Since I found out that WH wants out after 17 yrs and wants to "carry on with his life" and doesn't even want to try & repair our marriage I have been suffering from horrible anxiety/panic attacks and depression. The attacks are bad.

I've been hospitalized twice for exhaustion, dehydration and depression. They actually put me in the psych ward the last time. Sometimes I can't seem to stop shaking and crying. I've been fortunate that I can talk to a friend or somebody comes over & sits with me until it stops.

The meds I was taking made me sicker and I stopped taking them. But just when I think I've got a handle on them, something will trigger one & I'll be on the floor or couch, shivering, shaking, crying and I can't stop.

My question is if you suffered from this too, when did it stop, how did you get control of your emotions and body & carry on?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I need to know. I want this horrible pain to stop and I've lost 42lbs since D day. I don't look like me anymore. And I'm trying to be strong. I used to be the most well organized, strong, out going person in the world and now I can't get out of bed. I just want it to stop. I want normal. I need normal.

The meds helped me get over the panic attacks. I would check with your doc and see if you can change if you didn't like the effects of the ones you were taking.

If you don't want to take meds, exercise and relaxation exercises will work too.

I am going to call Dr. on Monday. And I'm gonna go back to the gym. I am trying to eat & drink. I think the lack of food & water is fueling my body weakness. And my Mom was talking to me this morning & telling me to "breathe, breath" and things like that.

Yes. Go to the doc and the gym. In the meantime, take care of yourself by eating right.

The relaxation exercises will help right away. You can listen to your favorite music, and imagine you are somewhere you love, and tighten and then relax each muscle in your body from your toes on up. And no thinking about hubby.

Just this past week I went through some of the same symptoms you are currently experiencing. I would definitely go back to the doctor and get some different meds because the ones I received literally changed my life.

In less than 24 hours I now have strength, courage and a crystal clear outlook on executing the steps I need to fight and win this battle.

My appetite was almost zero, but I made myself take nutritional supplements and ate a fortified protein shake a couple of times a day which definitely helped my mind and body. Going to the gym and working out is an absolute must as this will get the endorphans going and increase your self esteem.

To summarize I would strongly recommend the following 3 things:

1) Meds that work without the side effects.

2) Nutritional supplements and/or healthy food.

3) Work out several times a week.

My prayers are with you because what you are going through is very scary and lonely as I was just there myself less than a week ago. Just take these 3 simple steps and keep going to a different doctor until they give you meds that work.

hi...

i went through the same thing... in fact, my ex is the only person who can "trigger" them.

are you a deeply caring and highly empathetic person?

i am.

i don't believe i would have been susceptible to such suffering if i was not so loving a person. so, i want to give you a big <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />... and see the good... in yourself... that has made you susceptible, perhaps.

i ended all contact with the ex and healed. it's like being exposed... when one's love is violated. sometimes i think the purity of one's love and one's vulnerability dictates the degree of suffering one experiences in betrayal.

also, how vulnerable one is.

i ended all contact... and i built up new social contacts.

no one who knows me could believe i was having panic attacks. i am the most confident person, they tell me, they have ever met.

it wasn't any form of "deficiency" on my part, imo, in my social personhood that resulted in my suffering.

i encourage you that this happens... to the best of us... since it happened to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

it really will get better with time... so please don't believe that what you experience in the midst of a panic attack is going to be your existence permanently. it will not be. you really will recover as you take action steps to protect yourself from being exposed to a very hurtful situation.

sometimes it is necessary to to end all contact to keep your heart from being exposed.

as you heal, you may be in position to reconsider the level safe distance you need to create. things really will get better as you decrease exposure to the panic-inducing stimuli. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

any other questions?

been there. done that.

standing with you!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LASG,

I'm sorry you are experiencing these horrible attacks. I used to get them frequently in my late teens and early 20's. They also resurfaced during the first three weeks of finding out about my WH's affair.

I found that when I was dehydrated my panic attacks were far worse because my heart would be "racing" from lack of water. So make sure you are eating well, but especially that you are drinking plenty of water. Drinking other fluids (especially alcohol) will dehydrate you and make you feel worse. Also, low blood sugar can cause that jittery feeling as well, so make sure that you try to eat little meals frequently through out the day.

I was put on medication too briefly, but it also made me feel worse so I stopped.

I found that anxiety is a process where a thought triggers an adrenaline response in our body and we start to feel jittery which in turn causes us to feel upset. This then increases the chemical response again which makes us feel even more tense.

So the key is stopping the cycle from getting out of hand. When you begin to feel the initial anxious feelings, you have to find something to keep the cycle from building. As Believer said, that can be anything that takes your mind off the problem such as listening to relaxing music, going for a walk, exercising or talking to a friend.

I don't know if you are a Christian, but I know that prayer works for me nearly every time. When I became a Christian, I found that many of the things that made me anxious, no longer had that affect on me because I trusted that God would care for me. He has helped me a great deal through this as well.

I hope this helped a little and I will pray that you will have some peace.

Sara

My therapist said that I must be very empathetic and caring. I always considered myself kinda hard and very strong. But I am always the one that has the answer to everything or can solve any problem. And I can't solve this problem. I have no control and maybe that's why it's been so bad for me. The racing heart, jitters, crying and shaking are normal she said. She said I would get over it in time too. I just find it hard to believe I will ever recover from this. And I can't see myself not talking to WH. It just doesn't seem possible at this time. There is still part of me that thinks I can save my marriage. This tiny part of me that can't let go or give up.

"In less than 24 hours I now have strength, courage and a crystal clear outlook on executing the steps I need to fight and win this battle."

Wow, what are you taking MIN?

Hi LA,

By no means should you feel you must "give up". Yes, save the marriage. Do all you can within a wise course of action that does not injure one/half of the marriage.

You are the marriage. Save you...

I think that when you recover... the marriage will have it's best opportunity to recover. That's what I mean.

I think that if you "tip the scales" of this... by getting as much support as people will give you and you can get... meds, water/food, excercise... it's like a soldier preparing for the battle... a battle I know you will win.

If you see it like that, taking care of yourself first isn't capitulating... it's training... in a way.

It's not an either or choice... like either you enter the foray right now in a shaken state or give up the victory. It's that you train for the conquest.

This, in a way, is war. You're fighting for what matters to you... and as a good soldier.. you need to be strong.

This sums up a huge part of the difficulty that I've had. But *you* can't save your marriage. Your marriage can be saved if and when your WH stops being wayward. Until then, your job is to stay sane and protect what love you have remaining for him.

You do this by taking care of yourself. Talk to a doctor about different meds. Some meds work for anxiety, and other meds work for depression. And exercise. And recognizing the triggers.

I haven't read your details, so I don't know where you are in the process, but I'm sorry you're here.

The first 2 days I took 100 mg of Zoloft and Xanax (not sure of spelling). From the 3rd day forward I have been taking 50 mg of just the Zoloft.

I've never taken medication of any kind before so I may be more responsive to meds than someone else and some people may have side effects from these that I have been fortunate enough not to experience.

That was fast! I took Zoloft, and it didn't work for 22 days. Maybe the dose was lower.

With any anti-depressant, you really don't feel the effects as a whole for the first 3 weeks. Most doctors, from what I can tell, start you off on 25mg and will up it to 50. When I was pregnant I was on 25mg, but my insurance wouldn't cover it after awhile so I had to wean myself off. Not a good idea, btw.

I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks as well as depression, so I realize LA that it is a ****** of a toll on your body and spirit. I had an awesome first term teacher in Nursing school who taught me a bunch of relaxation exercises. Everyone else's advice on exercise and the like is good.. anything to 'distract' yourself from thinking about the current situation will keep the anxious feelings at bay.

To keep my mind off things, that is why I'm going to get out that huge stack of gift cards I've been hoarding & go buy things for myself. Usually I use the gift cards to buy gifts for other people. Not now. I'm going to use them for myself. Gonna brave Macys and buy myself a new pair of jeans tomorrow. All 5 pairs of my current jeans are way too big. I've lost 43lbs as of today & I deserve a new pair. And shopping is something I love to do.

When my H left, I felt exactly the way you felt. Maybe not as severe, but very similar, I wasn't able to eat, hardly slept, was crying and shaking all the time... Lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks...

What helped me the most was continuing to exercise. I was very active before, and it helped to continue. A kickboxing class was very helpful for me to channel the anger I was feeling. There is nothing like kicking or punching the crap outta a punching bag <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Also, exercising in an environment where it could also be social (ie opportunities for human conversation and contact) was very helpful to me.

I do think that maybe in your case, you might not have had the right type of meds. Also, the meds are supposed to take about 3-4 weeks for maximum benefit. Maninneed is lucky that it took only 24 hrs, but usually that isn't the case.

I did have a very rough time after a couple of failed recovery atempts with my WXH, when he ended up going back to the OW again.

I think part of the problem was that I had cut WAY back on my physical activities because I had been diagnosed with severe hypertension, which wasn't under control yet, and I was afraid to continue a lot of the exercise activities I had been doing. So there was definitely a downward shift in endorphins for me because I was getting a lot less exercise. I found that just going out for a walk or working a little while in the garden made me feel more energetic and less gloomy. These days I get a lot of exercise and social interaction at work.

I've read that just changing your physical position can influence your mood. I have a daughter who has been having problems with depression/lethargy. I've noticed she basically sits in the same spot on the sofa all day... I try to get her to move around more and to go places with us.

Years ago both my daughter and I were prescribed the Lexapro and it was very effective for each of us in lifting our mood and keeping us active. I really did NOT want to take an anti-depressant! I was afraid of side-effects, addiction, and maybe feeling wierd. But I did not have any side effects from the Lexapro and it just made me feel more like my old self. My daughter did very well on the Lexapro but quit taking it because she has OCD issues and the Lexapro was making her feel 'too comfortable' with doing things spontaneously when she wanted to stick to her rituals... (I TRIED to get her doctors and counselors to put her back on Lexapro but instead they tried all sorts of other meds which didn't help.)

Right now I am just using natural things like exercise, celery, and positive visualizations to keep me going. Also, I am a Christian and know that whatever happens I am not alone; it's a great comfort knowing that God knows everything that has happened to our family and that HE will never abandon us.

One thing I know I was guilty of was idolizing my WXH. I think I had allowed him to become too important to me, more important than God, myself, my health, my hobbies, etc. I was devastated when my WXH divorced me, I felt so rejected. But now when I have those moments I remind myself that God will never leave me, that my WXH is just a mere mortal who didn't deserve my worship in the first place, and that my WXH's failure to see me as deserving of love is his problem - not mine.

Oh boy, have I ever been there.

For 5 months while H's A was going on ( but swearing to me it wasnt....) I thought I was going CRAZY. I struggled with horrible panic attacks, constant anxiety.

The good news is, I virtually never have them anymore and when I do - I can shut them down.

I was able to do this via daily meditation and weekly reiki treatments once per week. There is also an excellent site as a resource - here is the URL: http://www.paniccure.com/

This site gives excellent information on how to combat panic and anxiety disorders sans medicine.

Im all for medicine if it works for you but in my case, I avoid it. I first started with anxiety attacks during my first M, when my XH was in an A. I got through that time with alot of help from Xanax and guess what? I ended up with a raging addiction to benzodiazapenes (Xanax, Ativan, Valium are all in this group) even though I took WAY less than the prescribed dosage. I cauion anyone taking these meds to do so lightly. It took me over a year to tirate down off them and I took 1/2 of a .25 milligram tablet once per day ( for 2 years )

In my case, meditation and reiki are much more effective

Im so sorry you find yourself here. It is a horrible circumstance to be in and my heart goes out to you.

Peace to you

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I have been going through something similar. I rarely want to leave the house anymore. I have to force myself to go to work. I have lost enough weight that I've gone down a pants size and now those are loose on me. This is a diet I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I've gotten myself so run down that I've got some sort of flu bug I can't shake. Today was an especially bad day for me too. I couldn't stop crying. I called my mom and told her just talk to me for the next 15 minutes, just help me get through the next 15 minutes.

I did the Mom phone call on Thursday morning. The dream I had was so bad that I was shaking when I woke up.

I am reading this book recommended by my therapist. It's called, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" and it's what started the panic/anxiety attack today. Just started shaking.

I had an attack when I was getting my eyebrows done today. My eyebrow/facialist lady asked me how I was doing & where had I been? She saw my eyes well up & my lip start to quiver & grabbed my hand & took me back to a massage room. She did my eyebrows & I cried. She listened. She was awesome. I have made so many wonderful friends in this town & didn't know how good until now.