Glad to hear everything went well.

Prayers for a speedy and full recovery.

Mornin' gorgeous!

I'm so glad to see you are pulling through! I knew ya would!

chris' dancing link was HILARIOUS! What a goofball. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



Hip, hip, HOORAY!!!!!

Hope you are resting well and pain-free. You're still in our thoughts.



*sniffle**sniffle*

Fox

Just decided to do a drive-by check in. Thanks Eph, I'm certainly hoping for that full recovery. Expectation is that my range of motion will be about 20% reduced, which is not so bad. I'm really just hoping for a better quality of life, getting back into exercise, swimming, maybe even racquetball--who knows, we'll see.

Foxy lady, you guys inspire me to overcome DAILY. I think about all y'all every day; many times with a smile on my face. Even in the face of such adversity, we've all managed to slap a REAL smile back on our faces.

Had a couple of rough days, getting used to the MEGA stiffness that I'm currently experiencing, and some not-so-nice medication side effects (nausea, vomitting, sour stomach, among other lovelies). Mostly in the wee hours of the morning, when the food in my stomach has depleted.

I'm spending most of my day in bed today, not up and about, except to do my daily short walks and use the facilities.

PWC called just to talk. It was a nice surprise. HE was concerned because I had such a rough morning. Lifted my spirits quite a bit, too.

I'm, pretty much, in good spirits, just get discouraged from the meds. I believe the stiffness is all part of recovery, so that doesn't have me down. Hey, I'm able to walk and talk and laugh, albeit in a state of perpetual groginess.

Hope everybody has a good day!

Awesome. I'm smiling.

How long will you have to stay on the meds? That does sound like a downer. The rest sounds like par for the course.

I have about a 10 day course. I don't really know how long I'll be on them. The time between doses is now 8-10 hours. Hopefully, I'll just be using the muscle relaxers at bedtime after that. We'll see. One day at a time.

It's Alive! It's Alive!

with my spitting function being a bit more limited these days, my English Breakfast tea only made it to my lap, not the keyboard.

Hey SL, just checking in to make sure you're still taking it easy but to see how you're doing.

Thank you mvg, for checking up on me.

The physical recovery is going well. I'm up and about, pretty much all day now. No heavy lifting or anything, but dusting and a little rug sweeper.

Working against negative thoughts the past two days. I spend time with PWC, albeit around the house (I'm not quite ready for jet setting yet), and feel so disconnected from him. It's not because I'm not trying, or that he's not; it's that we're both missing that bullseye. He gives to me and I give to him. It's just not what either of us need most, IMO.

In my estimation, PWC is depressed. It still feels like he's encased in booth of thick lucite. I feel like I'm living with someone who carries around a secured bank window all the time. I can see him, and interact, but there's still so much distance.

I dunno; I get like this when I let myself focus on him. I know this, and am finding ways to counteract it, using positive reinforcment; ACCENTUATING the positive; ELIMINATING the negative. Negativity is pretty powerful.

PWC is really trying; I can see it, in how he approaches me. How he thinks ahead, about providing dinner for us, even thinking about what the leftovers can be used for. Asking me if I need anything, etc. and so on. Sometimes I answer that i need a hug, or a glass of water.

I want so badly for him to smile and be happy. That's his decision, really; not much I can do to open him up. He's got his own battles to fight.

I'm learning how to let his STUFF be his. It feels good NOT to be a know-it-all.

I choose to make the best of each day, even on the bad days.

I can't figure your H out.

Not that I'm supposed to be able to figure him out or anything...

But I'm wanting THIS so much for you...

I can't relate to what you are going through NOW...

Is he anything like he USED to be?

He is not how he used to be. HE used to laugh with ME. I am not articulating this well. He seems like a shell of his former self.

It has taken me a long time to begin to heal from what has happened, and work toward opening myself up, so I can understand him still working toward that. I can't understand the distance. I want to be his biggest ally, and instead, I feel like his enemy, who he keeps close. He puts off an air of STAY BACK, and I let it effect my actions.

I struggle. I want for him to be happy. HE may not believe that he can be; he may have convinced himself.

Maybe our marriage, for him, was too far in the toilet for him to come back from that. I dunno, Mimi.

I'm at a loss.

There are days when I don't want to continue, for it's like watching a small animal in a trap, struggling to get loose. I don't feel trapped. This has been a choice for me. I can't speak for him.

What were Jennifer's LAST WORDS on this?

Hi SL:
I can relate to the depression part. My H was very depressed while in WD. I suggested going to see a docotor and he did. He got his ADs and things started to improve dramatically from there. He took ADs for about 6 months and
waned himself. He is not taking them anymore, but his mind and body is much healthier than before.
Did you suggest him getting some ADs yet?
Without the help of lexapro, I can see my husband stuck just at the same spot as PVC, I think...
{{{hugs}}}

Snowy

Jennifer's last words were that she wanted to see if my actions would pull him closer. They have not. He DOES more around the house, but I don't feel closer at all. Jennifer actually sounded a bit baffled, too, and eluded to separation/Plan B again.

For me, if I separate again, it will be to D. I can't see continuing to fight for him as he is, if we separate.

Snowy, I'm positive that he is depressed, he's even said as much. I've suggested seeing my family practitioner, whom I love and my son loves. PWC knows her, but he hasn't been to ANY doctor or therapist about this issue.

I feel for you SL, and unfortunately can relate. Keep your chin up! Better days have got to be on the horizon!.

Yes, it is reasonable for me to talk openly with him. I have done as much. Talking about this again would just be refreshing him on the subject, but I can do that. I do get tired of repeating the same things.

I've asked for him to contribute to a Plan, as I have been following Jennifer's, but understand if he wants to go another route. I've told him that I feel that, in the absence of a plan, we are floundering.

The 15 hours was something I had begun to work on before the surgery was mentioned. Again, I'm not trying to shy away from some responsibility here, and recognize that this has been a problem area.

I spend time with him at home, but it's not doing anything for us. We need time ALONE. MY PLAN is to work on getting babysitting help from my dad, and backup babysitting from an outside source. I have spoken with my dad, who wants nothing more than for us to work out, so he's on board.

Now, I have to get better, physically, and then hope to spurn this plan into action. AS it is now, I don't do well out and about or running around for too long.

I have also shifted MY attitude, and have let the resentment go. If and WHEN I have a problem, I discuss it. I have changed a great deal during this last 8 months, for the better. PWC has told me that he sees this.

I'm not interested in staying together, but NOT truly recovering. That thought SCARES me.

I'm not kicking you, SL, because I know you have been limitied by your physical concerns.

But you have not done one of the BASICS of RECOVERY.

You and PWC can spend time at home ALONE. Can't your father regularly pick up your son on the weekends?

For awhile, I recommend for you to be COMPULSIVE about the doing the BASICS.

Check this out...

RECOVERY BASICS

I'm referring to RULE NUMBER THREE!!

I hear you Mimi, and, for the record, I didn't feel like your were kicking me, just prompting me to think, and that's a good thing.

You are right about THE RULE OF TIME, as LG has been too. According to the good Doctor H, this TIME doesn't have to be in a certain place or certain time-space, just UNDIVIDED and filling the LB with EN's being met. In truth, we HAVE been doing a lot of movie watching together, and conversations, with me LEARNING to better listen and hear PWC. I used to be thinking of a response WHILE he was talking; I have cut this tremendously and still work on it now.

It's not 15 hours, and I would like for more of our time to be spent either ALONE in the house or OUT. I will ask PWC what he would prefer, just in terms of WHERE he would like to spend our 'free' time.

I do feel like we are getting better, but I don't feel intimate or closer. Maybe I'm asking too much right now, and employing the Rule of Time will help us tremendously. Part of my PLAN is to also hug and kiss much more often. I actively seek him out every morning now, to give him a kiss. It's actually hard to do, with him being taller, since I can't bend my neck backwards, but he responds by leaning forward a bit, to meet me.

When I can turn my head a bit more, the hugging will commence. I will also be reaching out for his hand when we are walking together. I don't give a hoot how alien it might feel at first. TOUCH is very important to me, so I need to evidence that myself.

I say don't even think about giving up on RECOVERY until you do ALL of the parts of the RECOVERY PLAN..I mean ALL...

Don't downplay the importance of ALL the ingredients...

Looking back...that UNDIVIDED TIME..for 15 HOURS is ESSENTIAL...

You can orchestrate it on your own, SL...

He might even like that...

Go ahead and schedule some time for your father or someone to babysit...

You have been SLACK about this for some reason, haven't you, SL?

I'm trying to figure out why. Initially, it would be because I EXPECTED him to do the heavy lifting and left this to HIM. I then, on and off, made plans for us, or asked him what he wanted to do. When we did what he wanted, it was usually at his place of business, which was a HUGE trigger, early on, so I know I was turned off by that.

Also, the lack of touch, of talk and intimacy has been a HUGE struggle for me. I would allow that to become an excuse to withdraw from him, and be angry and resentful. This, to me, was a HUGE slap in my face after all I had endured. It had become my most important EN, probably due to neglect of it, and my intrinsic need for affection and conversation.

Lately, it's just been my malady keeping me at bay. My MIND is RACING with ideas. I want to take a weekend trip to some local city, good hotel and good night life. I also want to plan a long weekend this summer (dont' have much vacation time, now that I've taken most of it for this recovery period). I've been looking online for intersting spots. WE need something more local, due to finances (also taking a hit due to surgery and time off, POOP!!!)

WE NEED this time. I also want to get back into playing cards together some evenings.

I recognize that I have to lead this thing, and have FINALLY begun to come to terms with this whole thing. I had been reading about others' recoveries and it discouraged me, for both parties were working the Harley plans and SEEMED to be moving forward together, and becoming more intimate, in a shorter order. It's been a tough sell for me to continue on.

PWC does suffer from anxiety, and is a pessimist. Always has been. I've always accepted that he is who he is, but this has now become an antagonist to recovery. I am a CUP IS HALF FULL kinda gal, but that would lead me to sugar coat and protect HIM in the past, codependency at it's best. I didn't want him to hurt. I was also a knowitall because of this. YUCK!

I've learned a lot from him in the past 8 months, believe it or not. He has told me countless times that I don't have to and SHOULDN'T do it ALL. He has been so helpful in reminding me of this during my surgical recovery. And in our marital recovery, he's told me, in one way or another, to be self indulgent, to care about me; initially, I saw it as him pushing me away; now when he says that, I hear the care in his voice.