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the can O worms I was referring to is MEDC....he's a tenacious pit bull I'm , more like a labrador retriever with an attitude!
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 11/27/07 12:01 PM.
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As you notice, I'm not on a thread about their life struggles... looking for opportunity to evaluate them... criticize them... make digs... take cheap shots... etc., etc. hmmmm...thats interesting....I seem to remember you posting this about MLHB on the pre-marriage the early years forum...and it was completely unprovoked. sp...
This is an individual who has divorced a spouse. This person now advocates "ditching" a spouse... out of her own pain and inability to heal, I'd believe. Please take every word this person says with a grain of salt. I have experienced her voicing what I believe to be profound contempt in another thread for the sanctity of marriage and working on covenant marriage relationships to preserve and restore them.
Sometimes people who divorce become "champions" of advocating divorce... and give advice out of their own unhealed hurts.
Misery loves company.
Divorce is no solution... though, I would agree, it is sometimes necessary.
The fact that she sees nothing but doom and gloom in the future for you in your marriage is not an unbiased opinion but rather reflects her own experience and current emotional makeup.
Please be very careful of her counsel... and don't receive it innocently. It's based on her own current condition of justifying divorce and remarriage like it's musical chairs or something.
There's something holy about marriage that doesn't make a husband dispensable. There's a love more powerful in marriage - a true bond of holy matrimony - than is comprehended by those who rebel against the bonds of holy matrimony - the bond of which, imo, is God Himself.
People who quickly advocate divorce and quickly label husbands as incorrigible and irredeemable... and easily "dispensable"... like divorce is a "cure-all"... are dangerous.
They do not respect the bonds of holy matrimony - and encourage others to break them through divorce.
Be very careful of this person's counsel, sp.
Your husband cannot be replaced so easily... nor the bond of the love between you be erased through divorce.
IT's a very serious matter to consider divorce... and I don't think you should be pushed into it by someone who has already gone over the cliff and is justifying herself at the expense of the bonds of marriage.
It's a world of pain to divorce.
Don't let anyone fool you.
And somethings cannot be healed by human willfulness... meaning that we can't change what happens inside of us when the bond that doesn't change has been broken.
That hurt doesn't "heal"... just because we deny the reality of an unchanging bond of marriage in our hearts.
Don't buy into the "throwaway society" of "divorce solves everything".
It doesn't.
If this marriage can be saved... save it. And be very careful of this person's advice. and MLHB's response to you.....which you ignored.... sad,
thank you for your nice comments. i DO NOT BELIEVE MARRIAGE IS DISPOSABLE. back, although she has said very kind things to you, is also posting on the after divorce/dating board (which i have no idea why since she is NOT dating but trying to win her husband back) and seems to have issue with those of us who have chosen divorce and choose to date after our marriages are over. i apologize to you for her ugliness towards me. just ignore it.
i was married over 10 years. i did EVERYTHING i could to save my marriage. i stayed with a man who for 4 years had affairs, slept on the couch and told me to my face he never wanted to touch me again and did not love me. he was verbally abusive to me in front of my children and then physically at the end to where i had to have him arrested. i gave until i had nothing left to give. i had my inlaws trying to help me save my marriage right to the very end. and finally, in the end, my inlaws even told me to leave. when it comes to my safety and my childrens I DO NOT TAKE THAT LIGHTLY. yes, my marriage ended. i can look in the mirror and say i did everything i could. i do not appreciate being told by posters that i think marriage is disposable. i far from believe that. and i don't have to explain myself to anyone.
sad, i support you fully do what you can for your marriage. i understand your heritage now and know that that makes things different for you. HOWEVER, i fear this control and manipulation he is using on you. i am afraid he is going to suck the life out of you. the things you describe are unacceptable and horrendous! i feel for you tremendously.
we are here for you however you may need us to.
back, back up off of me. you do not know me and i don't appreciate being attacked on someone else's thread. i have been on these forums for over 2 years now and i care a lot for every person who finds themselves on these boards. i may not agree with your choices but i have not attacked you on them. i wish for you as i wish for everyone else here, to find the help they are looking for. i have never in 2 years of being here had to put a poster on ignore, but sadly i think i may have to.
mlhb yeah so your not casting judgments...taking cheap shots....when did you new saint hood start exactly? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
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the can O worms I was referring to is MEDC....he's a tenacious pit bull I'm , more like a labrador retriever with an attitude! yellow...black...or chocolate <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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I have one of each. 250 pounds of endless energy running around my house every day!
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I have one of each. 250 pounds of endless energy running around my house every day! Wow MEDC 3 big dogs like that I give you kudos....My old boss always had a lab the last one he had before passing away was a beautiful black lab named willie....super smart too and every toy was a duck which was carried everywhere slimy or not.....my old boss used to say labs are great dogs but they don't get there first brain cell till there about 5.... I miss him he was like an adopted grandfather.
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Lol...for most labs your boss is right. Two of mine are a bit older(6 and 9) and very smart...the youngest (black) is dumb as a log! But he can catch a frisbee like a champ!
Since we are on pets...funny, true story about a kitten I found/adopted (sorry Mel). I would keep the kitten in a room when he first arrived...and was very confused when he would magically appear out of the room on two occasions...
somehow he would manage to lift up the heat register in the floor and crawl through the duct work and pop out in my kitchen. Well imagine how hard my son and I laughed when we finally caught him in the act one day...it had to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
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OK, at the risk of again being falsely accused of something (or even of doing satan's work...)
I will offer up another example from my own experience that seems remarkably similar to what is going on here:
A couple of years ago my dear earthly father passed away from a sudden heart attack. I have 7 siblings, the youngest one is a half-brother from one of my mother's adulteries. My father raised him and he was in no way treated less than the rest of us siblings... Au contraire, as my mother made it extremely obvious that she favored him (in fact he still lives @ home with my mother - he and his wife and kids - pays no expenses). When my father died this brother took it very hard, VERY VERY HARD, as in he made a huge point in acting as if the rest of us siblings could not possibly understand how hard 'HIS' father passing away was on HIM... When he first got the news he went into a very scary VIOLENT rage AGAINST one of my sisters (who had also JUST FOUND OUT about her daddy dying)! When she tried to calm him down he started screaming at her for supposedly not empathizing with him because he had just found out that HIS FATHER (um - not hers too?) had died. He told the pastor not to allow any of us other siblings to speak @ our father's memorial service, that HE alone would do that! (Three of us, myself included, got up and spoke anyway - without his 'permission' - an action he coplained was 'wrong' for us to do...) When the siblings who lived in the same town as our parents brought food over for after the funeral, food for my mother and the visiting relatives who would be in town (folks like me and my daughters), he YELLED at one of my sisters for wanting to heat up and serve some of the food SHE herself had brought! He yelled that is was HIS FOOD and that she had no business taking it out of the fridge to warm it up!
My brother simply couldn't comprehend that we ALL were grieving and that his hostile and selfish way for dealing with his own grief was just making it more awful for everyone else. He was so grief-stricken (and felt so entitled and selfish by a lifetime of being our mother's coddled favorite) that he simply could not comprehend that we were not purposely doing anything to make him feel worse, we weren't even doing anything wrong; his expectations were just severely distorted, and therefore his feelings of being offended were not valid. And his self-centerdness certainly left him no room to consider how much we were suffering too and how HIS wrods and actions might have been inapporpriate and hurtful to US.
OK, so this is the point I'm getting at:
Back, you remind me of that brother in many ways. For some odd reason you seem to believe that YOU are the ONLY one posting here who understands the depth of the despair and hurt you are suffering - that you alone are suffering that deeply. The impression given by your posts is that you are forgetting that MOST of us posting here have/are dealing with the same thing. I sort of sense that you think what you're going through entitles you to rage and vent against us but that we shan't respond to you in a way that might even be the slightest bit challenging or confrontational or else we're being insensitive to what YOU are going through. You go into great detail describing how 'burned' etc, you felt by the betrayal as if you believe that if only we could be made to understand how badly you feel surely we would agree with you and would excuse anything you post towards us.
Before you post please consider that most of us here still are, or at least have in the recent past, suffered every bit as much as you. I was married to a serial adulterer for 25 years who ultimately left me and divorced me for the latest OW. And while the OW dumped my WXH and they therefore didn't end up married, I assure you that my WXH's continued coldness and rejection of me hurts plenty. Trust me, I could tell you some horror stories that would make your situation sound much less traumatic than mine if you persist with the pretense (and resultant entitlements) that your trauma is more major than anyone else's here.
The next time you're tempted to post one of your rants about how hurt you are and how mean the people who have tried to help you are supposedly being to you, why don't you consider first the feelings of those you attack and what they might be trying to deal with themselves?
Sometimes I wish that I had tried to pull my baby brother aside and explain to him that we ALL were grieving at our father's funeral - not just him; maybe I should have tried to tell him that his behavior towards the rest of us was cruel... I DO understand he was grieving. But it was his inflated self-esteem and his lack of respect for anyone else that made him feel entitled to behave in such a rude way. We sort of shut up and put up with his rudeness and insensitivity towards us because we didn't believe he possessed enough humility about himself, or enough concern for us, to have taken any correction from us the right way. If we had tried to tell him his behavior was inappropriate, insulting, selfish, and insensitive, he would have just run to mommy to complain that we were being 'mean' to him.
I would sincerely like to give you, back, the benefit of the doubt that you are NOT as warped in your lack of humility and lack of empathy for others that you are just like my youngest brother. But hey, I could be wrong...
I SINCERELY hope in your future posts you prove me wrong by demonstrating more humility, less self-centeredness, and more empathy for others.
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Lol...for most labs your boss is right. Two of mine are a bit older(6 and 9) and very smart...the youngest (black) is dumb as a log! But he can catch a frisbee like a champ!
Since we are on pets...funny, true story about a kitten I found/adopted (sorry Mel). I would keep the kitten in a room when he first arrived...and was very confused when he would magically appear out of the room on two occasions...
somehow he would manage to lift up the heat register in the floor and crawl through the duct work and pop out in my kitchen. Well imagine how hard my son and I laughed when we finally caught him in the act one day...it had to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. he was on a mission...thats one smart kitten.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I had a cat once who used to think by having half his body hidden in my ferrets see through igloo he was invisible and could ambush anyone...he was a huge 16lb tomcat....I have a pic somewhere in storage....he was quite the ham. so how many times has your youngest lab run into a wall and just shaken it off....haha My boss was a good ole tennessee boy....he was the veterinarian who first introduced me to animal medicine and began my career...my first day he had me assisst on an anesthetic procedure....he always used to tell people how he knew me when I was knee high to a grass hopper.....
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[color:"blue"]BACK wrote:
As you notice, I'm not on a thread about their life struggles... looking for opportunity to evaluate them... criticize them... make digs... take cheap shots... etc., etc.[/color] BACK: You should really be careful about making such claims when there are posts out there of yours that clearly state otherwise. Below you pretty much evaluated and criticized the entire D/D board regarding their life struggles. Read on … BACK submitted the below post on D/D on 11/18: Based on comments I'm reading, I have a ?.
How is it that Christians here decry being cheated on by spouses... yet don't seem to have moral values about not engaging in premarital sex?
Honestly, if any person states they are a Christian and thinks it's okay to engage in premarital sex... then why does that same person complain that the Christian(s) you have married or will marry isn't/aren't faithful during marriage?
Why should they obey higher laws? If it's okay to live for selfish pleasure before marriage... then why not after?
If it feels good do it, right? There is no reason to be faithful to the Lord and to be sexually pure... in marriage... if there is no reason to be so outside marriage, right?
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Below you pretty much evaluated and criticized the entire D/D board regarding their life struggles. Yup, and that was after she declared the entire After Divorce Dating board to be something akin to the devil, and put us all on ignore, followed by a short and similar stint on the EN board. At this rate, she'll be out of boards soon and will hopefully move on, yay. AGG
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Well.. When she was posting on the thread on the EN forum, she actually had the audacity to tell posters that SHE would let them know when they had permission to "chime in". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Unfriggin' real that people went along with it. THEN...she gets bored, I guess, with the thread and decides to get something going on this one. Some people... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> lorda mercy. committed
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Unfriggin' real that people went along with it. Yeah, that was bizarre... "You will not speak until I tell you it's OK", back said, and the heads just bobbled.. weird <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. AGG
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actually I did the opposite.....remember I am the rebel....I call people names ROLF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
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actually I did the opposite.....remember I am the rebel....I call people names Oh, I know, but that was on the After Divorce Dating board, where she put us all on ignore; I'm talking about the EN board, where she had much better luck telling everyone to shut up, not something that board is usually known for <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. AGG
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She hasn't put me on ignore yet....otherwise I wouldn't have gotten half a reply from last night.....she likes me....*snort* bwhahahaha
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actually I did the opposite.....remember I am the rebel....I call people names Oh, I know, but that was on the After Divorce Dating board, where she put us all on ignore; I'm talking about the EN board, where she had much better luck telling everyone to shut up, not something that board is usually known for <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. AGG Maybe she is a dominatrix in disguise.....likes the "control".....I can see it now: Look .....it's my Gimp in a box. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (SNL humor...gotta love it)
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She hasn't put me on ignore yet....otherwise I wouldn't have gotten half a reply from last night.....she likes me....*snort* bwhahahaha Lucky you... So it's just me and mlhb who are below her radar screen then?? Yooohoo, back, can you see me???? AGG
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Yeah...but that probably translates into "you are enthralled by her" "you want her on your team" "you think she is a leader" "you think she is the most popular person present" "you think she is gifted" etc....etc...etc.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> committed
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Yeah...but that probably translates into "you are enthralled by her" "you want her on your team" "you think she is a leader" "you think she is the most popular person present" "you think she is gifted" etc....etc...etc.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> committed And not to forget, "you want to hit on her (like everyone does)... AGG
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Yeah...but that probably translates into "you are enthralled by her" "you want her on your team" "you think she is a leader" "you think she is the most popular person present" "you think she is gifted" etc....etc...etc.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> committed I was being sarcastic.... -_-
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