I guess I know how you all feel but I see no other options.

well, how about YOU leave then and go home without either child. Since you are beign a whining baby about this and putting your kids in harms way to ease YOUR path, you are an unfit father anyway. You keep saying you see no other choices even though you have quite a few right here on this thread.
You sir are not a good father.

Listen here I am a great father. I dont like you saying that to me, why has this turned into an attack on me when I come here to get help in this hopeless situation.
The woman I love has left me no options and I feel this is the only option I have.
Maybe I am not handling this real well but it is tearing me apart.And I dont need you self rightous know it alls telling me I am whining baby and a bad father.
To all the know it alls how do I get my wife to love me again and want to try and save this marriage when she says she dose not want to.

You see other options. They're being thrown at you left and right.

You aren't being forced to do anything, you are making a CHOICE. Much like your wife choosing to cheat on you. She undoubtedly has all kinds of justifications to make her actions seem right. How do you feel about that?

Its your life, you're the one that is going to have to wake up and look at yourself and your children (child?) every day. Your life in many ways will be defined by the decisions you make regarding this. I suspect you may not be mature enough for any advice to reach you. I hope I'm wrong for your children's sake.

As to a plan that might save your marriage, that is something this site can help you with. That is probably the plan you need to be persuing, that is a respectable plan and something to be commended.

Pottsy:

You are in a tough situation now, no doubt. Realize that there is NOTHING you can do to MAKE her love you.

BE the person that is worth loving, worth spending time with, is a good person and good father, and YOU WIN no matter what she decides.

I know this is not the answer you want, but we all have free will. If you try to force her, you will only drive her off.

Continue to post but be prepared for tough advice.

I am not calling you a bad father because of your wife...I am saying that because of your willingness (not desire as i know you DESIRE to have your wife love you again) to separate your children. Only a bad father would be willing to divide his children like that.
As far as making your wife love you again...you can't. You can do your best to put pressure on her affair and better yourself. What happens after that is her choice. But what happens with your children is being dictated by two people right now that are both only thinking about their selfish needs and not the children.
I will repeat...if you are willing to divide your children, you are a bad father. Don't let that happen Pottsy. Your kids deserve more from their father.

pottsy, you are willing to cause your children untold psychological damage just so you won't be "miserable." Help me understand how it is being a good father to sacrifice your childrens best interest in pursuit of your own happiness?

What can I say.I am damned if I do and damed if I dont

spoken like a great father. what a shame your kids wound up with a mom that lays around on her back and a dad without a backbone.
you both should be ashamed of yourselves.

Potsy,

I stayed in this gawd-forsaken chithole I live in, sacrificing my career, with no parents as support, in a place surounded by drunken fools so my DD could grow up close to her Dad.

Now all these years later, my DD is happy, thriving close to her Dad...and I can finally move.

We ALL won, especially DD. Now I can pursue something more for myself.

It's the only way, once you have children, until they are grown, their best interest comes first.

A lady I work with split her kids up, one with dad, one with her and let me tell you the one left with the Dad has serious emotional problems. It was a HUGE mistake.

Stay here, fight for your marriage and your childrens right to be raised together with access to both parents.

Get up off the ground and fight. Victim mentality will get you nowhere but further vicimized.

We all had to make that choice in the beginning of our sitch's, and the ones who got up and fought, who didn't run away, became the victors.

Personally, I even believe Pottsy could take both kids back to Denmark if his wife remains wayward. I don't believe kids need to have a wayward parent in their life(as i believe waywards are unfit guardians). Their mom could always follow later. But the most horrible plan of all is to divide these children. I am just shocked that is being considered.

Listen here you!!!! I dont need you making judgements on me.I am sick of this.In my opinion this is the best option for me and my son.****edit*******

pottsy, are you seeing a psychiatrist? Sometimes things seem so black that we just can't see the way out. My shrink helped me a great deal and prescribed meds to smooth the way back to functioning.

I'm wondering whether you have some chemical or hormonal imbalance that could be addressed with medication. You sound so hopeless. People sometimes need prescribed medication to get them through.

If you were using pot, you were self-medicating. Not a good thing. Your body may need something to help your mind to cope.

Please respond.

*******willing to use his child to ease his pain and now wants to lash out at me over a keyboard...have at it Pottsy. ******EDIT*********

if you want to lash out at me in anger, I really don't care....but really stop and think if it is right for you to use your son to help your transition...

can you actually say that it is the best things for the kids...assuming you and your wife split...to divide them? Best for the kids Pottsy? If so, what is your reasoning that makes this best for them? Or can you admit that it is purely to ease your burden?

I agree with this wholeheartedly. You could be right about the other, I don't know. I gave my DD's dad an opportunity to rise to the occasion of being a Dad. If he didn't rise to that occasion I most certainly would have left this area and taken her.

A bad dad is worse than no dad at all, but I would have made t my life's mission to find her a replacement dad in that case, who was a great dad to her. I knew my ex was a good guy and would find that goodness inside himself again, and he did.

Believe me MEDC, I struggled terribly over the decision I made years ago. I would have left in the middle of the night when she was a baby rather than have her be damaged by a bad dad. I can't even tell you the stuff I pulled to get him to bond with her when he was a popular musician and not really wanting a baby. BUT IT WORKED.

Staying and fighting for the marriage is a good start for Potsy, not running away.

************EDIT**********

Recognizing wrong behavior as such is not a judgement. It isn't our fault you are where you are. The strong unanimous reaction to your plan of separating your children should be a big red flag to you that perhaps what you're thinking really is WRONG.

There's help for you here, but you aren't going to get coddled and pitied for choosing to screw up your children's lives to seek your own easy way out. When you want to step up and act like an adult and start doing the things that might help you, then you'll get help. If you are going to tuck your tail and run and risk your children in the process, you'll get the reaction you deserve.

anybody else here have the urge to say..

"sit on it Pottsy."