I am a WS. I have been trying to end a 8 month A. Mostly emotional, contact was mostly by email. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can end this. I have wanted to try for a while now but it seems to just get reignited every time I try to end it. Please help. I am trying to do the right thing.

I'm sorry- I can't tell if you're a man or woman by what you've written. Anyway- tell your spouse about your affair, and your affair partner's spouse if they are married. Write a "no contact" letter and have your spouse mail it to your affair partner.

If you work with your affair partner, find a new job. Absolutely cut off all contact with them, or the affair will never end.

Please add some specific details about your situation so we can give you better advice.

I'm glad you're here and doing the right thing.

I am a WW. I have 3 kids and have been married 10 years. I'm just don't feel attracted to my H anymore. I don't know what's wrong. It's the ILYBNILWY thing.

If you find you can't manage to end the A on your own, enlist the help of your spouse. Tell them about the affair and that you need help to maintain NC.

Like almost every WS that has posted here about ending an affair, you are probably going to say that you don't want to tell your spouse because you don't want to hurt them. That will be just another hugely disrespectful choice in a long line of hugely disrespectful choices. Your spouse has every right to know the truth about his/her marriage.

So if you truly want to end the affair, tell your spouse and tell the OP's spouse if he/she has one. You are not currently strong enough to resist the temptation of reigniting the affair, so you must enlist help to do so. Your spouse will help keep you honest. As it is, you are forcing him/her to live a lie.

So confess it all, and start reclaiming your self-respect.

PLEASE tell these folks as much detail as possible.
It's safe here!!!
And the more HONEST, DETAILED information you give, the more these folks can help you out!

Glad you joined in TST. Your view point could be of great value.

C3, Search out TST's thread and read it. Also read the basic concepts and the Q&A columns on infidelity.

Mark

C3

You are welcome here and there are folks here who can help you understand yourself as you never have in your life.

See, most folks don't understand the dynamics of affairs and love. You can learn what it is all about here and through Harley's teaching. What you will learn can change your life for the better if you really learn.

Coincidently, I had a long session today with a young lady and her mother. The young lady wasn't listening to her very wise mother. But for some reason, she listened to me.

All I did was just tell her some of the things I learned here and it was a light on a very dark corner of her soul.

Tell us all you can - and ask questions.

Larry

Confused:

I recommend that you read as many posts by BSs on this website as you can. If that doesn't wake you up, I don't know what will!

The first step is to end all As, PA or EA.

The next step is to figure out how to restore love with spouse. You can't do this until the first step is done. Completely.

Thanks for all your replies. I really would like to read some other threads from other WS after they came to see the light

This thread was where the lightbulb went on for me:
Saturn's choice

You can also read tst's thread- he's doing great!
tst's thread

Be strong, and just focus on one day at a time.

Confused,

Also read MrsWondering.

Who

Here's a bit from one of my 1st posts ...

Hi C3,
I'm by no means an expert, but since coming to MB, I feel like I have been given to tools to cope with my Hs A.
I am only 7 monts in, and it had been a long, emotional, tiresome road. But I know if I can stick to Dr. H's principals, I truly believe my H and I can have a marriage 100 times better than it was before.
I caught my H becuase I just so happened to glance at our cell bill, and saw over 40 text messages in one evening to the same number. I called that number and got her voicemail. I knew right away it wasn't good. I immediately called my H at work, and told him to get home immediately if he was interested in saving this M. He was home in 10 min. He had no clue what I knew, and actually, at that time, all I knew about were the phone calls and text messages. When he got home, I told him to start talking. At first he wasn't going to divulge info b/c he wasn't sure exactly what I knew, and he was in shock. A minute or so later, he told me everything. I asked questions and he answered. He wanted it all out. He said he felt horrible for living the lies and secrets, and he owed it to me. I fell apart. I didn't know what to do, what to say, where to go. He was truly understanding with my emotions, all he could do was grab me and hold me and tell me he loved me, but he understood if I couldn't be with him any longer. Our marriage had been put under some very heavy financial stress due to some real estate investments, and who he turned to was a realtor who began giving him advice, empathy, etc.... It's all he wanted to talk about, and I hated every aspect of it, and continued to hate it more and more. It made him "ugly" to me, and to him I was not "understanding." But this OW gave him all of the understanding he needed - and more!

We thought we had a wonderful marriage. All of our friends and family admired us. We had a beautiful family and did all of the "right" things. And then we hit a brick wall. After reading other's entries on MB, and reviewing my situation, I can honestly tell you, from the bottom of my heart, I wish my H would have just told me instead of me finding out. All though what he did was not respectful, I do have to respect him for giving me all of the information I wanted when I did find out. I asked very hard questions, and it broke his heart to answer them.
If I could tell you what would have helped me it would be the following:
- TELL YOUR H ASAP. You have more than a lot of WSs have at this point, and that is the support of MB. It will not be easy, but he will eventually find out, and you might be too late then. You need to also tell the OM's spouse if there is one. Your H and his spouse will assist in keeping you from making contact with one another. Don't let your A go any further.

- Lead him to MB.

- Buy the books: Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs both by Dr. Harley. Give you H the book Surviving and Affair. Both of you read His Needs Her Needs.
- You fell in love with your H at one point or you would't have married him. You must find THAT love again, and the book His Needs Her Needs will help you with this.

-WRITE THE NO CONTACT LETTER and let your H mail it.

-Be open and honest about EVERYHTING. See, you have the whole picture, you can fill in the blanks. He will only have pieces and be expected to piece it together. You MUST give him all of the pieces so he can have the whold picture. The hardest parts for me were the "not knowing" and I had to ask the tough questions. Lucky for me, he gave me the answers and completely and honestly as he could.

C3, 7 months ago, my heart was broken, my life was turned upside down, and I didn't know how I would ever survive this. I always believed that if my H ever betrayed me, I would leave him. But I couldn't. I loved him, and since he was willing to go the distance with me, I feel like I owed him a second chance. It was the best decision I ever made. He has been there with me every step of the way, supporting me, holding me up. I wouldn't by any means say this is the best thing that ever happened to us, but our marriage today is SO MUCH STRONGER than it EVER was - thanks mostly to Dr. H's book - His Needs Her Needs. I realized by reading his book, that I was not responsible for my H's choice to betray our marriage vow, but I learned that I was not fulfilling some of my H's emotional needs (not intentionally), and if I could have known that I wasn't, I might have been able to prevent the A.

We are more in love today than we have ever been. I know that love will grow stronger and stronger, and our marriage will survive. Please tell your H. Please. You owe it to him and yourself. Bad things happen to good people C3. I don't hate my H for doing what he did. In fact, in a way, I feel sorry for him becuase he has to live with the hurt and pain of deceit as well, and he definitely hurts.

Just one more word of advice - give him all of the time he needs. You have had 8 months to take this all in and process it all in your mind. It's all going to be thrown in his face within a matter of minutes and hours. My heart still aches today. They say it gets easier, and it has, but I have come to the conclusion that it will never go away. I will live with it everyday, but it's HOW I choose to live with it that will make the difference. I can't change what happend, but I sure as ****** can try my best to make sure it doesn't happen again, and we have had a lot of fun "affair preventing!!!"

Be strong. Do the right thing. Help your H any way you can. Be understanding. Be compassionate. Discover your love again, and create a new love. My thoughts are with you. If you need "the other side's point of view" feel free to ask away! I will give you true and honest answers, and I will do whatever it takes to help you all. You can do it C3. Don't delay.
-has

Confused-

Have you posted here before under a different name? You have an amazing grasp of the acronyms for a new poster.

How have you tried to end the affair previously?

What does your BH know/suspect?

Is OM married?

Hey Confused,

Keep talking to these folks, it will help you clear out the fog. Just concerned for you, haven't seen any answers to all the questions everyone keeps asking you....
The answers will help you as weel as help us to see where you are.....
Just be honest, it truly is safe here!