Last night my H calls and we talk...he was out of town for the day and we chatted a bit about how it went, he asked how my day went.

Then, he says, "so you're not surprised...." and went on the tell me how he was headed down the road after meeting with a customer of ours and there was a hitchhiker so he PICKED HIM UP! O.K. Said he was going to take him to the next town which is where H was heading for the day...90 miles from where he picked up HH (hitch-hiker).

He continues on and tells me that his name is XX and he got in a bad way...things didn't work out job wise in the town he was leaving. So, H says, I hired him. Just for 2 weeks while he gets going etc.

Well, I know where this is leading. We have a guest house next door which is also our office for the business. I can't just move or secure the office when someone comes...so I like it to be someone I know...family!

I ask and he says that HH can stay in the office and I came undone!! I really was pissed and didn't do well hiding it.
I had to stew for 3 hours while he drove home and the poor HH shook my hand and said "I promise I won't cause you any trouble". (He either heard me through the phone, as H was in the truck with HH when he told me about it, or H told him I was pissed)

I was LIVID when he got home. I could hardly look at him and he was just trying to poo-poo me off, saying stuff like "you know I like to help", and I'm a nice guy....finally I just got up and left and went to bed.

Besides the obvious reason I am pissed (bringing home a stray without asking me) is that he has done this before!
2 times were with the same guy, and then another one last summer. He hires them, gives them a place to stay and I feed them. All without consulting me first!! Ugggghhhhh!
Then, I am the bad guy cuz I'm not nice to them.
(Ironically, the strat that stayed last summer just called H on his drive home last night and told of a horrible bike crash he had recently, losing an eye, etc. We haven't heard form him for several months.)

Anyway, our kids and I told H after last summer we didn't want anymore. H agreed. We agreed...no more taking in people to put in MY office (which interrupts my work!!). He agreed
and that was the end of it.....till last night.


I am completely at a loss as to what to do....I am so pissed I can't see straight! I know he will soon tell me how it is all my fault....classic P/A stuff....

I will post this and follow up with more or answer questions.

Thanks for taking time...

Wow. This whole deal is dangerous in so many ways. My husband did something very similar a few months back. He found a guy sleeping under a bridge near our church and brought him home for the night. I was livid too. I asked for an ID and did a criminal background check (as much as I could) right then on the computer in front of him. Turns out the guy checked out but what if? He stayed one night and then my husband ended up taking him to and paying for a motel room for one night.

My husband promised to NEVER do that to us again. I would have never thought to have a POJA in place about such an issue before it happened, but we do now!

I don't know what to tell you to do at this point. I know what I would do. I would insist that HH goes. Otherwise, I would remove myself from the home until he does.

You're not kidding, princess meggy!

We have a family friend that picked up a hitchhiker one time and he spent the night with them.

When they woke up the next day the guy was gone, there was a bunch of stuff stolen and there was a knife sitting in the last place the HH was looking for loot.

If any one of our friend's family would have awakened and found the HH stealing...I shudder to think about what might have happened to them then!

Hi PM...
How did you do the background check?
I thought of that as well. I can get his info as we are going
to "hire" him...I'll just have him fill out a W-4 that gives me his SS# etc.

Can you tell me how your POJA goes and what happens if its broken? That is my problem....I don't know what to do now that he broke it!

I thought about telling H to take HH to a motel but I KNOW my H will not do it. He will tell me it is his house/office too...(at least HH is staying in the office and not in our home....)

Oh this makes me sooooo mad!

Yikes Charlotte...
and I am glad he is not in our home...

after meeting this guy I have to say I am not too worried about him...still cautious and all, but he really does appear to be a pretty decent guy just down on his luck...

In my town, public criminal records are available online for most of the surrounding counties. I looked there first, then I did a warrant check (same thing) and then I did a civil check.

Our POJA is that neither one of us brings someone home without full agreement from the other. I know I wouldn't break it and I don't think husband would either now, but if he did, I would leave my home until the "guest" is gone.

Don't just take his word for it on a W-4. Ask for a PICTURE ID. If he doesn't have one, ask why. Ask for references-- family and friends that you can call to verify he is who he says he is.

I TOLD our guest how I felt and he said he understood perfectly. He was willing to walk out right then. I agreed to let him stay once I did the background check. But ONLY because it was freezing outside.

It turns out my daughter came by and recognized him as the guy who used to own a toy store in our neighborhood, which lined up with what he had told us. His wife left him, took their children and cleaned out the bank accounts causing a bunch of his business checks to bounce. He lost the business, his home, his children and everything. He was living under a bridge because he had given up.

I thought of leaving until HH leaves..I don't think I should have to live in motel while he enjoys the comforts of home (mine!)...
and, I have a son in school who is very uncomfortable...don't want to leave him here...just thinking out loud...not denying any of these as a possibility....

Not sure about the online look-up for criminal...very small town here so I will have to look into it.

I hate drama!! We already have enough stress on our plates...LB is crucially low right now....

My H pulled a similar stunt with a long lost cousin. Family..you'd think it would be ok, he absconded with a book of checks and a vehicle when he caught the house vacated. He became a resident of the state.

H has a brother that I have told him the same about....DO NOT
let him stay here. He says he won't, but I'm not sure if he would stick to it if the occasion arose (this brother lives clear across the country)...especially not sure
now...

Another thing that bothers me about leaving while HH stays is who is gonna watch my stuff? If H doesn't see the potential danger...and he doesn't...then he won't be taking care and looking out for stuff.

I am thinking of going to the big town where we shop...I could leave tomorrow...stay till sunday, come home and get H and HH packed for the job starting next monday out of town and then be home while they are gone and by the time they get back HH two weeks will be up....that is the deal, he needs 2 weeks work to get to the next place??

And, I could get my Christmas shopping done.