Nope didn't bore me at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Just keep on keeping on for you, if PWC goes along for the ride then great, if not you have become a better person.

Well, that's good SC. I would hate to put people to sleep.

I hope that you at least feel a little bit better. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. My H is what i would call a "functioning" alcoholic too but he does at least desire intimacy. I do not know how you are keeping going.

But i think you are doing great on your personal recovery so just keep it up.

SC, I've come VERY close on a number of occassions to calling it quits and walking away. I have been completely baffled as to why NOTHING I did was drawing PWC in. Anything I had read on here showed WS acting differently than PWC. IT has been very frustrating, to say the least.

I know that avoidance is a major method of his, and it has hurt me in many ways. I've wanted his support in OUR efforts to save this M all along. He has NEVER been forced into any of this. He knew about MB, and how to go about getting help. Some days, I honestly feel like I was DUPED into letting him come home. He followed thru just long enough that I then felt like i just had to lead things, and he would eventually catch up.

Outside of financial reasons and being with his son, I don't know WHY he left Aimless and came home. HE had a place to live, a woman to keep him company, plenty of time to prowl and have fun, and time with his son. At times, I've felt like I'm being punished for something.

The truth is, I allowed it all to happen. That's a tough pill to swallow.

SL please do NOT ever beat yourself up for wanting to save your marriage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />. And even though it seems like he is not pulling any weight (well maybe more than seems like). He did come back and has chose to stay there so that HAS to mean something. Even if it is just his comfort zone it still has to mean something because like you said no one FORCED him to come back.

I do not know what it means but i think it does mean something good.

((((SL))))))

So sorry. This must be agonizing. I agree with SC though, he's there. Are you sure of NC with OP?

I'm just afraid that when he finally does come around, you might not be there.

I'm as sure as I can be about NC.


I suppose it's nice to have a comfort zone. I used to feel that way about our home with him in it. Now, I don't feel comforted at all. I feel confused; sometimes ashamed, sometimes angry/resentful, and sometimes just sad. I have more good days than bad, actually, most days are good, just interlaced with bad feelings here and there. I've learned to work thru things as they come.

I'm not really beating myself up as much as realizing how much a part of the dance I am.

Silent....

Killed an excellent post to you by hittin the wrong key...

PWC is dancing to his own Bottle now. Maybe only on the weekends, but the weekdays will start to fill up as well.

That's PWC's to own.

You know the problem now. And that is the BIG first step in correcting it.

You came to MB and found out that the crazy box of infidelity wasn't you. Al-Anon will help you with your's and PWC's FOO issues.


And DS will be okay. Your worried about what might happen to him....No control for you on that. But your new knowledge and self-awareness will go a long way in breaking the cycle.....

(((S/L)))

LG

PS: We got a Bug-Bomb earlier today, maybe we can squeeze LilSis out of the ice tray as well....

Thanks LG!

I can't predict the future, so I'm gonna leave that alone. I can only say that I'm going to do all that I can, that is within my power .

It's good to hear from Bugsy. If Sis isn't here, it probably means that she is moving forward. That's a good thing.

Thanks, Mimi...I actually like that idea...I feel I already have a lot on my plate.... even though it is hard to see my boys and WS wanting a R, particularly DS17, but can't seem to 'connect'....it's very 'adversarial'...

....uhmmm..... I may not be an ACOA....but I may have the same issues... my childhood was cut short when circumstances made it that I was assigned somewhat of a role of 'caretaker' ..and 'fixer' early on.... even today I find myself 'protecting' my parents.... it's a heavy load to carry sometimes.....



SL, thanks for the report, and I am glad you are feeling better.

....it's hard work hard to learn to 'bud out', when given the role of 'caretaker' too early, it seems to sticks for a longtime....

I think you're initiative to go out there and get as much as INFORMATION as possible is just great...I find it's a healthy way to find EMPOWERMENT!

About your ALANON LEADER you said:



WOW..me, too..I was just speaking to you about this today..using that SAME WORD..WOW...

I'm soooo glad you went.

What a BLESSING for YOU and YOUR SON...

I don't think you could expect ANY different..with your son being in the midst of adolescence AND his Dad having AN AFFAIR...

SL,

Just dropped by to say hello and hoping you had a good evening. Also have a good day today. THe wether here is pretty crappy hope yours is a little better. Have a good day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Morning, SC! The weather here is ICY, so my commute this morning was FUN FUN FUN!

I had a good evening. I watched to movie "Blood Diamond". I've had it for a long time and just never got around to watching it. It was VERY painful to watch, and moving, so I cried a lot. It's one thing to watch a grown man or woman being tortured or maimed, but to watch it happen to a child, knowing that it REALLY happened, is heart wrenching. I felt like somebody reached into my chest and squoze my heart. Obviously, I was really affected by the movie.

If I was in the market for diamonds, conflict free would definitely be the way to go, but who really knows what you're getting.

Luna, I would find it ODD if your sons didn't have major issues trying to have a relationship with their dad. Boys LOVE their mothers, and, at a certain point, probably feel like their protectors. Seeing you is so much pain can't be erased from their minds, I'm almost positive ( I can't be fully positive, but I know how I felt when my mom was in pain; it was very difficult--and OF COURSE I WANTED TO FIX IT).

Mimi, I've come to find, in review, that I'm a fixer. I want to make it ALL GOOD for everybody. I want no suffering. Well, I DIDN'T want others to suffer. My ways are a little different now. Hopefully, I can turn this around.

Mimi, I've come to find, in review, that I'm a fixer. I want to make it ALL GOOD for everybody. I want no suffering. Well, I DIDN'T want others to suffer. My ways are a little different now. Hopefully, I can turn this around.

I'm glad YOU realized it! And I'm NOT even going to ask about Well, I DIDN'T want others to suffer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Take Care SL!

I would see someone in a struggle or in NEED (or even WANT) of something, and jump in to help, even if helping meant that they didn't learn their lesson or didn't suffer the consequences of the choices that got them there in the first place

The GOOD NEWS about being ACOA is our GIFT at being INSIGHTFUL..


This has been one of the MAJOR PROBLEMS with MY PARENTING...I continue to struggle with this with them... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

And what you said to Luna about her boys..RIGHT ON TARGET...

Hi Mimi and SL,





It's what I thought all along... which is why I am not 'interfering' in any way .... but WS thinks I am! ...because he EXPECTS me to 'convince' DS17 to stay over at his place... so he can be allowed to play DAD.... and why I am working hard at not needing THEM to PROTECT me or FIX me! Let them focus on themselves and their needs ....but...being boys...I am pretty sure both of them are doing some...protecting...

I think it's true that the children will continue LOVING a parent no matter what....but I think, at a certain age, they will have similar issues as BS: trust and respect....

Anyway..PLAN B helps me in these situations.... it FORCES the FIXER in me to let WS deal with his choices/consequences.... and I don't think OW can be THAT helpful with HIS boys!


SL....the biggest problem I see with being a FIXER, seeing that I think I am one, too....is not only to stop the FIXING....but, learning to focus on ourselves takes a little getting used to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

...I am actually liking this 'tune' more and more.... taking care of myself while letting others take care of themselves... simple but not easy!

Sorry for the threadjacking, SL... but I hadn't thought about how alcoholism (FIL's) may have affected WS by being an ACOA (an in turn our M).... if so, HE needs to get the help HE needs... until I saw your taking initiatives about it on your thread.

Thanks, SL...for helping....OTHERS....LOL! (but you're not FIXING me....I promise!)

Hi Mimi and SL,


...yep...right on target...

...to the point where I remember one incident DS17 telling ME: Mom...it's OK...it's MY problem...I will take care of it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

...if before I would insist, now I apologize and only OFFER to help! ...habits ARE hard to break....

...and I will give you one guess for what kind of line of work I am in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ...so I am getting a lot of practice at trying to OFFER help rather than FIX problems!

Sorry again for the t/j, SL.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> ...it is after all, YOUR thread!

No need to apologize ,Luna, t/j away. I like when conversations get started; I learn along the way.