yet you still WANT him. He imagines you doing the move with no help from him, see you going out with friends and having a good time without him, then he moves one to picturing you out with another man.

These are the kinds of images I am talking about. Now sit back and think about how conflicted he is now.

OT: I'm being LAZY today. I can't seem to get myself going...

I don't see how any part of out conversation would have created that.

I am really missing this, sorry.

LOL....

I think you are allowed a lazy day ....

But I bet you are still dressed like a Goddess.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nope..that's just it..I need to get dressed to go out..LAZY...

Need ideas where to go?

I was trying to talk myself out of exercising..

I was SUCCESSFUL...LOL at myself...

I have plenty of places I can go...too LAZY to work towards the FABULOCITY necessary to leave the crib...

LOL, You are so amazing.

What plans do you have for the weekend.

Are you still thinking that Plan B is a good thing for my sitch? Had to slip that in you know.

I'm feeling crappy with my mouth and hungry..... I miss my H and the attention he used to give me. I also found out that this place he is looking to work for isn't all it's cracked up to be. It could be a bad mistake and there isn't anything I can say is there?