Hello,
I posted about a little over a week ago. Since then husband was home this weekend to see our son. It went well, but it is hard on all of us, for any of you who read the post my husband is living out of state and has a girlfriend. I of course and our children would love to have the person we used to know back. Anyway oldest son came over today and asked about his dad and wanted to know what he said. I take that as a sign that he does still care. He says he doesn't have a dad anymore, and that he will never forgive him. I told him he had to for me. He says I only have a Mom now. What do you do about that? He will not answer his phone calls and he has even told our grandson he abandoned us and that he was a traitor. I am watching our grandson this week so I asked him if he would like to call his Pop pop, he said yes and so we called him and he talked to him. For the first time in 6 months. My H was so thrilled and said thank you so very much for doing that. It is hard, hope the fog does lift one day. Thanks for listening

Did your son give his permission to call Grandpa? Your son is having a very normal reaction. Your H is being disgusting so I can understand why your son would want nothing to do with him. Your son is right.

I agree with your son on this: his father is being a traitor. The adulteress ('girlfriend'?) is attacking your marriage/family from the outside, but your WH is a traitor, shamefully destroying the marriage and family it was HIS duty to protect from invasion/destruction.

I think it was very unwise of you to arrange a phone conversation between your grandson and your WH, without your son's permission?!? No doubt your WH was pleased enough to thank you for that. But have you considered what your son's response will be? Don't be surprised if your son thinks twice before allowing your grandson to come visit you next time...

I agree that your son is right...I honestly don't think it is fair of you to tell your son that he has to forgive his dad over this "for you"...I think that is denying reality and putting your son in a very difficult spot...How can he forgive something that is still being done? Your husband is still committing adultery, and I don't think your son should forgive that...Your husband is actively destroying his son's family...That is WRONG and you should be very thankful that you have a son that sees that...

I'd also like to know if your son gave permission for you to call and allow his son to talk to "pop pop"...You are sending conflicting messages to your grandson and I think it is very likely that your son will not appreciate that, and rightly so...

Mrs. W

I was so proud of my 13dd who was brave enough to stand up to her father by refusing to visit him. She knew what was right and stood for truth, no matter what it cost her.

My other children were willing to accept whatever part of daddy they could get. I don't fault them at all for that. But I see my daughter as a pillar of strength, when her whole world was crashed beneath her. (She and her dad were very close).

My FWH said dd was a huge part of him becoming broken.

They need to come face to face with their consequences. They destroy more than just the marriage relationship.

Gosh, I guess I messed up. I guess too that is what my problem is trying to control situations I have no control over. I have been working on that alot but didn't think this one through. Just GS asks me about him and I don't know what to say. It is hard because I am trying to not be the bad guy here. I do understand that what he is doing is wrong, believe me. Will not make the mistake again of doing anything without permission. Allow me this one as this is new to me too. Thanks for the advice.

Also just to confirm, my son said today I needed to get a divorce and be done with him. I should not let him walk all over me, he is sleeping with another woman and that will never be okay. What I told him was that after 36 years of being together it is very hard to just stop loving someone. He said no it is not, he was done. I asked him, if he came back and asked for forgiveness he would have to do that for me. Only so I didn't have to fight that battle too. I did not mean he had to do it now. I do realize he doesn't have to do it at all, just that people should be able to be forgiven for things they have done, I do know that it would take work, but I also know my son loves his dad dearly and that this is hurting him much more than he will admit.

Well, that is between your son and your H. He should not forgive your H FOR YOU, but for HIM. Your H has to EARN forgiveness, it is not an entitlement. You should not forgive your H until and if he EARNS it.

How old is your grandson? If is over 4, I would suggest he can comprehend the truth about his grandfather and should be told where he is. If he is old enough to understand the concept of adultery, he should be told that his G-Pa is off having an adulterous affair with some skank. Kids can deal with the truth, they can't deal with lies. That boy should not be lied to in order to cover up for your H adultery.

Your son should be applauded for having the courage to take a stand against your H's sleazy behavior. He is a good boy.