Husband has suddenly switched religions and is on a new spiritual forum. Most of the people in this new "so called" religion are women. He joined the forum two months ago, and now has over 250 posts there.

I logged into his account while he was out, and found evidence of him having yahoo chats with a 19 year old girl on the forum, and he was saying in a PM how much he enjoyed their chats, he was laughing all day and into the evening about funny things to say to her, and when was he going to be able to see her smile?

We were on yahoo this past weekend with friends, and several weeks ago he had sent me a request to add his account at work to the home account. When I got on yahoo on Sunday, he saw that the "add request pending" was still there with his username, and deleted it. I did not think anything of it at the time, but now I know that is the username he is using to chat at work with these women. He did not want me know when he is chatting on yahoo.

He said this past weekend how our "sense of humor" is so different, and how I don't find him funny. Not when he makes statements like that.

He had a heart attack this past year, and our sex life is miserable due to the six different medications, and I have told him that I am sexually frustrated.

We have been married for 18 years, one child. He is 46 years old, I am 44.

Two weeks ago, I signed up to the forum he is on, and I introduced myself and just said hello. What did hubby do? He made jokes of how he wanted to run away and hide, in replies on my intro thread. Other people thought it was hilarious. I failed to see the humor, and told him of my displeasure. Not only that, but he let his crowd there on the forum know that I did not share their beliefs.

What next?

Confront confront confront. And then...expose. Most counselors will say not to expose. But once other people who can influence him and the OW (regardless of what kind of A it is), it can put pressure on your WH to end the A.

Read the postings on this site...they are wonderful. They have great ideas and ways to save you M.

I am almost finished reading "Surviving an Affair." I learned things from that book that no one counselor would have ever told me.

Post...the people on here are wonderful, and we have all been where you are. We know how you feel. We can relate to every emotion you are experiencing right now.

Take care...

Should I post in the forum where he visits something like:

"OK, how many people have been chatting on yahoo with my husband without my knowledge!?"

I am very tempted to do something like that. It would embarrass the ****** out of him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

imo ure gonna start a helluva fight by exposing... and what are you gonna expose?

what evidence do you have to support your suspicion?

"I logged into his account while he was out, and found evidence of him having yahoo chats with a 19 year old girl on the forum, and he was saying in a PM how much he enjoyed their chats, he was laughing all day and into the evening about funny things to say to her, and when was he going to be able to see her smile?"

When she logged into his account, this is what she found. This is solid evidence of an EA.

Are you able to print out the personal message that you found? Are there other messages that you can access that are of a similar content?

I suggest that you get all of them that you can find and print them out so you have a hard copy.

Do you know who this OW is that he is involved with? Get all the information that you can about her--her name, where she lives, is she married.

Can you get this type of information about her?

Once you have collected information that shows that he is involved in an inappropriate relationship, expose to your friends and family--select your exposure group by selecting people who care about the state of your marriage and would support you in your efforts to stop this activity so that you and your H can re-build your marriage.

Thank you all for your advice. My husband and I had a long conversation about this, with him saying that his online friends (all women) are just that, friends. He promised not to private message anymore (yeah, sure).

I visited the site he is so interested in today, and I see that he posted in the singles forum something like "oh, how did I get here. Wrong room. **walks away grumbling about the singles...***. That was his post. He had a few other posts as well in other parts of the forum.

I sent him a PM through the forum that he frequents telling him that I did not find his comments funny at all, and that after our discussion last week, I thought he would understand where I was coming from. Obviously not.

He might be hanging out in the singles forum a little more frequently than usual if he continues on with this behavior.