Hello Everyone, I pray that you all are doing well. As you know I am in the process of divorce. I've always had dreams of marriage and goals set for my household. Of course, every dream that I ever had was shattered by my husband. We had discussed and planned to get our own home to raise our family. Things have not worked out. It hurts so bad to have planned my life around my marriage and then just watch my dreams disappear! We have not had children together so that's one dream that did not come true. I know that in the future, I will find the right man that God has for me and we will get married. As we all know, none of us are getting any younger and I would like to be able to enjoy what life I do have left. My concern is that I need some advice. Right now I am living with some family members because of the situation. Once getting married my husband have not worked, he do not have money and he have never tried to take care of things like a husband should. I have always been the one who went out to work. Anyway, I discussed with my family that I still want to try to make some of my dreams become a reality that I had for my marriage. I mentioned that I would still like to move out and get my own place and begin to prepare for my future. Like I said, I know that one day I will finally be able to start my family with the man of my dreams! My family seem to feel that since I'm getting a divorce and will be single again, it's no need to move out just stay there. I appreciate the concern and offering me a place to stay. However, I still want to get my own place and that will be one goal accomplished. Right now I feel that I have failed in marriage and I just want to do this to make me happy. My husband and myself had discussed how we would decorate the house, what type of furniture we would have, how we would set up the kitchen, etc. I was very excited about this! I still want this for myself! I need advice. Do you all feel that I should just continue staying with my family or should I go ahead and accomplish my dream? They really do not want me to move out. I feel that they are very concerned about what I have been through with my husband and perhaps they want to do what they can to protect me. My family know about everything that went on between me and my husband. A couple of times, he actually mistreated me in front of them. However, since going through this, for some reason I feel like I need to get off to myself for a while and find myself again. I don't understand the feeling that I am having but for some reason I just want to focus on my life and see where should I go from here. I have been in bondage to an abusive, unfaithful husband for 4 years and it's like since I am divorcing him, I am looking at my life differently and I want to start over on my own. Do anyone understand what I am trying to say? Any advice would help. Please answer my questions. I am just standing not knowing which direction to take next. I have never had such a confused mind. It is actually scary at times. It's hard for me to really make decisions without feeling confused.

What you're feeling is very understandable. If you're in a financial position to be out on your own, there's nothing wrong with doing that. You can still continue to spend plenty of time with your family. Taking care of yourself will help you heal. After an abusive relationship it's very important to rebuild your self-esteem, and taking care of yourself is an important part of that. Explain that to your family; they'll understand.

I was in a very similar situation and I was divorced two years ago. The only difference is that mine only lasted 14 months. Thank God! And it was still hard. I moved back in with my parents because they offered and they really wanted me to move back in. At that time I didn't feel like being alone and I needed to like cat said, "rebuild my self-esteem". I needed to be around family at that time because they helped me get through the very very tough days.

Recently I have found myself having your same thoughts of being on my own and developing my own life. I never had kids in my marriage either and felt devastated when my ended b/c just like yourself, we had made plans for the future and house and children----the whole nine yards.

Now I am ready to move out of my family's home with counseling and trying to identify my boundaries and stick to them. You will know when you are ready...nothing will sway your mind and you won't be confused when you are ready. It will all seem so clear. Let your family be there for you, it will benefit you in the long run IMO.

Mine helped me to get through much confusion and heartbreak. Yes, you still will long for the future plans that you and X had made, I find myself sometimes still doing that also, then I literally have to tell myself "STOP." Focus on you...God will do the rest...Ask Him for guidance...He will give it to you...

as much as i love my parents i don't think i could ever move back in with them after a divorce

maybe thats another difference between the stereotypical male and female?