Pottsy... Good! You're getting mad. Now take that anger and turn it around into a fight for your children. You've lived where you are up until now, right? So what if your wife chooses to carry on for now. Running away sure won't help the marriage. Why WOULD she come back at this point? Make yourself attractive by standing up like a man and a father for your children. At least give yourself a deadline. Try it for six months. What do you have to lose that you're not already going to lose if you run away? And what a benefit to your children if you stay!

BTW thanks for all the great advice.Personal attacks remind me to come back here and keep posting.

Agreed.

I admire you for what you have done and that you stuck it out. I have done so for 5 years now and my boys mom has not risen to the occasion...I am looking for a new place for us to live and have his blessing.

You came here for help.

Take the hand, or bite it.

Good. I pray that you will find a loving, fun and stable woman so that your son does not develop trust issues with women, and so he can see what two happy, emotionally healthy adults in a marriage look like. But lacking that, a great dad is a wonderful, priceless, irreplaceable blessing to any child. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This reminds me so much of that very old and wise story about King Soloman(a very wise king).

It seems that 2 women came before the good king to decide a horrible issue before them.
The 2 women came before the king both insisting that they were the true mother of the child that was presented before the king.
There was no evidence for the king to judge who was the real mother and so, he was faced with the dilemma of making a judgment for one or the other.

The king proposed the only solution he had at hand. " I will have my guard split the child in half with his axe and each shall own half of the(dead) child. The first woman thought this was a fair and equitable solution. The second woman protested and said "no, do not destroy the child over our dispute."

She then relinquished her right to the child in the best interest of her child.

The wise old king, having then witnessed the true love and sacrifice of a real mother, awarded the child to the second woman, knowing that only a true mother's love would sacrifice all for the sake of her child.

Pottsy, you remind me so much of woman #1. Willing to divide your C in an effort, by your own words, to make your WW miss the child and turn away from her OM.

Shame on you for even thinking of sacrificing your childrens happiness for your own selfish motives.

That's all I have to say, and will not debate or respond to you any further.

Good luck, you have just begun a journey fraught with evil and selfish intentions.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Pottsy:

You state that you have "No support group" in Denmark.

Does this mean that you know how to score grass in Australia better than in Denmark?

Look. You have been on this site for less than 2 weeks.

Your WW's affair has gone on for longer than that.

Your making a deal with the devil, and in that deal, only harm will ultimatly come from it.

Give your self 6 months to fix this. YOU might not save the marriage, but maybe you can save a family. Maybe you can keep you kids together.

Have your mother fly in from Australia to watch the kids and give you some moral support.

Even a sister or brother. Somebody who can be on your side.

And then after a period of time, and some clear-er headed thinking, you can decide to bring the kids (yes, KIDS) back to Australia with you.

A plane flight for Mom, Bro or sis can cost alot less than shipping out with ONE kid.

ANd you just might find out that not hitting the pot anymore, standing up and fighting for your W, Standing up and fightinf for your children, and improving your outlook in regards to the job market and your skills, you CAN save this marriage. And attract your W back.

You have a 10 year marriage your ready to throw away after 3 weeks of really starting to engage in fighting for it.

Give it 6 months. That's five percent of your marriage. Isn't it worth THAT much?

LG

This has been happening for 4 months now and I am sick to death of it.
And in regard to the pot I am off that crap so dont throw that at me.I know what is morally right but I am torn.

And in these past four months, what has been your plan?

To try and fix this with trying to implement plan A

How has your Plan A been, and exactly how long have you been in it?

What about the exposure part of Plan A?

So you're willing to give up a 10-year marriage after only four months? You haven't answered. Could you not hang on for at least six months?

As hard as it is for you to do, you need to take a stand.

1) You TELL your wife that you are not going anywhere and neither are either of the children. You TELL her that you and the children will be staying in the house and that if anybody is leaving it will be HER. You don't beg. You don't plead. You don't bargain. You TELL her that this is how it's going to be.

2) Expose this affair to anybody that can HELP end the affair. This means the OM wife or gf. This means your wife's employer.

3) Go see an attorney and make sure you protect yourself and your kids in case she tries to take the kids from you.

4) STOP thinking about/agreeing to split the kids. I don't care how much you are hurting right now...that is the absolutely most selfish thing I've ever heard on this board...and this board is full of WS in the selfish mindset...but what you are proposing to do is FAAAAR worse than anything a WS would do. It is just plain WRONG.

Man up. Do the RIGHT thing, whether it feels good or not. The RIGHT thing is to keep the children together, however that has to happen (whether they stay together with you or with your wife). I truly cannot even fathom thinking that this would be okay in ANY situation. Ever.

During those 4 months did you even know about Plan A?

Have you studied it? Do you really know how to implement an effective Plan A? There are "experts" here on this board that can coach you through it.

If you are just now learning about Plan A, then what you have been doing these last 4 months was probably not an EFFECTIVE Plan A.

Learn from the vets here. There were many times that they would tell me something, and I would say to myself, "Yes, but." Yes, but my situation is different for some reason or another. In the end, they were ALWAYS right. Always!

I was told to stick with the plan, regardless of my feelings. Expect that sometimes you won't FEEL like doing the Plan. Follow it anyway.

Your children deserve their parents living together, loving each other. IF that is possible (and I know right now you probably feel it is not), aren't your children worth 6 months of trying. Do the work. Why? Because regardless of how it all works out in the end, you'll be able to look your children in the eyes and tell them YOU did EVERYTHING you could to fight for their family.

I understand your pain, I really do. But now is the time to be the only grown up in the family. Step up, walk the narrow path, knowing that you will have to look them in the eyes one day and be accountable for your choices, too.

And PLEASE, PLEASE do NOT separate them. This is NOT a judgement. I have 5 children. They NEEDED each other these last 6 months. You children may have to live with losing their mother; but they shouldn't have the grief of losing each other, too. NO WAY! THIS IS something you can control. FIGHT FOR WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM. Prove youself the father they deserve (and the father I know you want to be). Don't doubt yourself. You can do this.

Pottsy, I looked for a response to my post about medication prescribed by a physician, if you answered I think i missed it.

What are you using now to cope? (Besides the Boards, which I know aren't giving you what you WANT; but what you NEED.)

Prayer? A counselor? TV? Church? Because it sure is hard to get through an affair without something or Someone to lean on.

How do you define Plan A? Being pleasant, generous, fixing coffee for her in the morning? Those are all elements, but there are important elements missing. Exposure is the biggest element.

Affairs are like fungus. They thrive in darkness, surrounded by dirt. Shine constant bright light on them and they shrivel up and die. Sunlight & exposure. The fantasy dies, and so does the affair.

You know we are right, else why do you come here and argue with us? Do you think anyone here will say "Way to go, pottsy, take the kid you like the best back to Australia. Take the easiest kid with you. Your feelings are more important than their feelings."

Nobody worth their salt will suport that action.

Well I guess I am done here my flight is booked for 6/12 I have tried!!!.The wife tells me she know longer wants me around so off I go with my son in tow.If that makes me a bad father I guess you are all entitled to your opinion but I know in my heart I am a great father.
Please believe me when I say this I begged and pleaded with her not to break this family up but it seems as though it goes in one ear and straight out the other.
I know I will give my son a great life with me.It seems to me its the only option I have left in this bad situation.I also know there are going to be some emotional issues with my son as he grows but I will do my best to help him through this.

Make sure your legal rights to your son are firm. Secure custody legally. Get to where you are safe.

Any mother that will relinquish her child, for no good reason is sane.

I went back and read a few of your last posts. You sound emotionally spent. Wouldn't you prefer to be stronger before you split up your family? Wouldn't you want to know you have done all you can for yourself and your family before you walk away? Splitting up a family is not wise. Keep your children together, fight for your family. 4 months seems long but it isn't wise to make life changing decisions while your mind and heart are not in sync.

I know you may feel like people are attacking you. They are not. They are giving you straight talk so you can get a clear mind, then work on getting a calm heart so you can deal with this mess.

Who do you have in your immediate vicinity that can help you? Is there a good MC or friend that can provide emotional support for you? Work with them.

Remember this isn't only about you. It is about your children as well.

take care,
L.

No Orchid...PEOPLE ARE ATTACKING HIM. He is ********* dividing his children and taking one to another country to ease his pain. Now his children will grow up separately so that he doesn't feel too bad.
This has to be the most selfish person I have seen in my time on these boards...and I am talking about a BS.
So, off he goes with his son in tow...leaving his daugher behind.
Any father that would agree to separate his children is a bad person imho.

Thanks for all your constructive input mkeverydaycnt

it's honest. you are destroying your kids future and you want constructive? you were given that and you still choose to separate them.
Only a bad father would agree to divide his children. Selfish and cruel are not words that a person should be able to use in regards to how someone deals with his children. But in this case, it fits perfectly.