Orchid: 5 months is still in the new stage. So much stuff going on. Most can't even find their feet much less get stable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />



Orchid: If you have any influence, tell her to go to her family's side. This thing about going to OM's place or relatives is stupid....very stupid.

Btw, why is her H already moving on w/o her? Is the M over? Just lazy? Too tired or a conflict avoider?

Seems u r fighting for their M more than they are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Wazzup w/that?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks Orchid. I'm just worried her husband will move on without her and she will be stuck with the new guy, unless she decides she wants neither. From what she's said her husband has been trying hard to win her back. She says she is so confused. It's around 5 months now so I'm not sure I can blame the husband for trying to somehow move on in life. I told her the sooner she goes to the therpist the better.

GFB1

GBF, do the OM's parents know they will be hosting an adulteress who is cheating on her H? If my son brought a married woman to my home I believe I would have a right to know that. I think it would be in everybody's best interest if you made sure they got this news. Either by calling yourself or asking her H to do it. Affairs thrive on secrecy and exposing this will be blow to the affair.

But most of all, please make sure the OM's parents know the truth. That is only fair. I would not personally allow her to darken my doorstep if my son wanted to bring a married woman here and I would not appreciate not being told.

Please be a friend to her and help expose her affair. Don't enable her, GBF.


Can you advise her to do the right thing and end her sleazy affair and go back to her H? That would be the best advice you could give her, GBF.

Is there anyway you can direct her H here? 5 months is a short time to recover from an A. It has been done but rarely. Honest self-evaluation and improvements have to be done on both sides. Can he read up on SAA & HNHN, then call Jennifer C @ MB for some personal and M recovery plans? If he doesn't want M recovery for now, call Jennifer anyway.

He c/b a conflict avoider and if so that adds another layer to deal with. She should work on her own self improvements so her H can see by her words and actions she is worth keeping the M for. He will go through stages of grieving and she needs to be aware of his needs as well. It would be good if both could take the EN questionnaire together and share the results. This is an MB requirement to have the 1st counseling session.

take care,
L.

Thanks ML and Orchid. I have to say I didn't realise it takes so long (to me 5 months seems long enough!) for a WS to realise they are with the wrong person. How long does it normally take? It seems to be cracking as she says the longer it goes on the more she is missing her husband, but she keeps saying she's confused. Apparently her husband has been doing a lot of work to improve himself.

I'm sure the new guy's parents know about it - I think his wife told them. I have told her to see a counsellor to get some good independent advice and she said she'll do this, but knowing her it will take a while to get around to it. I tell the sooner she goes the sooner she will be able to plan her life.

I'm not sure I could communicate with the husband because if she finds out she may not trust me anymore. Since I'm the only person she talks to (and due to the time difference and me looking after my kids, not that often!). Otherwise there is only the new guy to talk to and we know he has his own agenda.

Thanks again.