U have a lot on your plate, so I am going to start by giving you a suggestion:

Put our right arm on your left shoulder. Now put your left arm on your right shoulder (or visa versa if that's more comfortable).... now squeeze both shoulders. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> There you've just received an MB hug from me 2 U! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok, now you are at a critical turning point. This is not the time to give up. Expect to lose it sometimes....this isn't easy or fun. You have the right t/b upset. Also you have a little one who depends on you and a Ws instead of your real H. Highly frustrating.

So let's get you back on track ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Morning B,

It sound like you’re more mad than sad this morning...nice ride isn't it. Don't be so hard on yourself, we all go through these stages (Look at me Sunday and yesterday) Good thing is you do snap out of it. It's all very fresh too, so that doesn't help.
But do you what is good... you vented some, let it out. That will help you keep your composure when talking to him. I see your a PA, which means you deal with all kinds of personalities more that likely. Try picturing him as the most sensitive patient you deal with. You know that patient where you really have to think about what and how you'll say something because if it comes out wrong they fall apart. Your H is just a sick so think of dealing with him that way. See if it makes a difference.

Don't forget to retain a lawyer today. What's going on with the bills? His he taking care of that today?

i just feel completely and utterly lost any more. I don't know which way is up or how to figure that out. So many people are telling me i need to get rid of him i don't know need him that he is nothing but a loser. I hate when they say that cause it hurts me to hear things like that.

I just wish someone would sit him down and make him understand what he is doing but i too know that that won't work. he is going to IC but i have this horrible fear that this is just going to push him farther away from me. I just didn't sign up for this especially after having a baby. I don't know how i am ever going to have to share my child with someone else. This is the absolute hardest thing i have or will ever have to go through.

I feel like there is a major part of my dying inside and i just want the pain to go away. He was yelling at me last night and being so mean and he just stood there and said he doesn't know why he is that way that is why he is going to counseling. he even said that i am not the same man that i married and he doesn't know if the change is for the better or for the worse. I know i have to keep going for the sake of my daughter and what not but this is just so hard with all that is going on.

I feel so abandoned and his parents just keep saying what ever will make him happy is what they want from him. It pisses me off cause he left me with all the responsibility of everything and he gets to run around scott free. I am just so sad right now and i don't know how to get out of this.

LH4

I feel for you. I cannot image how tough this would be while raising a baby. Give yourself some time, the pain will still be there but it won't be as intense and you'll find that you're down episodes will be shorter and less intense. It's perfectly normal for you to feel this so don't feel bad for that and don't blame yourself!!!He decided to leave you and you're 3mo baby, you had no say in it. He will have to struggle with that choice.

You are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and you're baby, and should take pride in that. I know it doesn't take away the pain, but know that you are doing what is right and that should feel good.

Take care of yourself!

You are a whirlwind of emotions right now...I cannot even imagine how upsetting this all is and how angry/hurt/devasted/betrayed/etc you feel right now. We are here for you, LH4.

You had him there with you...did you ask him to change the names on the utilities? Did you discuss it with him?

But this:

I guess I don't understand what you mean..? I have not done that or even come close, so I don't want to feel that I have, K? I am simply stating that he must take care of his business (nothing to do with you). To me, making sure that beautiful baby (and you!) has lights and heat is the first order of business!

He is correct in saying that he is not the man you married. The man you married would not be this heartless and cruel. He is truly "out of his mind." Therefore, he cannot be expected to do the right thing...he doesn't even know what that is right now. This is typical WS behavior (I should know-I was one!). Try your best not to internalize what he is doing and saying right now, as it will only hurt you more. And you have been hurt enough.

I am very concerned about you. His parents sound like they will be no help...is there anyone else you can turn to for some help?

the 2x4 thing was i was sure i wss going to get yelled out for the pitty party i was throwing myself. i am not making any sense lately

Now i found out tha i will be losing my job next week cause of all that is going on. I am trying to keep my composure with everything but it is really tough at work. I will see if i can prevent all of this.

I did tell WH about it last night and hwas like well have you looked for a new job i said yes and he asked where. I asked him why and he said well he had been thinking that if and when he comes home he thinks it would be a good idea that we moved. Now that threw me for a loop. He is like i don't want to get your hopes up right now but i think we would have to move.

Then he decided not to have any more talk about us. Well of course i started to get upset at one point and he got mad and well the arguing ensued cause he just doesn't want to talk to me won't tell me where he is won't give me a land line to contact him at or anything. He just keeps saying he isn't sure where anything is going right now he doesn't know where he is going if he is going to come home or if he is just going to find his own place. Well i was a crying mess again begging him to stay.

He says that i need to learn to treat this as if this isn't the end of the world and this is why he can't talk to me about anything cause i get so upset and there isn't a reason i should this upset by what is happening.

I just feel like i am losing control over everything and i can't stop it. He just told me this isn't the end of the world life will go on. he is right but it sure as ****** feels like the end of the world. He said again mountain and this is just a mole hill.

Oh well i will pick myself up and be mis pleasnat and not talk about my life at all at work and act as if nothing is wrong. That is what everyone wants me to do so they can have it and i will just move on.

{{{{{{{{{{LH4}}}}}}}}}}}

By the sounds of it you need that hug right now. That's terrible news. Is there any way of preventing it? It doesn’t sound like they are very supportive. What are your prospects for getting something new quickly? What kind of support system do you have near by? Is there anybody that can help you through this struggle?

We all may look at our situation one day and agree with him that this was but a mole hill, but right now it looks more like mount Everest. Quite insensitive!

You've had a real rough couple of days, please keep posting here to let some of this pain out, last thing you want is to get physically sick as well.

We're here with you, hang in there...

My family lives about an hour and half away. I have not seen them since all of this has happened. The only support i have rigth now is some awesome friends who listen to me and try to be there for me. My husband is angry at me cause he doesn't want me talking to everyone cause he feels they all hate him. THey don't hate him they just don't like the poor choices he continues to make.

Today i feel numb. He is supposed to stop over again tonight and change out cars as he has a trailblazer with the 4 wheel drive and i have a car. The truck was supposed to be used for the baby but he has yet to give it to me.

He goes to counseling today and i hope that goes well for him. I am not sure how IC is going to help our situation but i keep praying that it does. Before he left last night i said something to him about going to church with the baby and i this weekend and he said yea that might work. So i dunno it's like he changes his mind like the wind blows right now.

I am working on trying to find a new job as we speak i am not sure if i will have to move or not and i know that wouldn't be the best thing either to move but i just don't know what to do. I am trying not to keep things all bottled up right now but it is a little tough not to. It is funny cause he knows what he is doing is wrong but he says he needs help and guidence on how to sort out his feelings and what is right for him to do.

He only makes about 832 dollars every two weeks and when i figured out the amount he would have to pay in child care and child support alone it is about 700 a month. I just don't think he has thought any of this through. He says he hasn't gone to a lawyer and isn't ready for that. He hasn't gone looking for a place of his own either. I should have just let the conversation go the way it did last night and not get upset but i just have so much going on and i am losing my bestfriend. ALthough he wants us to remain great friends no matter what he says he will always be there to support me.

I just don't get it..... ahhhhhh

LH4,

Has the problem with your untilities been taken care of?

Get an attorney and secure your finances and go to Plan B. Things are getting worse and worse and he is NOT dependable.

Can you see a doc for some anti-D's?

Agree with B. Also, and this is very important b/c I know you are so upset you cannot even think straight right now, so that is why we are here trying to keep you on track, k? You must get a lawyer asap. Let the company you work for know you have one...it may slow them down on the losing of the job. How long have you worked there? How much time did you take for the baby and do they have FMLA? If you have worked there for one year and they have a certain number of emplyees, this is federal law, so that's why I asked how long you have worked there. You do NOT need the hassle of trying to find a new job right now, and there are a lot of laws that will protect you!!

Secondly, a couple of us have asked a couple of times, because it is sooo important...have you gotten the utilities switched into your name? Believe me, you do not want to wake up with everything turned off, although I think it is a law that they cannot do this in the winter anyways, not sure about your state.

I realize you are in a lot of pain right now, but your current course of action is not working. Begging and pleading with him is not going to help at all! It seems to do just the opposite and turns him into a monster. So STOP- PLEASE!!! Take a deep breath, realize that this IS a MOUNTAIN, not a molehill, but you are tough and you can do this. Decide what you want. If it is him, you have to get a lawyer, secure your finances and take care of yourself and your baby. And if you decide you don't want him, guess what? Same course of action! Either way, pulling yourself up, becoming strong in your resolve and handling the situation is your best way to get him back, and it's also the best way to protect yourself if after a while you decide you do not WANT him back.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! YOU ARE STRONG!! And we are all here cheering for you, sweetie. Please take care of things, it will help distract you and get you on the right path no matter what happens!!

I am on an anti-depressant and anxiety meds.... i am slowly getting everything in order... utilities are in both our names now.

As for work my boss only has 9 employees and we don't get FMLA for that. Trust me i wish we did cause i would take it for a week or two just for my sanity, but as it is i am also glad cause work distracts me other wise.

I am MUCH better today than i have been the last two days.... it sucks that he is out of the house and i know he is with her or at least assumed that he is cause he is more distant.... he does give me a hug.

Well i talked to my WS last night on the phone. It was a decent converstation. He was telling me a little bit about his IC session. He said that he feels with him going there it won't be long before he has a decision. He stated that he has some clarity on the situation but doesn't want to fill me in on any more than that cause he doesn't want me to have any hope or get discouraged by it. He said he isn't ready to throw the towel in on our marriage yet, but he is still trying to work through things to make a decision. I was calm on the phone and told him i would want nothing more than for him to come home and work on this but i am becoming at peace with the likely possiblity of him not coming home. I told him that i need to start getting things straight for our daughter and i and do what is best for us and i would love for him to be there but that right now i can't count on him.. He said no you can't count on me right now.

I am not sure what to make of his counseling session. he did say that he asked her if it would be a good idea for him to bring me to a session as he feels like he is squeing some of the events and she told him no cause even if they are not true his feelings are his feelings and that is what she is trying to deal with right now. I just hope she isn't stearing him in the wrong direction. I am worried about him he sounded a little upset on the phone but said he would be ok.

I just don't know i am trying not to have an expecatations or hope but i don't know what ot make of any of that.

I would be concerned about the IC. This his feeling are his feelings line is false...his feelings are foggy. Is this C a FC that is pro marriage? If not beware.
I'm glad you got your stuff in line with the utilities.

He seems to be using these lines allot. This just ends up stringing you along. Just keep to the plan and wait for him to actually do something, than you'll have a clearer picture.

Agreed TMTS!

I am so happy that you were able to straighten those things out. It is sooooo hard when your life is turned upside down to focus on anything else. We are here for you...just come here and vent any ol' time you need to...we are on your team!!!

thanks everyone.... just a little low right now. I fell asleep for a little while and now i woke up with that sick feeling again

i hate that cause all i did was dream about him and her and it sucks when that happens. i know he is with her still and probably with her tonight as we speak. It makes me ill to think that but i dunno

Oh the darn movies... they are the worse. Sorry you feel a little low. Lets talk something happy... how's that sweety pie of yours? I like how she's comming by and posting, that's amazing for a 15 week old. Well she got a fan here who's saying prayers for her mommy to be strong.

Give her a great big kiss for me.

Well i guess today would be Dday number 2 for me. I just found out that he has been back with the OW and that he did maintain no contact for a short bit but that it started up again shortly there after. he doesn't know who contacted who first, but he still says he misses being home and he hasn't made his mind up about what he is doing yet.

I am not as crushed as i was on the first Dday but it still hurts. He says his decision to come home has nothing to do with her it has to do with him and how he has changed

He started to cry saying i don't deserve him i deserve someone much better. I said and you deserve someone who would stick by you no matter what happens and i am willing to be that person. He just started to ball on the phone and say that he is afraid that when he does decide to come home it is going to be too late. I didn't know what to say about that other than if you think you want to come home then why don't you and we will move and do whatever it takes to make this right again. He didn't say anything.

He is coming over to stay the night cause i have to be at work at 6 am tomo and i need someone to sit with the baby.

As for the baby she is so good when i am upset all she does is look up at me and smile and it melts my heart away. If you want to see her and my family go to www.njsuttons.com
that is all of us and pics of her when she was real little up till last week. I just love her so much. She is my mirical baby.

Sorry that happened, but it is usually expected that the affair will continue.

Your husband will continue to fence sit as long as he can.

Please see an attorney.

Does he give you money?

YES!

See an attorney and get support money secured on a legal document.

ASAP