I told you I'm always striving for PERFECTION..sigh..I have some projects around here..still haven't found the wreath for the door for one thing..time to replenish the candles..maybe make a lowfat dessert..DOMESTIC STUFF..my H works on the weekends and is not around much...he's always calling me on the phone, though..so there's lots of chatting...

Yes, PLAN B...

No, helping him out about the job is off limits and disrespectful, don't you think? You know better than him about what he needs to do? It would be different IF you were working together as a team. Let him have to rely on her for feedback...

You are correct it is disrespectful, that's why I never said anything but positive stuff. Which I meant with all my heart.

I am proud of him and think it could be a wonderful opportunity that he deserves. I just want to share it with him.

what's the benefit to that?

That's the point of PLAN B. Her advice will be poor and rotten. Let him see her for who she is..clueless..

Remember in order for him to be motivated to come home, end that relationship, he has TO SUFFER..so it would be good if the job is bad for him...

Being involved in an affair, especially an affair with someone like her is SELF-DESTRUCTIVE..he will make poor life decisions as long as he is living like this..

You don't want to RESCUE him from the SUFFERING and the PAIN..

I gotcha, it just seems that no matter how much chaos he is in he keeps going back for more.

Ok, whatcha got? Give us some WS lines and we'll give it a shot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

((((Queenie))))

Thinking about you and hoping you are OK....

I have had a tremendously rough night. A total meltdown in my alanon meeting and then again in my AA meeting.

I'm tired.

I am worried about you though, if you are reading this during the night and need someone to talk to, PLEASE call me. I am HERE FOR YOU......

So he leaves this email that he wants to get the letter for the food bank before Monday.

What should I do? Should I make him wait? He doesn't tell me if he took the job, he just tries to get what he wants.

Thoughts....

Hi Queenie,

You ok dear?

Going to the dentist last night was a very bad trigger, getting gas and not feeling for that 2 hours was NOT a good thing for me at all. I loved it and am really scared about my sobriety.

I'm hanging in there as best as I can, and just praying, going to meetings and talking.

I still see myself as the loser in all this and WH is the one living it up in a new life.

I'm scared for my sobriety... The gas and the prescription I had my hands on could have been the death of me because I was already planning on when I could take all the vicadin at once and not feel.

What was the deal with the food bank letter again?
I guess it comes down to enabling the A vs. helping your plan.

Living it up, going to the FOOD BANK? Sounds like lots of fun... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



That would be breaking a MAJOR PROMISE. I heard this.

Take control of your THINKING, Queenie. Let your THOUGHTS take charge and not your FEELINGS....because when the FEELINGS take over, you want to numb them out...

I don't believe in just LETTING GO of FEELINGS anymore...without the THOUGHT PROCESS being in charge...like telling yourself: "I am not going to have a TOTAL MELTDOWN..I am going to FIGHT IT..

He wants a letter saying that he is giving me half of his paycheck. So that he can get assistance for his electric bill. Can you believe how low he has gotten. How can he be proud of that?

Actually the letter in a way helps me. I was going to write that as of this day my WH is giving me half of his paycheck for spousal maintenance and child support. Should that change I will contact you immediately.

Which does two things. It gets it in writing that he is paying me spousal support and I want that documented for the lawyer and that he knows if he screws me over, I will tell the food bank and he will suffer the consequences.

It's maddening, that he doesn't keep me informed about his job, etc, just give me what I want.

He certainly seems proud of it.

It appals me to be honest.

I think that I have been stuffing my anger and its hitting a dangerous point where I don't know where to turn to release it and walk through it.

So I keep stuffing my feelings in the hopes that it will just disappear.

And he's gonna get even lower probably..

Like I was telling you earlier, self-destruction goes along with this...

We lived a well-to-do life, Queenie, and my H stooped so low as moving into the ghetto with her..he was SCARED at night..

He knew what he was doing was WRONG but he was ADDICTED. You UNDERSTAND, don't cha?

OH YES, I do.

The hard part is that it's not obvious like drinking or drugging and so my mind plays games with me. He is SO CONVINCING that he has his s... together and is working hard on this relationship to create trust, honesty and openeness. Wouldn't someone think you should have that in a relationship at the very start, not be working on it all the time? Oh that's right, they cheated and lied to be together. My mistake...:)

I get we need to work on me. I truly get it. I just am lost how to take that first step.

Probably CHEST OUT, HEAD UP, and announcing that after gaining 10 lbs in a little over week, I have finally lost that and hit the official 81 lbs.

He is the stupid one isn't he. What he is doing is wrong, isn't it? Being committed to a M is what G-d expects of us doesn't he and to figure out how to make it work.

Having an affair is just plain selfish and destructive and so hurtful. And he doesn't give a hoot.

Ok, I remember now. Have you consulted with your L on that matter. Just in case it affects anything with your LSA. IMO I would not give any lettre otherthan love notes without your L's approval.

I did contact the lawyer and he didn't respond. I can call my attorney tomorrow and see what he says, but he might be taking the weekend off.

Should I avoid WH?

It's best to DISREGARD ANYTHING THAT HE HAS SAID TO JUSTIFY THAT RELATIONSHIP...

It would be the same as if you came on here and tried to justify use of that VICODIN.

I agree with TMTS about avoiding him and giving him the letter. Let his electricity get cut off. He can come stay with you in the apartment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />