I've tried for the last 11 months to get that spark back with my WW. She says after 24 years, she doesn't love me. Is out with the OM all the time and now is dating every guy that comes down the pike. Her divorce demands are absurb and is making this really tough on me.
All the books I've read have said that 9 times out of 10, your WW will come back to you. I'm guess I'm that 10th one where is doesn't work out. So what gives ?
Michael

Have you exposed her As?

BTW - by leaving your home, you have exposed your sons to growing up solely under your WW's twisted sense of morality. Do they know about her As as well?

Statistically MOST affairs end within two years. What you do might hasten that date a bit. But it depends on what you are doing, and as MIM pointed out, leaving the home gives you little leverage to do anything about it.

At the same time, simply waiting for the affair to end might be a viable option if you did the right things before you left.

Have you read the Basic Concepts? Do you know what Plan A & Plan B are? Have you read Surviving An Affair?

And like MIM asked above, have you exposed the affairs to her family, friends and anyone who could put pressure on the fantasy to help with its demise?

Mark

Everyone knows about the affair she is having, she doesn't care. She likes her nre life. I left because I couldn't stand the preasure there. You live with her. It wasn't easy. She's been in the affair for 2 years now so the two year thing is a bunch of crap. I hope she gets burned like me, aids would be nice, or perhaps a nice STD

i'm very sorry for your pain.

Michael - 3% of affairs last 5 years. The books aren't wrong. I understand you are bitter

Well, Dr. Harley, and other professionals in this area of expertise, do say reconciliation is something that isn't always possible. One highly respected psychologist I've read remarked that only 30% of couples in this situation who sought professional advice actually recover their marriage. I'm just an observer of the "human condition," but that appears about right to me, based on what I've seen. Sounds to me like your WW has decided to take a break from responsibility as a concept, reverting to her teenage years...or what she thinks she missed as a teenager. If I read your message correctly, she's doing whatever she wants with whomever she wants and the heck with the kids, husband, and anyone who disagrees with her, right? I wonder if this could be what is called a mid-life crisis in polite society, a sudden onset of an emotional disorder, or perhaps even evidence of dependency on some substance.

Whatever it is, it seems unlikely she's going to respond to much of anything you do at this time, even if you were of a mind to work toward reconciliation. With that in mind, why aren't you setting things up to divorce her and gain custody of your children to protect them also? Could be the prospect of actual divorce might be the splash of cold water that wakes her up. If not, she may find later down the line that being divorced and fancy free isn't all she thought it would be.

LH

Hi all, I am in the process of a divorce. She's fighting me tooth and nail, I want this, I want that. It doesn't help that the OM is coaching her as to what she should get. Originally I wasn't going to seek custody of the kids, but I really want to now. She's really messed in the head

It might be a bit more difficult to get that now, seeing that you "abandoned" them to your WW when you left your home.

How old are your children?

How much of the adultery behavior and other men have they been exposed to?

What have your childrne been told about the adultery? and who told them?

How long have you been out of your home?

Would you consider moving back home with your children?
You could tell WW she can move out if she objects to living in the same house with you.

Also, you said everyone already knows about the adultery.
Do you know this for a fact or is this just what your WW told you? How did everyone find out about the adultery? Did you go to them and expose the adultery yourself AND tell them you were planning to fight to keep your marriage and family together? Did you ask for their support in helping you end the adultery?

your signature says you left back in August to protect yourself. Who is protecting your children? You didn't leave them with little miss ho did you???? If so, I would strongly suggest that you start dividing time equally between you and your wife. You will NEVER get custody if you walked out on your kids.
I truly hope you took them with you. If you didn't....can you explain why?