so talked to him today, stupid me all because of that damn phone call. i want to file for divorce but i can't bring myself to do it. why? i don't understand at all. he has said he just doesn't think he wants to be married anymore, we want different things, we are in different places in our lives, we've done too much damage to each other to make things right, why can't i accept that and move on?

so i need some advice, yet again. i am either filing for legal separation or divorce on monday. he is spending money like crazy and i am afraid of him pulling me down with him.

part of me says wait it out and give him a chance and the other part says make a clean break.

aaaahhhh i need some help.

Hello! I am sorry that you are going through this.

I will tell you that you have to come to a point where you know that there is no return. That you know you are DONE. You will know when you are there. If you are not there, and he is spending money like crazy, I think that it is in your best interest to file for a legal separation.

This way, you are protected, and you can give him that chance if you want to....

I wish you well.

Get your mind and heart in sync fast.

Is LS vs D going to cost the same? Protect your finances ASAP.

L.

okay so i went through with the separation filing. it was a lot harder then i thought but it was something i needed to do to protect my financial stablity. i am still hopeful we can work things out but he still will not admit that his affair was wrong. he also blames me for not being able to live his life. i caused all the arguments, i was so hurtful towards him and not loving at all. he even had the nerve to tell someone that i told him i regretted marrying him.

he is just being so hurtful and i don't understand why. i am not sure if he is in an ongoing affair or this is just to justify him leaving, and by saying it was all my fault he feels less guilty, i don't know anymore.

this really sucks and i am glad to have some sort of venue to vent so i don't go on a murderous rage.

(((((usedtobelieve)))))

I had to do the same thing, utb, and it DID hurt. Now my WH is acting like a jerk because he doesn't have the monetary freedom that he had before.

What helped me here in the beginning was when someone, I think it was Mrs. W...asked me what did I have to lose? I have already lost H. And that cemented it in my mind to do the right thing. A lot of others helped as well...THANKS YOU GUYS!!!!....but that really stuck in my head.

It helps to hear it a lot from others here, though. Helps to bring your mind around to it so you can accept it.

usedtobelieve,
I know what you are going through,don't know what to do. Half of me wanted to work on my marriage while the other half of me wanted to leave and file for Divorce. I really loved this man, we got married through catholic church and I had married this man to be with him for the rest of my life. It never crossed my mind that I would be going through such emotional abuse. I had just delivered our first child, I thought things were going to change, but they got worse. I had to made a huge decision because apparently my WH didn't want to take that step. Three months ago, I left our home and filed for D. At first he would cry and cry saying he missed us, but never told us to return home. Since then, he has become more and more grumpy, bad mood man. I'm overcoming all this, I believe that if I would have stayed in the marriage, I would have officially become insane. You have to weigh your options, sometimes making decisions with your HEART is not the best thing to do. WH don't care about anyone at this point with the exception of themselves and the OW. Take care of yourself and your children (your finances as well). I know the road is hard but with help from people around you, that road will be much easier to go through. if you ever need to write to someone--vent, e-mail me at marperez@univision.net

calibabeus

thanks char and cal.

thankfully no kids here, just little ol me to deal with the pain. its sad when my friends and family as well as his friends and family notice the change but he doesn't. the financial stability will make it easier for me to live my life.

Hello,

If your husband is spending money out of control, with no regard for your best interest, this is financial abuse.

Abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse.

It must be dealt with.

I've never heard the term "financial abuse" before, but that's what it is.

The laws of this land, imo, are/should be/need to be designed to protect innocent parties from abuse at the hands of those who abuse them with no regard for their wellbeing.

So... I am not certain about the laws of the land and how you can financially protect yourself. But if legal separation is the only legal means by which to stop being viciously financially attacked... then it is his responsibility because he gave you no other option but to either take abuse... or take this action step to protect yourself.

It's not a decision you made. He backed you up against a wall, imo... and he is ultimately responsible for the provocation... which only he could control.

For whatever it's worth.

No one can tolerate abuse. If a person cannot physically leave a situation - because financial abuse will strike a person from a distance - then the authorities were given power over abusers to protect innocent parties from those who cause harm without personal restraint.

You just issued a legal restraining order against financial abuse.

What choice where you given? Either take ongoing abuse - or file a restraining order and be protected by the authority of government.

Just my opinion.

God bless.